Michael Clifford Imagine Series

18. Harder Than You Know

I smile at him as he slowly sits up and wraps his arms around me. He sighed, "So, did you just want to stay in bed all day?"

I shrug, "Might as well."

We spend the day laying together, except for when we needed food or had to go to the bathroom. It was nice and I almost forgot that he's this big celebrity and was just that not so busy guy. I'm happy for him though, because he finally gets to live his dream for most definitely many years to come, and, as much as I love him, he doesn't need to be tied down. It's easier if he's single, that way, he can have even more fans. I know him well enough that he wants to live the type of life that a rock star does live.

When it came time for him to go to the airport, I felt sick to my stomach, because, I had to break up with him soon.

---

After he had left, I felt horrible. I'm a bad girlfriend, he doesn't need me. I decided I should just message him.

Me: I'm sorry. I love you. You really don't understand what I'm feeling and I didn't want to bother you at first.

Me: I think its time for me to let you go. You deserve to be free and live your rock star life. I promise I will always love you. You don't need to be tied down right now. Just don't forget that I love you.

He texted back right away.

Michael: No.

Me: I'm sorry

Michael: You can't do this to me, please baby don't.

Michael: I love you I love you I love you I love you

I love you too.

Tears freely fell as I decided not to text back, I couldn't and I wouldn't put him or myself through this any longer. It had to be done, I couldn't compete in the life he lives.

---

It had been almost two months since the break up, he wouldn't stop texting and calling, so I ended up blocking his number. Sometimes I still cry, but I had to set him free. He needed to explore, and when he was tied down to me, he was limited; he couldn't just date in a committed relationship.

I still and will forever care for him deeply, and so I check in with his mom, because she understood my intentions. I never wanted to stress him out. A few weeks after we broke up his mom had called me one day to ask me why and that he called her every night in tears. So, I ended up explaining what I was trying to do. She was luckily more than understanding.

I was actually going out to lunch with her today, we've been having weekly lunches together for about a month. She usually tells me how Michael is doing, and he's actually been doing better.

Today, I was going to meet her at the restaurant, but I had a weird feeling that something was going to happen. I could feel it.

I met her like usual, but I felt very suspicious. I nervously kept looking at the door.

I was feeling paranoid.

Karen kept assuring me that Michael doesn't know we catch up with each other each week. I have this feeling that he does know.

I kept thinking he was going to burst through the door at any moment, I thought during our lunch so much that I couldn't concentrate. He never bursted through the door.

All the way back to my apartment, I had this feeling that he was going to just randomly pop up out of nowhere.

When I got home, I unlocked my door and walked in, hanging my coat over the chair in the kitchen as I got myself a glass of water. I turned on the light over the sink and watched as it poorly lit my entire apartment. The shadows around were very prominent, but I froze when I saw a shadow move by the couch.

I set my glass down and grabbed a bat from in between the fridge and wall and slowly made my way around the bar in the kitchen. The poor light from the kitchen only allowed me to see a silhouette of a person with hair sticking up all over the place.

I breathed out and the figure jumped up and faced me. The bat I was holding dropped to the floor with a thud. I knew it.

I sighed in irritation, "Michael, what are you doing here?"

"Josie explained everything," he muttered. "I thought we agreed to tell each other when things bothered us. We established that rule very early in our relationship."

I looked away from him, "I couldn't keep up with your lifestyle, so, I set you free."

He nods, "Yeah, and I came back. And I'm here to stay."

I looked at him sympathetically, "Are you sure about that?"

He envelops me into a tight hug and says, before kissing me hungrily, "More than anything."

---

From then on, the communication in our relationship was so strong that we talked about things that bothered us daily; it was more of a stress reliever. As long as we communicated, nothing could break us.