90 DEADLY DAYS (WEEKLY UPDATES RETURNING THIS DECEMBER)

Chapter 50 (MATURE WARNING)

"No." The answer is unrelenting and final. Does he find my request pathetic? Bristling, I rise. He murdered more men than I can count on one hand, but sending me to the grave with my friend is against his code of honor? I scoff, shaking with anger.

"Fine. I can do it myself." I clumsily lunge for the dagger, grabbing the smooth iron handle. Atol's grip clamps over my wrist just before I can pull away, tightening until I cry out in pain.

"Let me go! It's my life! What's left for me here anyway?"

I blanch as the pressure increases and bite back a whimper.

"You'd take the coward's way?" Atol pulls my hand free and swiftly crushes my fingers in his fist. I force myself to hold eye contact, gritting my teeth to muffle an agonized shout.

"I killed her. I deserve it."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do!"

"Use common sense, Phoenix."

There's no getting through to him. All I know is, I do not belong here anymore. My time in the Shadowlands expired. Now it is time to end the misery.

I scowl, backing away.

"I'll find a way, without your help."

He advances, grabbing me before I can run. I relent, knowing I'm too weak to fight back. He corrals me back in front of him, forcing me to trek down the hill towards the southern most parts of the Shadowlands.

I rebel against him in my mind. At night I fall asleep, dreaming of the moment Jewel and I are together again.

~~~~~~~~~

Atol keeps the guns and knives with him always, just like the last time. His watchful glare notes my every action. In the face of such supervision, my mind grows depraved thinking of ways to set myself free.

Boundaries I once respected, I destroy. They become my new methods. The line between right and wrong, holy and unholy, disappears, fading until I forget which side is which. Knowing me, Atol would hardly expect a dirty fight. It's my best and worst weapon.

I watch, preparing for the moment when I finally spot a weakness in the armor. And then it dawns on me. A plan so terrible, so forbidden by heaven my mind should revolt against me even as I consider it.

But I hold it to the light. Twisting it this way and that, attempting to make it work. I should be horrified, even ashamed. But without Jewel, without my family, my moral compass dissipates into nothingness. Besides, what has my moral compass done for me so far, other than successfully murdering those I loved. So morality be damned. A life for life. This is the way this must end, no matter if Atol believes it to be wrong.

My moment comes two days after we've settled in a southern valley. Atol settles us near a cave resting beneath a waterfall. In the cave's depths, part of the waterfall spills inside, pouring down from the ceiling and thundering into a small pool that rises to my ankles.

The water feels slightly warmer than the hot spring and rush of the miniature waterfall spilling over my shoulders reminds me of what it felt like to have a shower. This small reminder of home makes me even more eager to go back.

Atol and I take turns each evening before the sun falls. Discreetly, I usually head in first, showering beneath the crashing water as quickly as I can before Atol comes in after me. But tonight I let him go first. And as usual, he takes the weapons with him, leaving everything else behind.

Once he disappears, I wait a few minutes. After the time passes, I descend into the mouth of the cave, soul trembling. Heaven bends down her ear, her eyes glued to me in all of earth's picture. I try not falter under her gaze, to disappoint her with my intent.