His Lie in April - 四月の彼の嘘 (Shigatsu no Kare no Uso) (COMPLETE)

Picking Up the Pieces

It had been three full days now since Kousei's suicide. It was now September 13, and Kaori still hadn't changed out of her bright green T-shirt. She was also all cried out by now. She screamed at the top of her lungs as she covered her face with her hands in anguish, "MY LIFE SUCKS!!" 

Kaori had literally fallen apart emotionally. "I change this guy's life.... this guy captivates me with his piano playing, inspires me to take up the violin, then I get him out of his shell from his tragic past and make him see color.... and this is how he repays me, by killing himself?! What the hell did he ever do to deserve that kind of a fate?! He's left a huge hole in my heart! I can't believe I yelled at him when I last met him..... my heart, it's been broken into a million little pieces!" She was still filled with remorse over how she yelled at Kousei that she should have never met him when they met for the final time.

On this day, Hiroko Seto knocked on the door of the Miyazono residence. She had one letter that Kousei had written out. Yoshiyuki and Ryoko went over to the door, with Yoshiyuki saying, "Who is this?" "My name is Hiroko Seto." 

Ryoko then recognized the name. "Oh, you must be Kousei's friend, and now Kaori's." Hiroko nodded and said, "Yes. I would like to talk to Kaori, please." Ryoko then informed her "Kaori is in her room.... she hasn't left in a couple days. She is so horribly distraught over this news, and so are we. I take it you are, too." 

Hiroko then said "Yes, very much so. Kousei was like the son I never had." Yoshiyuki then directed Hiroko to Kaori's room. She knocked on the door. "Kaori, are you in there?" Kaori replied with "Yes, it's open. Hiroko, is that you? Please, come on in." Kaori said, a bit choked up, "Hi, Hiroko. You can't imagine how big this crater in my heart is. I've imprisoned myself these past two days, thinking about Kousei. She had a letter in her hands intended for BOTH Hiroko and Kaori. 

She had received from Kousei's father, Takahiko which was mailed to him the day he died. "Kaori. I need to talk to you about Kousei. Our hearts, as you know, are still in such severe pain for him. By now, we all know he took his own life on September 10. He wrote this letter, that's meant for both of us. Here, let's give it a read."

The two looked at the first letter. It read:

Dearest Kaori and Hiroko, if you can read this: It has come to my mind that I cannot continue on my seemingly downward spiral any longer, and that I will end my life on my own terms. Ever since my mother died, I turned tone-deaf because of it, and since this disease of mine came to light, it's really taken a toll on my emotions and my physical health, compounded with my PTSD over her and an increasing sense of failure within me. All of these problems have become too large of a burden for me to bear, and even though she was rough on me, I want to be with my mother again. I've already given all I've got on the piano and with music in this life; even if I was given just this one chance to be free of the figurative shackles my mother bound me to, but this disease has really hindered my playing skills, and I cannot play again, nor can I walk; I'm nearly both blind AND deaf. I'm just about irreparably broken as a person. So, the time has come for me to leave this Earth. Also, consider in mind that the doctors said I had only 3-6 months longer to live, had I chosen to continue down that path. Lastly, please, PLEASE, do NOT consider my choice to take my own life as a sign of cowardice. Instead, see it as a way of freeing myself from all my suffering.... and as my only really best way out of all that.
Once again, to my dearest Kaori and Hiroko: I love you both.... Godspeed and farewell.
-Kousei Arima

P.S.: Kaori, I've enclosed a second message for you; it includes my thoughts on things- please read that when you get the chance.....

Kaori was quick to rush to judgment over Kousei's decision. "Dammit, Kousei! How could you still do something so rash and reckless?!" Just then, Hiroko put her hand on Kaori's shoulder and explained the situation to her. "Kaori, hear me out on this, please. You obviously seem to have forgotten about how much pain he was in over the past month or two.... he looked rather emaciated, and he could only speak softly and rather slowly; you also could only barely hear what he said. He was nearly paralyzed due to the rather severe brain damage from the head trauma. That, and he was just about borderline deaf and blind, and all that is what led to his decision to end his life..... as stated in the letter, the doctors only gave him 3 to 6 months tops to live. The head trauma had only made his disease even worse." 

Kaori had a moment of clarity about all this. "You're right..... he just wasn't looking good at all in the past month.... I almost couldn't recognize the guy. He was a shell of his former self. Now I understand.... still, it doesn't take away all the pain it's left on all of us. It sucks, and we hurt from it all." Hiroko then said "It hurts me too, Kaori... but I know all too well what led to him choosing to end his life on his own terms.... he just felt completely empty and alone. And, he was just too ill... it really broke my heart seeing him in such a poor state. Except he wasn't alone at all, he had all of us like his own family, even though his mother left him." Kaori then said "You know... now I understand completely, Hiroko.... but it still hurts me, you, Tsubaki and Watari bad.... it feels like part of me has died, as well... the worst part of this is that we only got to perform twice, and that was it....." 

Kaori then sobbed, and Hiroko embraced her. "We are all going to need to be together, because our friendship will keep us strong....."

Later that day, Kaori and Hiroko got a message online stating that Kousei's open-casket memorial viewing would be on the 19th, with a memorial concert to follow at Towa Hall on the 26th of September, the next week. They would have one last chance to say their farewell to Kousei, to a life that was cut short by an unfortunate set of circumstances.