The Deadly Trials

32 | The Fire's Gone

// the fire's gone //

That night, as I dreamed, a golden crown emblazoned with diamonds, pearls, and amethyst was placed on my head. Flowers that could only exist in Eternity fluttered from the silky fabric of my sparkling red dress. Glass slippers glittered from beneath the dress's hem. Before my eyelids opened, a string of black jewels winked at me, the rhinestones leading to the corner of a familiar mouth.

I woke with a start. I could still feel the dress against my skin, saw the echo of those jewels in the shadows, heard the flutter of flowers like butterfly wings.

Sighing, I got up and brushed my fingers along the red pointe shoes that twinkled in the morning light. The tarlatan of the matching dress slipped along my fingertips, enticing me to wear it again.

    Still in my pajamas, I wiggled into the ballet shoes. I shook my head — wearing these took no prep and brought no pain. I rose to my tiptoes. With a quiet breath, I extended my arms and spun from one side of my room to the other.

    I stopped at my desk and pulled the drawer open. The black rose sat tucked inside as images of Eika and Jack and Kit and Sirene danced across my vision. A bittersweet smile tugged at my lips as echoes of their voices and sounds volleyed through the room.

    I cast a glance at the note Prince Rune had written. I picked it up to study the childlike scrawl.

    "This flower will let you return to Eternity should you ever wish it," I read aloud.

    For a brief second, I could feel his hands at my sides, his breath against my cheek. He purred, "I never knew such beauty existed," and a tingle rippled across my skin.

    Tears, hot with anger and frustration and confusion, overflowed. I crumpled the note in my hands. Teeth clenched, I growled, "Get out of my head. Please."

    I ripped the note in two and hurled the halves, not bothering to see where they landed. Crying quietly, I sunk to the floor.

    I was home, the place to which I'd fought and begged to return. I was surrounded by my family and friends again. I could dance whenever I desired. I had everything I wanted. And yet — I was unhappy.

    My thoughts revolved around Eternity and her splendors. Kit, tending the gardens and even the Malevolent Maze with tenderness and compassion, so unlike his bounty-hunter past. Jack, pulling strange medicines and guns from his worn bag and calling me "bean sprout" as I stared in awe at the view atop Mount Volum. Eika, holding my hand with the motherly understanding my own mother had yet to give me. Prince Rune, risking injury to save a silly picture I had taken of me and Annalyse and stashed in my wallet.

    My hand landed on my feet, brushing the fabric of my shoes. I sniffed, struggling to my feet.

    I would dance. It would clear my head, reset my clock, unclutter my emotions. Now, more than ever, I needed to lose myself to the music and the movements.

    Motivated to empty my mind of everything except ballet, I took a shower, shoveled in a breakfast of oatmeal and orange juice that tasted like orange juice, and then gathered my things for dance class.

    "Wait up! I'm coming with you."

    Annalyse grinned at me and flung an arm around my neck. "Thank god. Let's dance our toes off."