Bucky Barnes imagines

Day By Day

His hand fell from my face and moved to mine, squeezing gently. His lips, dry and cracked, parted to utter a few more broken sentences. "Bucky. T-Tell him I'm... I-I'm sorry I c-can't be there for him."

"I will." I murmured softly. "I'll be there for him, always. I promise."

Steve opened his mouth to say something else, but he was silenced by his pain. His chest heaved slightly with effort, and I knew that his end was near. My face crumpled as his eyes filled with panic and realization.

The gunshots grew closer, and I turned my head to see HYDRA agents rounding the corner. His hand squeezed mine and my eyes turned back to him.

"G-Go." The words escaped his lips, and I kissed his forehead gently before standing up and running towards the ship as fast as I could.

"The Great Captain America is dead!"

I couldn't help but cry harder as the cheers continued loudly from where I left Steve, but made it the ship before flying back home safely.

I stared up at the ceiling in my room one morning, feeling completely empty inside. The memory of Steve's death had woken me up in the form of a nightmare, and I refused to let myself fall back asleep.

I guess no where was safe from my pain, not even in my unconscious.

A gentle knock caught my attention, and I didn't even bother to get up, let alone look over.

"Y/N? It's me." My boyfriend's voice called gently through the door and I closed my eyes. I hadn't even let Bucky in to see me.

It was my fault that Steve was dead, and now that Steve was dead... Bucky did not have his best friend with him, the one person who understood what he was going through. I took that away from him, and the guilt continued to mount the longer I avoided speaking with him.

"Please, doll, it's been weeks. You've hardly eaten, and haven't spoken to anyone. I'm worried about you." His voice cracked slightly, and so did my heart at the thought of causing him anymore pain. "I can't lose anyone else. Please let me in."

After a moments hesitation, I pulled myself off the bed and walked to the door, unlocking it and opening it to find my boyfriend waiting outside. His eyes were sad and rimmed with red as he gazed at me.

Not even a moment later, he stepped into the room and wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. His warmth radiated around me, and I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him, but I knew I didn't deserve this... his affection, his care. I didn't deserve anything.

"Please..." His voice was a mere whimper, and I nodded into his chest before wrapping my arms around him tightly, holding onto him for dear life. After a few moments of silence in our embrace, he began to speak again. "We need to talk about this, love. This isn't healthy."

"If it weren't for me..." I pulled away from him, and walked back to my bed, sitting down. I leaned my head back against the backboard, my eyes closing in pain "Steve would be alive."

Footsteps. sounded on the ground and a few moments later, a cold hand touched my cheek. "Y/N, open your eyes."

I did as he said, and bit my lip to hold back tears as I stared into his gorgeous blue orbs.

"It was not your fault." His voice was gentle, but stern, and his hand made it unable to look away. "It was all HYDRA. You did nothing wrong."

"If they had shot me instead, he would be alive." My voice was thick with grief and I choked back a sob as I continued. "I would change places with him in a heartbeat if I could. His life means so much more than mine does"

"Do not say that ever again." his voice was much more stern now, and his gaze was hard. "Your life is not devalued by Steve's."

"The world wouldn't have noticed if I was gone, Buck." I gazed at him numbly. "There wouldn't be newspaper articles, a statue built, parades in my honor. Honestly, the only ones who would have noticed would have been all of you. "

"And we would have all been absolutely destroyed." Bucky's eyes filled with tears. "Especially for Steve, but even more for me. You have no idea how I would have felt if I had lost you, Y/N."

"Why aren't you mad at me?" I asked quietly. "You lost your best friend, the only person who knows what you've been through. I felt like you would have been absolutely enraged, furious. "

It was silent for a moment before Bucky spoke again. "Scoot over."

I moved over in the bed, leaving a space large enough for him to sit next to me. His right arm moved to wrap around my shoulder, and I leaned my head against his.

"You are both incredibly important to me, for so many reasons." His lips touched the top of my head gently. "And losing either of you is absolutely devastating. In Steve, I found a friend. A best friend, who never doubted the goodness that I had inside of me even when I was controlled by HYDRA. I couldn't ask for anything better in a friend."

I sniffed gently, a single tear falling down my cheek as the sun light began to filter in through the shades.

"And in you, I found love. I found happiness in its truest form, through the months I have spent with you and through all the memories we have had. I know I couldn't find that in anyone else, no matter how hard I could look if I ever lost you. It would be unbearable to lose you, doll. And yes, my heart has yet to heal from Steve's death, but I am not angered. I did not lose both of you, and for that, I am thankful."

It was silent for a few moments before I asked, "Does it ever stop hurting?"

"I don't think so. I think that you just make room for it. But not like this, doll. This is unhealthy and it is destroying you. Steve would not want this for you. I don't want this for you. And neither does anyone else in this tower."

"I know." I nodded, my voice thick with tears. I sat up, and looked up at my boyfriend through teary eyes. "We'll just have to take it day by day."

He smiled down at me sadly, and nodded before leaning in and kissing my forehead gently. "Day by day."

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