It did not seem to be much later at all when Bjorn's body clock woke him but despite the fact he had not had much sleep, he felt rested and content. He found that he had not moved and he was still holding Anna in his arms. She was fast asleep. He stroked her hair away from her face and studied her at his leisure. She was so beautiful. She had aged of course and there was white mixed in with her blonde hair but that in no way detracted from her beauty for him. In fact it made him realise how quickly time was passing and that if he wanted things to change he had to get on and do it. He wanted to spend whatever was left of his life with Anna or spend that time trying to persuade her to spend it with him. He was sure and set in his mind and he was prepared to face whatever it took to come back to her. His path was much easier now that his daughters had shown their support for him and had indeed actively encouraged and helped his relationship with Anna, that they had come here and realised that here their Papa was happy was truly amazing to him . He wondered at the circumstances that had led to his life changing so much in such a short time. Thank god they had been bought together by the Abbatars. He knew that Christian and Linda were on his side too and his reconciliation with Anna after so much time apart had gone so much smoother than he could have even hoped for in his wildest dreams. They had both learned hard and valuable lessons he thought and he would never take their relationship for granted again. This time they would work through anything. They had seen what life was like without each other and Bjorn knew for sure that he never wanted to go back to that old life, he also knew that his Anna loved him. She had sacrificed so much for him and his family and that HAD to be worth fighting for because he loved her just as much even if he hadn't shown it. He looked at his watch and saw that it was time to be up if they wanted to go to Viggso today. He had learnt his lesson very quickly and set about waking Anna before he left the bed this time and then hopefully she would not be scared. He kissed the top of her forehead and whispered "Time to wake up baby" she mumbled and fidgeted, burrowing deeper into his chest. He smiled and tried again,this time he moved slightly and tipped her face up to his and kissed her gently. This time he didn't back off and he waited till her eyes opened, then he deepened that kiss. He'd wanted to kiss her properly for days and it felt like the perfect time. He was waiting for her to pull away but she did not, in fact he felt her relax right into him and to his shock she returned the kiss with the same level of passion. She got up onto her knees without breaking the kiss and he felt her small hands on each side of his face. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and lifted her on top of him and she moaned as she came into contact with him. She broke away and whispered "I'm too heavy" "Never! He whispered back "You stay there, you don't move, you never move from me again. Do you hear me??" he demanded fiercely. "I hear you" she breathed. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear "I've always loved it when you're in charge of me Baby" His eyes closed as memories flooded back and his libido roared back to life "Christ Anna, what are you trying to do to me?" "Doing the same as what you're doing to me Bjorn" she told him. "I FEEL you!" she whispered. Jesus, this wonderful woman he thought. How had he EVER lived without her? He felt her lips touch his again and he smiled against her. He shifted her a little and he heard her breathing hitch. Her forehead dropped to meet his and he said "Shall I tell you what I feel baby? I feel your heat, I feel that you might just want me nearly as much as I want you" he slid his hand between them and was gratified beyond words to find her pajamas damp. He felt her shudder and heard her whimper and that racheted him right up to nuclear. He growled right in her ear "You belong to me, you've only EVER belonged to me. You're MINE" she nodded and even he was shocked to feel her flood against his hand just at his words and he hadn't even touched her "Oh baby" he whispered emotionally. "Always" she said quietly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and to his horror burst into tears. "Baby what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" She shook her head furiously. "Are you feeling sick?" She shook her head again and hiccuped. "I don't want you to leave me" she sobbed. "I didn't know I could still feel like this, I'm 67 Bjorn. I'm so far past menopause. I'm an old woman. This shouldn't be possible" "Anna, I promise I won't leave you, I'm an old man and I agree it shouldn't be possible. But it IS. Because it's US baby, only because its US" She climbed off him and said "I want to go to Viggso Bjorn. If you still want me to belong to you after today then I'll fight every battle in the world with you and for you. I'll face the world and I'll take Lena down. I do love you, I can't hide it from you anymore but you deserve to know everything, absolutely everything" "Tomas?" he asked gently. He watched her eyes turn dark and saw the hairs rise on her arms. "Even him. For you. NOBODY else. But never again after today will I talk of it. Ever. Not even with you. Do you understand me??" she became quite aggressive and Bjorn backed off. He knew he'd achieved a miracle today. "Never again I promise" he soothed carefully "and you don't tell a soul. No one" she said through a waterfall of tears. "Whatever it is will go with me to my grave baby" he promised steadfastly "You need to know though that NOTHING on this earth could take me away from you now. Nothing! Do you understand?" He reassured her. She smiled a little and said "I hope so, but you need to know that I'll totally understand if you walk away and I won't hold it against you ever. You would still be welcome here always" she promised huskily. He hauled her back on top of him and hugged her tightly. "Never.Ever.Ever.Going.To.Happen.Baby " he punctuated each word with a kiss.
"Come on then" he said hopping out of bed. He held out a hand. "Viggso waits for us" He rang Christian and postponed their brunch, asked if he could borrow his truck and told him he wanted to take Mama to Viggso, just them. Christian's nerves jangled and he knew what his Mama planned to do. This was big. He agreed with alacrity and said "Take it when you need it Papa. I'll be here all day sorting the gate upgrade and working from home, I haven't worked much this week, I'm behind" he laughed for it was true. God he hoped his Papa would come through for them all. They said their goodbyes and Bjorn went into the main shower as Anna was in the en suite. His shower was rapid. He was looking forward to spending the whole day with Anna. Just them.
He dressed and went downstairs and made Anna some tea, he knew from Frida that coffee sometimes made her feel sick and given that she'd been sick overnight he'd rather not take the risk. He took the opportunity of having a proper look round her house and getting his bearings. He sipped at his tea on the way round. She had a beautiful home, he reflected. It was everything he would ever want and yet everything his house wasn't. He loved the sun room and the veranda, he adored the kitchen obviously.
She found him stood in the sunroom and she stepped up to his back and leaned on him "It's beautiful here baby. I love this room he told her quietly" "Me too" she replied "most of my time is spent in here or the kitchen" "I made you tea but it's in the kitchen" he offered her a sip of his and she took it gratefully as he held the cup for her. His heart thumped as he recognised it was the small intimacies that mattered the most to him. He would take whatever she would give him that was for sure. "Do you want some breakfast?" he asked. "No thank you, I'm not hungry at the moment" she told him. If she were honest she was sick with nerves. Bjorn frowned but left it at that. He would get her to eat later. She wandered back to the kitchen and collected her tea then went off to fetch her boots and poncho but this time she bought out a hat too. "What's the time?" she asked Bjorn. He checked his watch and told her "Just a little before 8 baby. Do you want to go? It's a bit of a drive." "I'm excited to see it" she smiled. "It's been too long" She pottered around the kitchen rummaging in cupboards and the fridge. "What are you doing?" he asked curiously. "Well, travel mugs for our tea and a box of snacks for the journey" She poured tea into both mugs and screwed the tops on tightly. She put cake and some savoury muffins that she had made the other day in the box and a bag of chocolates. "Bjorn, you should eat breakfast" she said. "I will if you will" he countered. She met his eyes and laughed "Ok, I'll have toast. One piece" Bjorn grinned and found the bread, rummaged in both fridges to find the butter and several different cupboards to find some jam. She giggled and said "You'll learn your way around here" "I most definitely will, no doubt about it" Bjorn replied firmly. He had every intention of being here as much as she would let him. He made her toast and some for him and they took it into the sunroom. "I'm excited to do a road trip with you Bjorn, it's been a long time. I used to love our road trips." she remarked and smiled happily. "Thank you for taking me. I know it's a long way. I won't ask again after this time. I promise" she added. Bjorn frowned gently and took her hand "Anna, I'll take you wherever you want to go. I'll take you to Viggso as many times as you want. I WANT to baby. I want to go with you!" he reaffirmed. He kissed the back of her hand and saw tears in her eyes. He shook his head quietly and reassuringly and she whispered "I won't cry"
Just before 0830 they were getting into the truck. Anna was getting in the back and Christian was showing Bjorn how to put the screens down. He showed him where to plug phones in and where the controls were for the fuel tank if they needed it. "Papa, if you're sticking around you're going to need to upgrade your vehicle" he said. "It's on my list of jobs for tomorrow Christian, along with other more unpleasant things. I'll face Lena tomorrow and things are going to change" Bjorn replied firmly. Christian pulled him away from the truck "Papa, I love you, we all do. You two deserve this and we will close ranks around you. Emma and Anna included. Linda couldn't be happier, she's just sad she's missing all the drama but Papa if you let Mama down today, if you make her regret letting you back in I swear you will answer to me whether you are my father or not" Bjorn was shocked but couldn't help admiring his son's courage. He could see the love for his mother shining bright in his eyes "Christian. You are my son and I love you. You have every right to be protective of your mother given my track record with her but I promise you I won't let her down. She's my heartbeat too" he said honestly and his son hugged him tightly. "Go, I'll see you whenever you get back" he said and Bjorn watched him stride back over to Linda's house. That feeling was back again. He knew there was something else going on. Today was obviously the day he was going to solve the last of the mysteries. God he wanted to. He wanted to KNOW Anna again. He wanted to be the one she leaned on again. He knew he needed it as much as she did and he also knew she was the only one that KNEW him and he needed HER.
He swung himself up into the truck and asked Anna if she was ok. She said yes. "Bjorn, when we are far enough away can I sit next to you?" she asked. "Yes, I want you up here too Anna. Let's get out of here" he started the truck and he had to admit it had a satisfying feeling of power and he liked being up high. He put the screens down and put his sunglasses on and Christian's cap that he found on the front seat. It might shield him a bit. He had to admit he was a little nervous, this was the first time he'd been solely responsible for her safety for many years but he would get used to it. Christian and Linda deserved a break from it now and again and he knew he made her feel safe. "Are you ok?" asked Anna from the back seat. "Yes baby" he reassured her. "Just thinking, let's go" he drove down to the gates and pressed the buttons to let them out. There were a few today but not many . They did crowd round the truck though trying to see in but thankfully they couldn't. Bjorn shut the gates and revved the truck and moved. He wasn't going to stop. The people had to move out of HIS way and they did. As soon as he was out of the main road he put his foot down and they sped away. He lifted the screens after 10 minutes and looked at her. Her eyes were sparkling and she was laughing. "You were amazing!" she said. "You never even hesitated!! That was fun" "FUN?" he questioned. Then he realised she was right and it had been fun. He smiled and took the cap off then he laughed.
"Can I sit in the front now?"asked Anna. "Yes of course, let me find someplace safe to stop" "I don't need you to stop Bjorn" she told him "just keep driving I trust you" Bjorn frowned in question then grinned as she wriggled out of her seatbelt and made her way through to the passenger seat with a few gymnastics and a judicious bit of wriggling. He was surprised that they didn't end up in the ditch when she inadvertently put her amazing bottom in his face. He was forgiveably distracted but he did manage to keep the truck on the road thankfully. "Jesus Anna, I thought you said you were an old woman! That was some serious movement there!" he chuckled as she blushed "Bjorn can we go a bit faster?" she asked as she put her seatbelt on. Bjorn looked at her and grinned as he remembered the road trips of their youth. "It's not something I can ask Christian to do" she admitted sheepishly. "Remember you asked for it baby. No moaning that we've messed your hair up or that you feel sick" he warned her laughing. "Are you ready?" he asked. She nodded eagerly and her eyes shone with joy and laughter as she waited. He floored the accelerator and the truck felt like it was flying. Anna put her hand on his thigh as she always used to and squealed with laughter, total happiness and trust in Bjorn as they left nothing behind them but dust in the road.
Not surprisingly they made it to Viggso a lot earlier than they had thought and Anna was unexpectedly quiet when they got there. She got out of the car alone and Bjorn jogged round to join her. "It's even more beautiful than I remembered" she whispered. "That smell. How could I have forgotten it? Pine and the sea and the dirt. God it's beautiful Bjorn" He took her hand and they walked slowly towards the cottage and Bjorn was disturbed to feel her trembling. He stopped to look at her and she had tears on her lashes as she tried to take it all in. "Look at the sunlight through the trees Bjorn, it's so pretty. Like a stained glass window" she wiped at her eyes with her gloved hand. "Anna, why do you cry?" Bjorn asked carefully "because I never thought I'd see it again and now I'm here its overwhelming. It's beautiful and we were so happy here. So happy. I didn't think I'd ever make it back" she shared. Bjorn had to admit he had a bit of a lump in his throat as well. The memories here were so thick you could almost touch them. "Let me go and get the snacks from the truck, I doubt if there's food here and I'll lock the truck. Stand here where I can see you?" Bjorn asked her. "Yes" was all she said. She was somewhere else reflected Bjorn as he strode quickly back to the truck. He picked up what he wanted and looking up to check on her he could see she was watching the sunlight through the trees. He jogged back to her and she smiled even in her eyes when she focused on him and it made his heart bump.
He tucked her hand into his arm and they strolled down the path towards the cottage. It was just the same he thought. Benny had kept it well. He found the spare key where it had always been kept and he let them both in and at that point Anna lost control of her emotions and she sank to the floor and cried. Alarmed he crouched down in front of her and said "Anna it's ok baby, if it's too much for you we can go" she shook her head vehemently in denial. "No Bjorn it's fine, it's just I've waited so long to come, it just overwhelms me. Let me stay" she pleaded. He pulled her off the floor and locked the door behind them. She took her poncho and her hat and gloves off, Bjorn helped her with her boots and then she took a good look around her "it's smaller than I remember but it smells the same. Nothing's changed" she said delightedly when she spied Benny's piano. She looked at the little kitchen and smiled and she went into the bedrooms. They were tiny but beautiful. Then she looked out to the veranda and the amazing view. She turned back to Bjorn and said "Thank you. It's all I wanted. All I thought it would be" She took her normal seat on the sofa, still hers even though it had been 40 odd years since she had been here. She faced out to sea and Bjorn could see that she had lost herself for the moment. He went to get a glass of water for them both but discovered that the kitchen was stocked with basics. He frowned as he made tea. This made no sense at all. He wondered why there was fresh supplies here. Suddenly out of blue he heard her playing the piano and tears stung his own eyes as he heard "I'm Still Alive". He walked back with the tea, he didn't want to miss it. He took his jacket off and kicked his shoes off, bought the box of snacks over that they hadn't eaten in the truck and put his legs up on the sofa. He relaxed to listen to her play. His eyes closed involuntarily as the music washed over him. He didn't hear the music stop but he felt when Anna joined him on the sofa. "That was beautiful" he told her genuinely. He shifted to make room for her and they ended up spooning on the sofa, both facing the view. Anna's head was tucked under his chin and his hand was draped over her tummy. There was quiet for a while and Anna said "Before I start Bjorn, just remember I love you and everything I've done was done out of love. Things are very different now to how they were when I started on this journey but I can't change some of it. Bjorn kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair back out of her eyes. He wrapped her tighter in his arms and settled, hooking his leg over hers so she was totally cocooned. "Go on" he encouraged. "I don't even know where to start" she already sounded choked. "Well how about from the beginning?" he suggested gently. "I'm not going to run Anna" he promised "how are you so sure?" she sounded anguished "because I am" he said simply. She sighed and took the direct approach.
"Last April I found a lump in my breast. I was in the bath" she said matter of factly. She felt him jolt and heard what sounded like a moan of protest. His arms tightened around her to the point of pain but she did not complain and he did not interrupt her. She couldn't look at him but she stroked his hand in apology "I'm sorry, by last May I was told it was a rare and aggressive cancer and I was unlikely to survive. I didn't tell anyone" she sighed "the only thing I wanted was for it to all go away. I didn't want Linda and Christian to suffer for longer than they had to so I kept quiet until I knew what the doctors had planned for me" "You did this alone?" he asked through a throat that didn't seem to work anymore. "Yes" was her short answer. "The doctors then told me I had a chance of surviving till Christmas if I did what they told me to do. Once I knew that I told Linda and Christian. The grandchildren still don't know and I don't want them too except for Tilda, she is old enough to know some of the details but not how ill I am"she warned him. "Ok" he whispered. He was totally heartbroken. He had not had any idea what her secret was but his world had just imploded "Bjorn I came to your anniversary because I was saying goodbye. I can't hide that fact, I wanted to give you something of me. I was never ever going to tell any of you because I thought I would be dead soon. I'm sorry I sounded terrible but I was making my peace with you. I was so bloody scared but I did it and I thought then that I had been heard for the last time. I didn't want any of you to know I just wanted to give you all something to say thank you for the great years. You've asked me so many times to do something with ABBA and I'd run out of time baby. It was the best I could do and I'm so sorry I let you down" she choked back a sob. "I couldn't bring ABBA back without risking you all and I love you all too much to do that!" "Anna baby, you could never let me down, its me who has let you down time and time again." He thought of that anniversary night and so many odd things made sense now. He had struggled to hold onto his emotions when he had seen her and he'd known deep down that something was different. He had certainly been reminded of how much he loved her and of what he had lost. "Oh god baby why didn't you tell me? That's a whole year ago!!" he was devastated. "Honestly?" she asked. "Yes" he sighed. "Because I saw you suffer with Lena and I thought you loved her. You suffered so badly when she had cancer and I couldn't bear to put you through it again. I SAW you Bjorn. You nursed her and you looked after her and you were destroyed. I love you too much to do that to you and to be honest I didn't think I would be alive long enough for it to be an issue" she cleared her throat "and I'm your ex wife. I thought I was nothing to you, I'm not your responsibility any more. I couldn't face you. I couldn't have borne your pity" she said simply "Christ Anna, that was my choice to make!! What you SAW was a trapped man doing the right thing. I told her before she was diagnosed that we needed to end our farce of a marriage and she refused and said that Emma and Anna wouldn't love me anymore, then she was diagnosed and I couldn't fucking leave her, I was STUCK and you WOULDN'T talk to me. I lost my mind and Vallentuna saved me." he told her emotionally "Oh Anna baby, forgive me but I was only devastated because I wanted to leave more than anything because the girls were grown but I couldn't and I was more devastated for the girls if they lost their mother. How could I leave her when she was ill? For god's sake Anna!!! Is that honestly why you didn't tell me?? You thought I couldn't cope? That I would pity you? Anna!! Did you think about what would happen if you had died? I'd have fucking died with you. I can't live without you! How could you even think you were nothing to me? That I would feel nothing but pity for you?? You couldn't have been further from the truth" He shuddered "Anna I understand your reasoning I DO because despite everything I will ALWAYS understand you, but to leave me with no chance to make my peace with you? To tell you that I love you? To say goodbye? It would have been the end of me!" "Funny" Anna mused Frida tore my head off about the very same thing when I told her two days after she flew in. She was so angry with me and said so the first we would have known about it is when you died. She shouted at me. If I'm honest I didn't think of it till then. I'm sorry for that. I was wrong. But I AM still here Bjorn" "Frida knows? Ah of course Frida knows. Is it why she flew in?" 'No, I told her two days later I just said that" she chuckled patiently. "She flew in because I needed her. I needed to talk ABBA. I needed to know if I'm strong enough for ABBA. I needed to know if she would help me keep my secret from you. I needed to know why she was doing it. I'm still alive Bjorn when I didn't think I would be and I can give you my voice, for what it's worth. I want to" "and did she agree?" asked Bjorn, his arms tightened round her again" "she agreed for me but she thought I should tell you in her defence." She paused and there was silence while they both digested what had been said. "I told her that my greatest gift to you would be my voice and my silence" Anna mused. Bjorn understood her statement with heartbreaking clarity. "But I didn't know about Lena and you. I didn't know you were suffering. It makes it harder" tears came then and Bjorn turned her over gently until she was snuggled into his chest. He urged her to get comfy. "Let it go baby" he said gently. Nothing she had said had changed his mind. He was angry that she had been alone, he was devastated he'd missed a whole year but he'd still never leave her and he knew it. His thoughts were interrupted by "I couldn't come at Christmas. I'm sure you worked out that the migraine was an excuse, you're too clever not to." "I thought you didn't want to put up with Lena bitching and sniping at you all day. It must be wearing." he said. "I never even thought there could be another reason" She could feel his tears in her hair. "Well there was that" she giggled "but Bjorn I was just under a fortnight out of having" she hesitated as if gathering her courage "Go on" he encouraged gently giving her his strength "I've had a double mastectomy, my lymph nodes out and a reconstruction. I knew that I could never hide it from you. I could barely move and I was covered in tubes and pipes and black and blue and various other colours" she sighed. "You're right I was in no mood for Lena and I just felt so bloody ill Bjorn and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I missed Christmas with you but I just couldn't. I did want to though. I wanted to be with you more than anything" Bjorn was devastated anew. That day he had spent silently raging at Anna and calling her all the names under the sun. Of course he didn't ever mean any of them but it had made him feel better at the time. "Oh god baby I'm SORRY" he said, she must have been feeling dreadful. He frowned as a more disturbing thought occured to him "Wait. Where WERE you on Christmas day baby?" "At Ekero" answered Anna truthfully Bjorn's temper was finally beginning to rise "With who?" he was dangerously quiet. Thinking he was jealous Anna hastened to reassure him "Nobody baby, just me and a TV and a meal in a box and lots and lots of morphine. It was worse than childbirth" That was the last straw for Bjorn and he sat up and hauled her up with him. He sat her on the sofa and for a change he straddled her but he kept his weight off her."Look at me" he growled. "Are you seriously telling me that you spent your Christmas day on an island in the middle of nowhere alone and in pain recovering from major surgery while the kids were with ME?" he yelled at her. She flinched and whispered "Yes" "For fucks sake Anna WHY?" he moaned. He wrapped his arms around her and said "What if something had happened to you??" "Because I didn't want to ruin everyone's Christmas. I would have been the spectre at the feast. Lena hates me and I wasn't strong enough for her and you deserve to always see the kids. You're not to be cross at them Bjorn. This was my decision. I made them go" he hugged her tighter. "I'm sure you did Anna but that was wrong. You should never have been alone on Christmas day baby." "It was right!" she insisted stubbornly. "What Christmas could I give them? A grumpy old woman who couldn't move? Who had to crawl to the toilet on her hands and knees? I couldn't hug them. I would have frightened them Bjorn. I looked like Frankenstein. I could do nothing except be sick and sleep and sweat" she added ironically. "I was bloody good at those. You gave them what I couldn't. Thank you" she left him speechless. Again. Thanking him for giving them Christmas. He should have gone and found her! He was guilt ridden. "We'll agree to disagree Anna. You were wrong. I'm so fucking glad nothing happened to you but you were lucky baby" he sighed. "We would have come to you and had Christmas in your room. I'd have left Lena behind if I had only known. Don't do it again. I mean it Anna." "I won't" she whispered secretly much reassured by his reaction.
He went to get off her but she stopped him. "Stay" he subsided gently. "Tell me the rest" he demanded carefully. "I went in for chemo the week after the anniversary right up till the operation and my last chemo is next month.I just finished a round ...." "last week" breathed Bjorn. "You sent Linda away because she's been going with you and she's tired. You could send her because Frida was here! Frida went with you. Of course she did. You weren't at a health spa that day you were at chemo" the last three weeks all clicked into place for him "and you wanted to see Benny and I because it was before your chemo run and that meal, that lasagne was for Frida because you wouldn't cook the next night and you let me in because you wanted to make your peace with me and the songs? You said yes because it might be your last chance to sing." Anna smiled "See? You don't need me, you have it all" he grasped her face with both hands. "I'll always fucking need you. Don't say that" he kissed her forehead. He sat back and thought "That night at Vallentuna, you didn't have a tummy bug. You came straight from chemo because Christian told you I was what? ill? Anna nodded and said "his actual words were you were like a zombie and you were heart broken" "That's very true. You shouldn't have come." he told her "It was my fault Bjorn. You were never supposed to see the archive. I don't know why Christian let you in" "Because I made him Anna. Best thing he could have done. I needed to know. I NEEDED to know baby" "Be that as it may, I had to fix you. I couldn't bear the thought of you ill. I need to know you're on the planet somewhere!!"she mumbled emotionally. "I know baby and yet it never occurred to you that I might feel the same way about you?? Anna, you've been my fucking world for 50 years!" "No, until I saw you again, I thought you were at least content with Lena" Anna protested gently "I haven't loved or been content with Lena for decades Anna, If I ever did it was nothing like I felt for you. Nothing. It had faded long before Emma was born and that's why Lena did what she did. I stayed for the girls. That was it" Anna nodded sadly. She mumbled in protest as he got off her "Hush baby. I want to hold you". While they were rearranging themselves Bjorn got his thoughts in order. "So when I finally came to and you were throwing up in a bucket and you couldn't stop, you were how long out of chemo?" he asked "less than an hour" she admitted. "It really doesn't agree with me" he closed his eyes and sighed. "When I came to you I was in my 14th hour of vomiting. I'm sorry I was sick all over you" "Anna shut up. I couldn't care less if you were sick all over me. You can't help it can you? No you can't" he answered for her. "So you stayed with me all night and you weren't sick because Benny checked the bucket. Why is that Anna?" "I don't know Bjorn, I really don't. I'm normally sick all night" "and yet with me you stopped" he mused. A smile came to his face. " I like that feeling" he said. "That I do help" "You do, more than you know" Anna breathed "Ok, tell me about the blisters baby, it wasn't from tea was it?" Anna frowned. "You don't change do you, too bloody clever" she smiled grimly "it isn't pretty Bjorn. Must I tell you?" "Yes, everything baby. No more secrets. No matter what" "The chemo burns me from the inside out. It feels like I'm on fire, like I'm being boiled alive and I try not to be awkward but it hurts me badly, it feels like I'm melting and then they give me morphine and they apologise but it does no good. My skins burns and blisters and I can't stand or sit or lie down and I'm nasty, hideous and bitchy. I don't mean to be but I can't help it" she sobbed a bit. My skin peels off and it's agony. Frida helped, really helped last week. She remembered Russo having the same thing and God love her she didn't turn a hair when I was screaming at her. My clothes get too heavy. She had to get them off me and she saw everything and she still told me I was beautiful and I'd give you a heart attack and she put me in the shower and stripped off and showered me for 4 hours till the burning stopped, it stopped and she managed to get me into a t shirt and we had just gone to bed and the fucking breech alarms went off. She was sleeping with me. She'll have given Benny a stroke, she's still stunning" Anna laughed through her tears. Bjorn had stayed silent through all of this. This was far worse than anything Lena had experienced. "Anna, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it's you. I wish it were me" "God, don't say that. You have to be here to look after them all if I can't beat this. I'm not strong enough to watch you leave me. I've done it once and you were alive and well!!" she snapped "You will beat this" there was no room for doubt in Bjorn's mind. "You will baby for I won't watch you leave me either." There was no more discussing that! he thought. "Tell me the plan then. What do your doctors say?" "Well, they seem mildly positive. I'm still here!" "Anna!" he growled warningly. "Sorry, I do my last chemo next month, well 3 weeks time, then I go in for a massive scan which I hate. It's claustrophobic and hopefully they won't see anything else in my body which will mean they got it all and it hasn't spread and I'll go into remission then I go onto some experimental tablets hopefully for the rest of my life. If I stay clear 5 years I'll get the all clear. They seem pleased with me "Ok then" he said calmly. "The battle is on then, on two fronts and we will win my darling girl. If you thought I would leave you because of this then you were very, very wrong weren't you? I will never leave you again. Do you understand me?" "You haven't seen me yet" she whispered. "Pardon?" Bjorn genuinely didn't hear her. "Oh Bjorn!" she got up and walked away from him, there wasn't far to go though and he followed her into the kitchen and grabbed her gently by the wrist. He turned her to face him despite her spirited resistance. He was implacable and got her facing him eventually. "Baby, tell me what it is that is REALLY bothering you now. Look at me and tell me" he demanded for he really had no clue. "This morning!!" she yelled at him. "This morning?" his frown cleared. "This morning was the best morning of my life. I loved every second of it and I'm hoping that we might get to finish what we started right here, I had a massive hard on and you were drenched and then you stopped us, I understand why now" he hastened to add. "but we have it ALL out in the open and ...." "You couldn't see me Bjorn. she whispered brokenly "This morning I mean and just for a while you made me forget how hideous I truly am now and I'm so grateful but when you see what they've done to me you'll be disgusted. I'm disgusted and you won't want me anymore. My breasts are gone" her total devastation was clear and her legs gave out, Bjorn struggled to hold her up but he did. His heart broke as he realised what her problem really was and he remembered that threat she'd had that she'd circled in red pen. "Come with me!" He was done being gentle. He pulled her from the kitchen by her wrist, making her stumble. He kept pulling and the momentum gave her her balance back. "Bjorn!" she protested. "Shut up Anna!" he growled as he got her into what had been their bedroom. He threw her onto the bed and slammed the door and locked it. He put the key out of her reach. "Bjorn are you crazy??" she yelled "YES!" he yelled back "absolutely fucking crazy for YOU!" he jabbed her gently in the chest "YOU!"
She watched open mouthed as he angrily started to strip off. "What are you doing?" she asked. "You said you loved it when I took charge of you. So now I am and you will watch and listen and learn. Do you understand me?" She nodded rapidly. He took his shirt off, losing a few buttons in the process. "See this?" poking at his chest violently."This is a 72 year old chest. It doesn't matter how much I run or exercise I can't get rid of this flabby bit of old wrinkly skin. He pulled at a bit of skin. He turned to the side. "See this??" He pointed to a long thin scar around his rib cage. "This is a scar from a very drunk Lena and a bread knife" Anna covered her face horrified at the thought of Lena hurting him with a bread knife. Her hands were pulled away from her face "I'm not done!" he growled. "Take your jumper off" she took her jumper off. He unbuckled his trousers and kicked them off. He pointed to a massive scar on his knee."Knee replacement 10 years ago. Take your trousers off Anna" she took her trousers off. He took his socks off and then took his boxers off. He was not remotely turned on she could see that he wasn't and Anna's heart sank. "Look at me. I'm 72 fucking years old and until I saw you again I was absolutely incapable of getting an erection. I am IMPOTENT I haven't been able to get it up since about 1987 Anna! He yelled crudely. He stepped towards her and yanked her panties down."Out" he ordered, she stepped out of them. "See this?" he pointed to a large scar across his groin, coming very close to his penis. "Hernia operation 1997" he turned the other way "and oh look a matching one from 2002" He reached up under her shirt and unsnapped her bra. "Off" he ordered. She wriggled out of it and dropped it on the floor. He came right up close to her against her shirt and he kissed her hard. He demanded entrance and she gave it and moaned as the kiss heated up. His hands were busy unbuttoning her shirt and he pushed it aside. He didn't take it off. He pulled her close to him so that she was plastered to every inch of him. He broke the kiss to nibble at her neck. It used to drive her wild and he couldn't help the smug smile as she proved nothing had changed. He pushed his hand between her legs and was absolutely undone to find her drenched. "I fucking love you Anna, I love everything about you, I always have and look who has come out to play." He laid her out on the bed more gently this time and her eyes fastened on his totally erect penis "and who did that??" There was a pause "say it Anna" he rumbled "I did that" Anna said gratefully "I DID that" she said again disbelievingly. He loomed over her "and who is the ONLY one who has that power over me? Who is the only woman in the world who can still turn me on?" He slid his hand between her legs again and she moaned happily "Who Anna?" he demanded "Me. Me. ME" she yelled the last one and then she lost her train of thought totally as he kissed and loved every single solitary scar on her chest, sides and under her arms. "I'm sorry this happened to you but it doesn't change a fucking thing does it? Not for me, never for me You're my world" he said gently. He sat her up and said "Take your shirt off for me Baby."
And she did.
