Kpop Fanfictions

You Can Do This - Xiumin (EXO) [Depressed Female Reader]

"I'm sorry Ms. ________. You weren't chosen for the job. Best of wishes in your job hunting," the manager of the diner down the street says.

"May I ask where I ranked on your list?" you ask, voice shaking.

"I'm sorry to say you ranked last. You weren't at all what we were looking for. I'm sorry Ms. ________," the manager says.

You don't even say goodbye, just hang up and toss the phone away. You stare at the wall in front of you, feeling nothing and everything all at once. Your brain slowly starts to catch up and you take a deep, shaking breath in, running your hands down your face. You feel the familiar sting behind your eyes signalling you're about to cry. You dig the heels of your hands into your eyes, hoping the pain would stop your tears. This has been the fifth job to refuse you this week. You lost your job a couple weeks back due to a random pool of people being fired. You happened to be the first name they drew. Of course the monster roaming your mind named Depression jumped right on this fact, digging it's dirty, rotten teeth into your sadness and tearing away.

You were able to push it back for a bit, putting in applications everywhere and anywhere. You were rather optimistic for the first few days, your depression tore at you, but not enough to be more than a nagging in the back of your mind. With the first rejection, the raving ramblings of depression got louder. The second brought them to a loud talking, and the third to an almost yell. This rejection only brought your inner demons to a deafening scream. You wish you could cover your ears to block out the noise, but how do you run from your own mind?

"I'm so damn useless!" you yell, punching the pillow next to you.

You pull your knees up to your chest and hide your face in them. Your body begins to shake as you sob. You slowly begin to fall into your mind. A small part of you attempts to run out, but like a nightmare, the corridor stretches out in front of you, never ending. Instead of trying to fight, you sigh and allow the dark thoughts to wrap around you, dragging you into the deepest, darkest parts of your mind. You see your depression as a person. She's sitting in a fancy wire chair sipping some bitter tea out of a white tea cup, a damning smirk lighting up her face. She has brought you to your knees yet again, leaving you withering at her feet. You attempt to push yourself up and watch as she places her heeled foot on your head, smashing your face into the floor below. You feel yourself begin to suffocate, your head spinning and your vision becoming riddled with black dots. Just as you are about to give up the fight against your damning depression, a bright light fills this mental scene.

"________," a familiar voice says.

"Xiumin?" you think, straining your ears to see if you can hear the voice again.

"________! Come on, baby. Snap out of it! Come back to me!" the voice says again.

It is Xiumin.

Suddenly, the feeling of depression's heel on your head is gone. You look up to see her face stricken in fear.

"________!" Xiumin calls again.

The mental room you're locked in suddenly falls away, the image of your depression personified going with it. Your strength returns to you and you push yourself up off of the cold concrete floor. You head in the direction of a soft, warm light, and suddenly you're in your living room again. Xiumin is staring into your eyes, worry overtaking his features.

"Baby girl, are you okay?" he asks, pushing your hair out of your face and searching your eyes for unspoken answers.

You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Xiumin's face lights up as if everything suddenly makes sense.

"What did it? You were doing so good, you hadn't had a problem with your depression for months. What set you off?" he asks, sitting on the couch beside you and pulling you against his chest.

"I keep getting rejected," you say, voice barely above a whisper.

"Jobs? How'd that set you off? It's not your fault, love. It's not your fault you got fired, and it's not your fault these other jobs don't need you. These rejections aren't bad, their fate telling you that you're needed somewhere else. It's telling you that your gifts are better suited somewhere else. These jobs rejecting you isn't a sign telling you you're fucking or that you're useless. It's a sign that your talents are better suited elsewhere. One of the jobs you applied for is going to call back here soon and you're going to be offered a job you never thought you'd ever get. It may even be your dream job. So, look into my eyes, take a deep breath and relax. Because even if they don't call you, I can take care of you baby. I'll break my back to make sure you never have to work another day in your life," Xiumin says, smoothing your hair down and pulling you into a kiss.

Your kiss is interrupted by a shrill ringing. The ringing of your cell phone, still laying on the floor from where you threw it earlier. You look at your phone, then up at Xiumin.

"Answer it," he encourages, gesturing to your phone with his head.

You nearly jump forward, your fingers wrapping around the cold cell phone and accept the call.

"Hello?" you ask.