Saving Hadley

Chapter thirty three.

"Hadley!?" Someone yells, causing my head to snap in their direction.

I see Ryan jogging towards me with a frown on his face. A frown pulls my faces and my stomach drops. I haven't seen him in a while and I was regretting having to do this, well see him. I have to tell him I can't be around him anymore, I really do wish there was a way to keep him in my life, but with him being the main connection to that whole other life, I can't.

I close my locker and turn around as he stops in front of me. "Hi." I say quietly, causing his frown to deepen.

"Where the hell have you been? I haven't seen you in over a week, you haven't even been at school." He says.

Yeah, I'm going to have to tell him.

"I've... Ive been at my house, all week." I say.

"So you've just been at your house, and you can't even text me back?" He says, accusingly.

It was true, he had been texting me a lot, asking where I was and if I'd be coming back around anytime soon. But I felt horrible and I didn't feel like responding, mainly because I didn't want to make the wrong choice and end up somewhere I shouldn't under persuasion.

"Listen, I haven't talked to anyone except a few people. I was sick all week, I was... I'm sober." I say and his face drops any emotion.

He burst out in laughter and puts his hands on his hips, looking up at the ceiling, still laughing. 

"I'm being serious." I mumble and he looks back at me, shaking his head.

"There has not been one time since you've started that you've been sober. So no, I don't believe you." He says, causing anger to rise in me.

"Seriously? Do I look fucking high to you right now? This past week has been complete shit, and you're going to tell me I'm not sober? I've been sober for one goddamn week. And if I can help it, I'm gonna stay sober for the rest of my life. Because as shitty as not having that release is, I feel so much better than when I was constantly doing drugs." I say.

I'm breathing really heavily and Ryan is frowning at me again.

"Hadley..." He starts, but I hold up my hand.

"No, Ryan. You can't be in my life anymore, and I feel horrible about it, I really do. But I need to get better and I need to cut off that part of my life so I don't fall back into it." I say, tears swelling in my eyes.

"So that's it? You're just going to cut me out of your life? For him, it's for him isn't it?" He asks.

But I don't have to answer him, he already knows the answer to that.

"You've know me longer than him, and you're picking him?" He asks.

"Ryan it's not like that. I will forever be grateful for you, you helped me out when I needed it. And he's helping out now that I need a change. A change for the better, and that means no more drugs." I say. "Ryan, I do care for you, so much. But..."

"But you love him." He says and my mouth falls open.

No. No, I don't love Austen. I don't love anyone, not like that. I can't.

"No... no I don't." I say shaking my head. "No."

"Okay, deny it all you want, but I can see. So can everyone around." He says, but I shake my head more.

I can't love someone I don't know, I don't know him. Not all of him.

I open my mouth to say more, but I hear my name being called by someone else now.