90 DEADLY DAYS (WEEKLY UPDATES RETURNING THIS DECEMBER)

Chapter 55

Just a note, Gangsta by Kehlani is officially Butcher and Phoenix's anthem. Yes, I'm taking it from the Joker and Harley Quinn. 😂😂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 55

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As night falls, I can't muster the strength to leave.

I blame my delay on exhaustion. Though, even if I were up to task, it would be foolish to leave at this time of night. Dragons might lurk in those eerie shadows under the trees, along with blood-thirsty Fynxs.

Tomorrow will suit so much better.

My troubled heart steadies and, satisfied with my self-deception, I breathe easier.

As Butcher starts a fire and lays out the Fynx furs, I snuggle down and shut my weary eyes. Tomorrow, I repeat to myself. I leave tomorrow. My stomach flips as I mouth the words. I bury my face in the furs to conceal the tears slipping down my cheeks.

I'll miss him. I can't lie about that anymore. Somehow, this Raider slipped under my many barricades and barbed wire fences. He climbed through the canyons and over my craggy mountains, coming for me until I couldn't help but care for him. What I feel is a far cry from love, but its way more affection than I'm comfortable with. I shouldn't have let him this close. I should've forced him back, resisting as he lulled me to sleep in his arms.

I wish him all the best. I won't even pray that he gets out of this hell, because I know he will. He will probably be the first to make it back to Xaro.

I pray they welcome him into their fold. If Xaro's standards are as brutally high as I believe, they would be lucky to have him in their ranks.

Someday too, I hope he finds someone who will love him for all he is. Who craves his touch and holds nothing back. My chest stirs a little at the thought and I clutch my beating heart. I can never give him that. He needs someone who will look at him without disgust or fear. Who can truly accept and adore him.

We all need to be loved, no matter who we are. It'll break my heart if no one can ever love him.

He would be lost forever then.

Cheeks damp and eyes red, I make myself remember what's at stake. Leaving means I live. And yes, for some damned reason, I want to live again. I don't remember when I changed my mind. Perhaps Butcher's touch stirred the force of life within me once more. Before he ravished me in the cave, all I wanted was the eternal void that stole Jewel from me. Death's ranks called me until Butcher drowned out their noise.

Oh, why did I let him in?

He'll be fine without me, but now, after everything, will I be fine without him?

I pray that I will.

I have to be.

I have to remember, I am no Raider's whore. I am not the damned Princess of Lacona. I am Phoenix, citizen of Helion and sister to sweet Adonis.

I belong to no one but me.

At some point the light of the fire fades from view and tormented slumber settles over. I dream of myself nestled in Butcher's arms, safe from every horror in the Shadowlands, excepting him. He holds me tightly, hand tangled in my curls, forehead resting against mine. To my chagrin, even in my dreams I can't bring myself to wrench myself from his grasp. I lie there, reveling in his touch until consciousness steals me back into the light.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I could swear I sleep for only an hour, but when I wake up, its to the smell of cooking fish and a bright sunrise.