The walk on the beach was therapeutic for them both and after the emotional storm of their talk it was much needed. It felt much later when Anna asked Bjorn finally what the time was and he reluctantly let go of her hand to check his watch. "It's 1745!" he said with some surprise. Anna looked alarmed and said "Bjorn I've not sorted out anything for supper and Christian is coming over at 1800!" "Don't worry Anna, we can do something together I'm sure. He did say 6 ish. I'm sure he would understand" Bjorn soothed her. They did make their way back though and got back to the house just after 6. He kicked off his boots as they were filthy and put them in the utility room. He would clean them later. He told Anna to sit down and he helped her to take her boots off. "I never thought to bring my clogs" he mused. "I didn't think I'd be lucky enough to be cooking with you" he chuckled. Anna sat for a bit and it looked like she was deep in thought then she got up and went out to the hall cupboard. Bjorn assumed that she was off to hang her poncho up. He waited for her and when it seemed that she had been a long while he went to see what she was doing. He couldn't help but burst into surprised laughter as he was met with the sight of her on her knees with her bottom stuck out of the cupboard. She had several pairs of shoes scattered around her and still she was hunting for something. "What on EARTH are you doing?" he asked her rear. "Looking for something" came the muffled reply. "Can I help at all?" Bjorn enquired immensely amused "Well yes" she said " No I have them!! she said excitedly. "I knew they were in here somewhere!! You'll have to dust them though" Bjorn frowned confused as he watched her back out of the cupboard on her knees. He helped her up automatically and asked "Dust what?" "These!!" She waved a pair of clogs under his nose triumphantly and he made a grab for them before she did him damage. He focused on them and said "These are mine!! I lost them years ago. How on earth do you have them??" Bjorn queried, totally confused "Christian came home in them once and he loved them so much I didn't have the heart to tell him to give them back. He didn't see you for a while after that, then he grew out of them. I just kept them" she busied herself putting the other shoes away that she had thrown all over the place. She smiled at him as she straightened up. "Will they still fit?" "I don't see why not" he grinned happily. "It really is the little things that make me happy you know" he confided in her. "Clogs have made you happy?" She looked at him quizzically. "Yes. My clogs in your house. Makes me feel like I'm welcome here and you might allow me back. Can I leave them here" Anna heard the uncertainty in his tone and hastened to reassure him that yes he could and that he would always be welcome. Very much so.
He went off to shake them out on the veranda and wash them in the utility room. He washed his boots at the same time and left them to dry. He dried off the clogs with some kitchen paper and then tried them on. They were perfect still. He returned to the kitchen to be greeted by the wonderful smell of frying onions and mushrooms. "Smells good" he commented. "Yes but I don't know what else to put with it! Onions and mushrooms are a good start for any meal" she chuckled. She was standing rummaging in her massive fridge "Let's see, it has to be quick." He wandered over to take a look over her shoulder and said. "How about that bit of bacon you have there? Do you have cream?" she rummaged a bit deeper. "I do" "Then all we need is pasta, some garlic, black pepper. Have you got cheese?" "What sort?" she asked "something hard? Like parmesan?" he said. "I have some Padano. That would do" said Anna. "Ok then we have everything we need. Let's get going." Bjorn said happily. He filled a pan with water and put it on the stove to boil. Anna found the pasta and without either of them really noticing they slipped into the kind of domestic familiarity that neither of them had experienced in nearly 40 years and had never managed to experience with anybody else. In that moment, doing such a simple thing as making pasta and sauce, those two were truly happy.
This was the scene that greeted Christian when he wandered half an hour later and for only the second time in his adult life he felt tears spring to his eyes as he watched his parents together. He was too young to remember them doing this sort of thing and he couldn't be happier, he just wished that Linda was here to see it.
He wandered into the kitchen and made his Mama jump when he wrapped his arm around her waist, his other arm was occupied with the baby. He said "Mama, Mama, something smells good!!" He gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek until she squealed. He stole tomatoes out of the salad she was making, she flapped at him with a towel. This made the baby laugh. Then he went and looked in the pan and saw bacon and mushrooms in a sauce. He stole a spoon of that. "God Mama that's divine!" She chased him away from the pan laughing. "Every time we have dinner you do this!" she pretended to moan. "There won't be any left! Why are you always so hungry?? Get out of my kitchen!" She took the baby, hugging her and blowing raspberries at her making the baby giggle and drool. Bjorn watched all of this with something that felt uncomfortably like jealousy. Was this what he had missed out on for all these years? His mealtimes at home were never like this, they all ate separately. He used to eat with the girls but it wasn't fun like this, they were too busy staying out of Lena's way. He was interrupted from his melancholy by Anna yelling "Bjorn watch the garlic bread he's coming for it" he blinked and saw Christian bearing down on the garlic bread that he'd just got out of the oven. He stood in front of the garlic bread to block Christian's path and for his troubles he got "Oh Papa,come on just a little bit, Christian dropped to the right and Bjorn was quick enough to block him then Christian's other arm came round his left side and Bjorn managed to grab his wrist. "Anyone would think you were 9 not 39!" He roared with laughter. " Wait until dinner time! It's nearly ready!" "But Papa I'm STARVING!!" Christian said plaintively and tried to move his father out of the way. Bjorn stood firm and Christian then gave him a big bear hug...which Bjorn massively enjoyed. Christian said "I love you Papa. I'm so bloody pleased you're here" "I love you too son and I'm also bloody pleased to be here but don't be thinking I don't know what you're doing with that hand behind my back" it warmed his heart to hear Anna giggling at them. Bjorn put a little extra effort in and managed to turn them both so that Christian wasn't facing the food. "Son, you are so busted" he chuckled. Christian looked disappointed and shrugged " it was worth a try! I AM pleased you're here though. Mama is sparkling and I do love you for it". He patted his dad on the back and then went to lift Anna up and give her a slightly gentler bear hug, baby and all. He put her down and straightened her headscarf and gave her another smacking kiss on her other cheek. Anna burst out laughing. "What a son we have!!" she remarked rolling her eyes. "Look at him! So like you" "I was never THAT greedy!" he said indignantly. She raised an enquiring eyebrow. "Well maybe for your cream cake" he conceded laughing.
"Were you greedy for fish Papa?" Christian asked out of the blue laughing."Fish?" Bjorn questioned distractedly. "I hear from Aunty Frida that Mama threw one at you because you were chatting to another girl for too long" Christian said cheekily. Bjorn actually blushed then burst out laughing. "That IS true, I can't deny it. She was a damn good shot too!" "Oh god Christian, did you have too?" Anna moaned with embarrassment. "Yes I did, I did have to. It's just too funny Mama, Frida said she got you right in the face and you were dripping" Christian continued. "That's also true. We were in the middle of a posh banquet, I forget what for now" Bjorn shared. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, I do remember getting hit in the face with a herring, I do remember it sliding right down my suit and landing on my lap and I do remember having to wipe my face. My suit was never the same again" he grinned. "Frida also said it had the desired effect" Christian added laughing. "Yeah, it had the desired effect for both of us" Bjorn winked at Anna and she blushed deeply but laughed gently.
" Bjorn! The pasta! Take it off, it'll be all mushy" said Anna suddenly. Bjorn hastily whipped it off and drained it. He dumped it in the pan for her to mix with the sauce.
Later when they had finished the best meal Bjorn could genuinely remember in a very long time Christian said "Right Papa, now Mama has fed us. It's time for us to do some work you and I. Go and get your lap top and your phone if you haven't got it on you." Anna smiled and started clearing the table. "What work?" asked Bjorn confused. "You want me to tell him Mama or you?" Christian asked. "You carry on darling, I'm busy here" she carried the plates to the dishwasher "I'm going to spend some time with my favourite baby girl" "Can we use the mainframe in your study Mama? It would make it a lot easier" came the next question. "Yes it's fine. Bjorn even if you don't call Lena, you should call the girls first" she reminded him gently. "They'll be worried about you"
"Good God, you're right. I'll do it now before we start on whatever Christian has planned!" He hurried off to get his phone and rang Emma first. "I'm sorry" he told her, "I needed time out but I'm absolutely fine. I won't tell you where I am because your mother would make your life a misery until you told her and I won't have that. It's best you don't know" Emma laughed out loud at him "Papa we know where you are. We knew your Anna would find you and take you home. We would never tell Mama. Either of us." " It was a crazy, brave thing you did for me this morning" Bjorn said. "Thank you" "it was our pleasure Papa and it was the right thing to do after last night. You don't deserve that" They carried on the conversation for a little while then Emma said "Papa, get off the phone and enjoy your evening. Be happy tonight. I'm so happy you're ok. I love you lots. Don't forget you'll always be our Papa and we won't let anyone stand in the way of that." Bjorn came off the phone choked up and so grateful. He went on to have a nearly identical conversation with Anna. He returned to the kitchen to find it all cleared away and shipshape feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He discovered Anna and Christian in her study after a bit of hunting, he had yet to learn his way around properly. Anna looked up at him and smiled "All ok?" she asked gently. "Couldn't be better baby" was his reply. Anna looked satisfied as she relaxed. She had the baby on her lap nursing a bottle and Christian was sat next to her busying himself on the computer. "Laptop Papa?" he asked without looking up. "What's going on?" asked Bjorn curiously. Christian smiled and said "Mama is giving you access to all her security systems. Everything. We need to put it on your phone and your laptop, like mine. You'll have exactly the same level of access that I do" Bjorn had a hard time believing what he was hearing. "Why would you do that?" he breathed. "You said you wanted to be part of my life, you said you wanted to help and you make me feel safe." she answered him quietly. "I trust you, so I'm trying to show you that I do" she hesitated. "I won't mind if you say no" Christian held his breath. For some reason he knew that he was witnessing a pivotal moment in the relationship of his parents "Anna, you don't have to do this baby" "No, but I want to. Is that ok with you?" she asked carefully. Bjorn honestly felt like all of his Christmases had come at once. He knew Anna and he KNEW what this meant. She was accepting him back into her life long-term. As part of her normal. She was trusting him with her life. He thought he might cry or have a total breakdown but he did neither. He pulled himself together and he said. "Christ yes baby. I'll do it"
Bjorn and Christian spent until 2330 that night downloading the systems on to Bjorn's laptop and upgrading the security to compensate for its extra content. "Papa, I don't need to tell you to never let this laptop out of your sight. Mine lives in a bag on my shoulder at all times when I'm not at home. Same with your phone. If you have to leave it anywhere for god's sake not around Lena" came out of Christian's lips in varying guises over those hours. Bjorn changed the password and Christian downloaded the eye recognition software that he had on all his PC's onto Bjorn's laptop. "Can I borrow that one day?" asked Bjorn."I could do with it for my mainframe in my office at my house" Christian forebore to ask why, he could guess and said "Of course Papa" he also did not comment on the fact that Bjorn did not call it home.
They packed up and Bjorn took the time to look around her study. It was just like her kitchen homely and covered in photos. Of everyone. He marvelled that he was included, after all this time. He had to wonder why, given her generosity there was no such pictures of Tomas, he said as much to Christian. "Papa those are dangerous waters, that even you would struggle to navigate I think. She's never told a soul what went on. I can't think about it to be honest because I don't want to know the answer" Christian confided. Bjorn's eyes narrowed involuntarily "Did he hurt her?" he growled "I don't know Papa" "Did he hurt you two??" "Not really, it was close sometimes but Mama always stepped in. He didn't like us" Christian sighed. " We were with you when Mama threw him out. She waited until we were gone. She knew the fallout would be huge. Linda and I worked that out for ourselves. She didn't want us to see it. We were with you for most of that summer and by the time we came home he was long gone and she'd covered up any damage he had done. It was clever of her" he said admiringly. "It was brave and she would always have protected you two" Bjorn told him. He burned with the need to know what his Anna had suffered. He resolved that he would be the one she would tell eventually and he would take her secrets to his grave.
They went looking for Anna and found her sat on the sofa giving the baby another bottle."she's growing up so fast darling, she was hungry, she might sleep through the rest of the night after this because I've just changed her nappy. You won't have to do that for a while now "Mama, you're amazing" Christian said with a grateful smile. "I'm not, I'm just a decent Granny" Bjorn couldn't help his soppy smile as the baby finished the bottle and hiccuped. "Here give her to me" said Bjorn. He bent to lift the baby out of Anna's arms and took the towel off her shoulder, putting it on his own. He put the baby on his shoulder and patted her back gently as he rocked her. "Papa, I forgot you had it in you!" exclaimed Christian in surprise. Anna was struggling to get out of the sofa but paused to say "Oh he does, that was Papa's job for both you and Linda. Especially in the early days when I was too fat to move" she rolled her eyes at the memory and said "seems I still have the same issues for different reasons as she resumed her struggle against the sofa. "You weren't fat!"argued Bjorn as he stepped forward and braced himself to offer her a helping hand. She took his hand and he pulled her up with ease. "Well thank you but this girl was truly huge with both pregnancies" she laughed. "Linda was tiny when she was pregnant with all three of hers and so was Isabelle with Nike. I looked like a beached whale. I looked awful and in the seventies they didn't have nice maternity clothes. I looked like a galleon in full sail most of the time" she rolled her eyes laughing. "I mean look at that get up I wore for the Eurovision heats. My embarrassment right out there for the nation to see" she shuddered at the memory. Bjorn smiled and said "You didn't look awful, you looked beautiful when you were pregnant" Suddenly Bjorn was rewarded by a massive burp and they all laughed for she was such a little thing. "To be fair my bow tie that night was worse" Bjorn commented laughing as he soothed the baby gently. Anna sniggered and said "Bjorn you thought you were the height of fashion" "I probably was THEN" he remarked " but it's not a look that has aged well" he shook his head laughing.
Christian took Nike and said "Time for bed. Papa I'll come over in the morning and we'll finish up, then we can discuss the upgrades I want to make for the gates. You too Mama." Anna sighed and said "Really? More?" "Mama there is a vulnerability at the gates that we need to address but it won't take too much to sort I don't think and once we've done that sometime this week or next Papa, Uncle Benny and I will get together and sort out security for the studio. Papa's talked to the same company that fitted this place out" Anna smiled and then said "If I were you I'd plan on seeing Uncle Benny next week not this week" and grinned. Bjorn chuckled and agreed.
Anna said good night and left them chatting and went upstairs, she was exhausted. She had a quick shower and put her red pajamas on. She tied her hair carefully into a messy bun so that nothing showed and shoved her feet into her fleecy clogs and went back downstairs. She found Bjorn sat on the sofa and Christian gone. "Aren't you tired?"she asked "Exhausted" he agreed "but to be honest I don't want to overstep any lines with you" She was puzzled. "What do you mean?" she asked. "I'm here with you in your house baby. What I want to do more than anything is to sleep with you in your bed and tonight I do just mean sleep. I just want to hold you and both of us rest. I have not slept properly for days on end and you it seems not for 40 years. I'm safe here too, I can relax totally. Everyone who loves me knows where I am and I don't have to worry here with you" Anna blushed and looked at the floor. Bjorn tipped her chin up so she had no choice but to meet his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked. "I just assumed. I didn't think. I'm sorry. I assumed you would sleep with me but if you don't want to, you can sleep in one of the guest rooms" He smiled as the relief rushed through him. "Did you hear what I said?" he asked. "I WANT to, more than anything" "then can we?? I'm so tired" she grumbled "it's nearly 1am and I've been up since 6, if you want to debate we can do it in bed" He followed her upstairs having picked up his bag off the table. It felt unreal as he walked into her bedroom and yet it felt like he had never been gone in some strange way, it felt for all the world like he was finally home.
He had to pause to watch her climb into bed, she did look tired out he reflected but still beautiful. "Bjorn?" she mumbled. "Just make yourself at home, I can't keep my eyes open, I'm sorry" He smiled and said "It's ok. Go to sleep Baby. I'll be there in a minute"
He went into the en suite and had the quickest of showers and put his pajamas on. By the time he got into the bedroom Anna was fast asleep pon her side facing "his" side of the bed and it was he thought happily. She obviously slept on the same side as she always did, leaving him with the side he always had with her. He couldn't remember being so happy since before they'd split up. He got into bed, suddenly feeling the exhaustion crashing over him. She woke enough to wriggle as close as she could get and they settled rapidly into the familiar position that had been a mainstay throughout their marriage. Her head was tucked under his chin and he had an arm around her waist. His leg pulled her legs towards him and she settled and mumbled "You remembered. I do love you Bjorn" "I never forgot Baby. I love you too" and with that those two finally slept.
At some point in the night Bjorn was woken by the sure knowledge that Anna was not in bed with him, he just knew it. He didn't need to look. He sat up and listened and he realised that she was in the bathroom and it sounded very much like she was throwing up again. He shot out of bed to find her leaning over the toilet bowl on her knees being violently sick "Oh Baby!" he said horrified. He rubbed her back and made sure her hair was out of her face. When he thought she might have finished he got up off the floor and wet a flannel with warm water. He washed her face for her then got her a glass of water "little sips" he cautioned remembering the last time she was sick. She managed all the water and Bjorn was worried to see her tears "Baby it's ok" he soothed crouching down in front of her. He wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry" she hiccuped. "I just wanted one night with you before it all changes again and I ruined it" "Nothing is ruined" he reassured her. "You can't help being ill baby. Can you get up?" he asked. She struggled to her feet with a helping hand from Bjorn. She sighed inwardly. It wasn't as bad as it had ever been, in fact this had been a much better recovery than ever before but this episode had served as a timely reminder. She needed to tell him. She'd had a whole day where she had forgotten her illness and that had never happened before. She was grateful. Just a bit longer she thought. I'll do it tomorrow. She went to the sink and cleaned her teeth and gargled with mouthwash. Bjorn lifted her up when she was done. "I can do it" she whispered "I'm not that bad" "I know, but I need to Baby" he whispered back. They went back to bed and Bjorn sat up against the headboard. He was wide awake and so was Anna he knew. Anna was resting on his chest and something popped into his mind. "Anna? I want to ask you something."he whispered "Ok" she whispered back. "Why are we whispering? There's no one else here but you and me" "I don't know" he chuckled in a normal voice. "It just felt right" She sat up and looked at him and smiled. "What do you want to know?" What he said next was the last thing on earth she expected him to say.
"Do you still keep the pictures on the floor beside your bed Anna? Like in your song? Did you write that song for me?" he asked her. "How long have you been waiting to ask me?" she was amused. "Four years. Someone wouldn't talk to me" he sighed "but it was only the other day when I was at Vallentuna with Benny that I remembered the box you used to keep" "Bjorn I did write that song for you" she admitted but there are others on there that belong to you too" He sat up straight "Which ones?" he demanded. She smiled. "Maybe you should listen again then if you don't know" he frowned. She sat up and leaned off the bed and rummaged about underneath. She came out with a box that Bjorn remembered now very well. He smiled and said "You DO still have it!" She scooted back until she was leaning on the headboard too and sorted the blanket so they wouldn't lose anything then she just tipped it all out. They sorted through it all, their wedding photos, photos that she'd picked out of them as a couple, from the very first photo ever taken of them together, to the very last one taken that Christmas day, photos of the kids, their baby bracelets, her engagement ring then photos of Bjorn with all his achievements Chess, Kristina, Mama Mia. Newspaper articles, dating back 40 years. Bjorn opened the box of her engagement ring and swallowed his emotions. There had been so much love and hope in that ring and they had thrown it all away, no he had thrown it all away. He felt a hand on his arm. "Stop it Bjorn" she said "Don't be sad" He pulled her even closer and hugged her. "I'm sorry Baby. So sorry" "I don't want you to be sorry. You're here and that's all I want" she kissed him gently.
There was a touch of dawn in the sky when they had finally finished looking through all the stuff she had kept, they had laughed and they had cried but the healing continued.
They had put everything safely back in its box and Anna was cuddled tightly into Bjorn's chest.
"Bjorn? I need you to take me to Viggso today. Just you and me. I'm safe with you. Will you take me? I want to see it again" she asked.
There was something in her voice that made him say. "Baby, I'll take you anywhere you ask me. It'll be cold there still" "I'll wrap up. Can we go?" she begged him. "You don't have to ask again" he said.
"Viggso it is"
