Sincerely, Niall [z.h.] ✔

Wednesday June 5, 2013

Dear Zayn, 

    I ended up not calling anyone last Thursday. You see, I tried. I really did. I got up-very slowly, I might add-and made my way to my dresser where my phone was. I didn't get very far, though. My foot got tangled in my blankets, and it made me stumble. Being in the weak state I was in, I lost my balance and whacked my head right on the corner of my dresser. Talk about painful. I passed out after that because the next thing I remember is Buttercup on my chest, licking at the blood pulsing from my open forehead wound. It was disgusting, but it also felt nice to have someone clean my wounds. You always did that for me-especially after the accident. 

    I knew that I couldn't stay there forever, though, but I did remain there for a few more hours due to the pain in my head. I could hardly move without seeing stars, so I figured it was a good idea not to get up yet. So, instead, I cried. I bawled like a little baby because it all hurt so much, and all I wanted was you to come and hold me and cuddle me until I had no tears left. I didn't care if you didn't love me, or if you were with someone else, I needed you. But you weren't there. 

    When I was finally able to get up, I went straight to the bathroom. I patched up my head and then went downstairs to get some food. My body was so weak; my arms were shaking badly and it was a miracle that I didn't fall over again. I did, however, manage to pour Buttercup a bowl of cat food and also heat up some soup for myself. I felt accomplished as I grabbed the cup of soup out of the microwave. And then my hands shook and spilled some of the hot liquid onto my hand, causing me to yelp and spill more. Guess the Irish aren't so lucky, huh? 

     The days dragged on and on, and it seemed like I would never get better. When Monday rolled around, I still wasn't strong enough to go to therapy. Liam called me a few hours after our session would have ended and asked me why I never showed up. It was then that I begged him to come to my house, to take care of me. He didn't quite understand what I meant by that, but he agreed to it anyway. 

     It had started to rain by the time he got there, and I couldn't help him get dry clothes from my room. Our room. He realized right about then that something wasn't right. Or maybe it was the big bandage on my head that gave it away. Either way, he figured out that something was wrong with me. Once he got fresh clothes on, he made up some hot chocolate, and then we both sat down on the couch. It was awkward for a little bit until Liam asked what had happened to my head. With a red face, I told him the truth. I expected him to laugh at me, but he didn't. He just frowned and swirled his hot chocolate around. 

     Buttercup came out not long after that, and she curled up on my lap and fell asleep. I sat there stroking her fur while I waited for Liam to say something. Anything, really. And after what seemed like years-which probably was only half an hour max-he cleared his throat and set his empty mug on the coffee table. I gave a little shriek and quickly moved the mug to one of the coasters. I know how much it bothered you when the cups weren't on the coasters, it left a ring that you'd have to clean up later. Anyway, I think I startled Liam a little bit, but he didn't comment on it and neither did I. 

     After that came the hard part for me. He just took my arm and rubbed gently over the bruises, which haven't even begun to heal yet. I knew he wanted an explanation, so I told him without him having to ask. It was so hard to tell him, I kept choking on my words. But Liam was patient and understanding, and he held me when I cried, and then he wiped away my tears and let me continue. He never interrupted me, and I could've sworn I saw him shed a few tears as well when I told him in full detail the events of the time I was molested. 

     I was full on sobbing by the time I finished, but Liam didn't give me the stupid speech about how it wasn't my fault, and how I didn't deserve that. He just cuddled me and let me cry on him. It was then that I mumbled out some words I wish I didn't. I said, "I kept wishing Zayn would come and save me, but he never did." Then Liam got all sad, and he stopped rubbing my back. He just got up, draped a blanket over me, and left. It was kind of rude, but I didn't dare say anything. I know what I saw, and it honestly confused me. Liam was crying at what I said. 

I love you, Zayn. 

Sincerely, 

Niall