this stuff doesnt happen to me

this stuff doesnt happen to me part1

intro:

so first off, let me give you some background. my name is Lila French. I am 15, and a sophomore at an all girls Catholic school. I am plain, average, and I don't exactly fit into the popular group, b ut I'm definately not an antisocial loser. my friends are just kind of a happy medium, we dont mix with anyone but ourselves.

            My mom always tells me im beautiful, but i guess she has to. After all, she is a mom. But i can never stop focusing on my flaws. i hate how my front teeth still stick out a little bit even after braces for three years. i hate how my hair falls, not curly and not straight. i hate the oval shape of my face. i hate my small mouth, my long nose, my average brown hair. the only thing that i admire is my blue eyes. I'm not ugly, i just dont dye my hair a drastic color and put on a pound of eyeliner. which makes me average.

i always focus on how others are judging me. everywhere i go i worry about how to look and how to act. i am always labeled as awkward because i'm always paranoid about saying the right thing to certain people. Whenever i talk to a person in a social class above my own, i tend to either panik and ramble or freeze up and stutter. i am painfully shy, and am only myself around my true friends. i have a few guy friends, but none that i am too close to or that i would even consider dating. but im not desperate. there is only one guy that i can't seem to get out of my mind..

chapter 1:

ever since i was a little girl, around 3 years old, i can remember going to my grandparents neighborhood picniks in the month of august. I loved them, and i always had a great time playing with my cousins and a few of the other neighbors in the circle. Although i did not live there, i always went because my grandma invited us. two years ago, when i was 13, i started to be interested in guys, and they didnt have cooties anymore.

Ttwo years ago i started to notice eric. he was a year younger, but that didnt matter too much. eric was perfect. the perfect lanky body, not muscular and not fat, just skinny. a beautiful face, with perfect hair to match: perfect length and color. he had longer hair, but not past his ears. and the color, well thats a whole different story. he was the bad-boy type, and he was most definitely a player, even though he was 12 years old.

two years ago when i was 12 going on 13(i have an october birthday)i was going into the eighth grade. i was deep into my awkward stages. you know, the 3-4 years where everyone looks as awkward as a newborn baby deer? i still had no clue how to apply make up, or how to use a straightener. i was kind of a "perfect child" to adults. the only thing i remember about the neighborhood picnik that year was sitting in a circle playing the card game bs, and being shocked when i heard eric say "bullshit" when he suspected someone of cheating. Swearing? isnt that illegal? but anyways, a year went by without me thinking about him at all, which brought us to next august...

that august I was 13 going on fourteen, entering my freshman year at an all girls school. i brought my best friend katrina. it was my first year bringing her to the neighborhood picnik. we did all the normal activities -egg and spoon, balloon toss, etc, and then we ate dinner. during those events i hadnt talked to eric at all. After dinner, everyone started to hang out: me, Katrina, Eric, my two cousins, and another boy two years younger named Ian.

 we hung out in Ians back yard for a while, and then went to play one of the video games that one of the neighbors had brought outside. im talking a legit video game, ones that they have in arcades? yeah. one of the neighbors literally wheeled one of those arcade games up from his basement. They collect them or something. Anyways, it got a little darker so we went to erics backyard. he has a woods area behind his house. "come on, come back with us" said ian. "yeah dont be scared, come back with us, theres a house with chicken blood on it" Eric was trying to scare us so he could possibly get to hold one of our hands. me and katrina stayed back, because we were afraid of being raped or shot, or something like that. i regretted the decision to stay back up until this day. but the boys acknowledged our decision to stay back, and Eric led the way up to his pool deck. we sat up there for a while. and i realized that eric and katrina had been flirting the whole night. Eric had asked her to sit on his lap a couple times that night, which was like sinning for prude-little- me because we were still considered middle schoolers. however, katrina was very pretty and more mature than i was. i may have come off a little bit desperate and annoying to Eric that night, but its so hard to contain yourself in front of him. My attempts at flirting were definitely considered a failure.

We left the picnik early that year because my mom had something against those neighborhood picniks.she just couldnt stand them. when we left, the clock said was eleven oclock pm "Bye eric, bye ian, text us" said katrina and i "bye katrina, bye lila" they replied. "come back again, for real, lets hang out" eric said, meaning for it to be for katrina.

we got home and katrina and i went for a midnight swim. we were ecstatic because Eric was just so hot. we texted him and Ian a couple times that night and the day after, and they responded a couple times, but nothing ever really happened after that. even katrina and eric stopped talking. We continued our lives as if we never met them. except i still couldn't forget about Eric. so began 2009-2010 year of hell.

a/n: this is still background of the story, it will get better i promise