Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

58. To send

Lin's POV
I glanced at Rue, just after I'd changed from 1776 attire back to my usual clothes, and watched her sit, knees up to her chin, on the couch. Just yawning, shaking as soon as something unexpected happened and then stiffen up.
The bagel I'd gotten her for lunch was almost untouched, as it seemed she'd taken one or two bites. The paper around it had been precisely unwrapped and now folded back together, in the next-to-exact way that it had been before.
She looked so small, as she sat in the corner of the sofa, suddenly twitching and tapping.
Could I blame her? No. I'd forced her outside with no time to prepare. If there was anyone's fault, it was mine.
And I couldn't do anything about the consequences.

Her energy was gone, even though Rue'd slept through the show - didn't even wake up during intermission. Despite her tired eyes, she was now going through her backpack to organise it for the fourth time after I'd told her we were going home. And that was twenty three minutes ago, twenty three minutes that might not have happened if I hadn't pressured her outside.
My heart felt heavy, just the thought of Rue being here had been weighing me down through the show. I was proud that she'd managed, yet blaming myself.
I heard a pair of feet running through the corridor next to our dressing room.
"Lin, you doin' tonight's show too, right?", I heard Thayne's voice saying from the hall, as he stepped through the doorway, smiling.
"Actually, no-", I'd barely begun to speak, before he'd acknowledged Rue, who'd finally put her backpack aside and seemed to be replying to a text. But, as his sudden voice echoed between the walls, her body startled vigorously, leaving her frozen as she realised that Thayne was standing in the doorway.
I could see how she forced on a little smile, but that her hand already had begun to tap again. Only, this time much quicker.
"Rue!", he exclaimed excitedly, running towards her, arms open, just seconds after catching a glimpse of her.
I felt a stone fall on me, seeing the turn of events going by in seconds as I felt the panic kick in.
"Thayne, wait-", cutting him off, I stood up, in an empty action, unable to stop him before he hugged Rue out of pure kindness; unaware of her state.

She sat, paralysed, unable to return the gesture. Staring out into blank space, like a statue.

"I've missed you so much, kiddo!", he rambled on quickly, when suddenly Rue forcibly backed up against the window, going past the frozen state of panic. I put a hand on Thayne's shoulder - who'd already let go of her in confusion - and pushed him aside in the most gentle manner I could as all I wanted to do was reaching her.
The sense of relief as I carefully took her hand was indescribable.
I saw her shoulders go up and down from breathing too heavily, as she stared into the blue, blinking an odd yet even amount, unreachable; looking back and forth between seven secure points in the room. Her pupils dilated, trying to take in all of the world at once.
I felt my heart put on a bit of excess weight.
"Rue? Niñita?", I said, trying to contact her, catching her eye in the midst of the panic. "Nothing's going to happen. I'm right here, okay?", hoping that my words meant something.
Impulsively, I took her hand just as I realised that it was digging into the other one's wrist. Forcibly, I pulled it away from the other one as I was once reminded of how strong she could be; or, to put it correctly, unwillingly determined.

Her eyes were stuck on the doorway, as I heard people coming closer.
Quickly, I turned to Thayne, looking nonplussed behind me, and asked him to close the door. In less than a millisecond my attention was back to Rue, who'd turned to the seven steady points again.
"L-look at me", calmly, I dried one of her tears, looking out for a sign of sudden fall, as I finally got our eyes to meet, hers full of fright, afraid of mine. She suddenly stopped breathing.
And I realised something.
She wasn't seeing me anymore.
She was seeing him.
"It's me, Rue, it's Lin", I said, clarifying something so obvious, yet not at all. Not at this moment, as I could see her realise, processing and then slowly feel her hand stop pulling towards the other, as I said it over and over again.
"Just breathe. Breathe"