Eight Boys and a Walker girl

31| Let go

31 | Let go

I barely notice my surroundings as I barrel through the entrance of the hospital, skidding past reception and charging straight up the stairs to Seacoleard, Jace hot on my heels. He insisted on coming with me, but he probably wasn't prepared for the physical workout I'd give him with my running. Beneath my top, my heart is hammering inside my chest to the point where I'm sure I'm going to pass out. The whole time I'm running towards the ward where they're keeping Jamie, I keep thinking- this isn't real. This can't be real.

Mum wouldn't do this to her son. She wouldn't do this to my brother.

Why would she do this?

I realise that my eyes are filling with tears, now streaming down my cheeks and face. I can't even be bothered to reach up and wipe them away- I just need to get to my brother and fling my arms around him and make sure they can't do anything to him. They won't do anything to him when I'm there. I won't let them.

Mum, how could you?

"Evvie, we've passed the Seacole ward," Jace speaks up behind me, panting from all the running. "You're not looking where you're going! Slow the hell down!"

Ignoring him, I turn on my heel and sprint in the direction he pointed in, bursting into the foyer of Seacole, where my Mum is stood in the middle of the floor, face a red, puffy mess, tears running down her face.

"I'm sorry, Evvie!" she weeps, holding her arms out to me. "They said he wasn't going to wake up- and if he did, he'd be changed for ever, with disabilities beyond repair-"

"You're murdering my brother!" I scream, fully aware that I sound full-gone mad right now. I don't even care- I want to charge at my mother and grab her throat and shake her and shake her. "You're murdering your son! You're evil and I'll never, ever forgive you for this!"

"Evvie..." she sobs into her hands, stepping back from my fury. "Evvie, they said it was best- that I had no options-"

"Who cares if he was disabled for life? I wouldn't care if he was paralysed and unable to speak, so long as he was alive!" I shout, voice breaking painfully in my throat. From behind me, Jace reaches out and grabs me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and I realise I'm struggling to run at Mum and- I don't even know what I'd do to her. I struggle in his arms, flailing my arms and lashing out, trying to push him off of me. "Let go of me, Jace! Let me go!"

"Evvie, no! You need to calm down, you're hysterical!" he shouts over the sound of my noise, his mouth right next to my ear. "You're going to drive yourself crazy. Calm down, for god's sake!"

I break down, collapsing against him and sobbing into his t-shirt. He wraps his arms around me properly, my head in the crook of his neck, his chin resting on top of my head.

"It's going to be okay," he murmurs into my hair, and even though I know it won't be okay, nothing will ever be okay again, I try to let his voice soothe me, trying my hardest to slow my heart-rate down and get myself back to somewhere approaching calm.

"Evvie, please listen to me. Do you think I wanted my son dead?" Mum cries from where she's stood next to the reception desk, staring at me with streaming eyes. "You think I'm happy to sign this paper?"

I turn to face her, slipping out of Jace's hold. "Then why did you?" I hiss. She steps back at the hardness of my voice, looking startled and hurt, but I don't even care.

"They said the chance of him ever waking up were next to nothing," Mum whispers, wringing her hands. "It was a waste of hospital resources to keep him on life support. He isn't going to wake up again, Evvie."