His Lie in April - 四月の彼の嘘 (Shigatsu no Kare no Uso) (COMPLETE)

Emi's Motivation/Freezing Up

Even though for Kousei it had been two years since his last major competition, he still remained hopeful that he was a changed person, as he sat in the dressing room again, looking somewhat panicked about the fact that he was still fettered to his mother, metaphorically speaking. After all, Emi and Takeshi were inspired by Kousei to take up the piano. They were more-or-less his hero, despite the feelings of hatred they had for each other sometimes, because of how Kousei kept winning every competition. Unbeknown to Kousei, he had won over quite a few hearts not just in Japan, but all across the world.

Emi, in her performance, hadn't forgotten Kousei's impact on her. Many years ago, when they were just young children, Kousei played at a recital, and once his fingers hit the keys of the piano, Emi was just about in a state of trance of his playing. It was that good.

But that was then, and this is now; as she played Étude in A minor, Op. 25, No. 11, playing quite magnificently. Why did she want to play the piano? Well, she was determined, once she saw Kousei that this would be her future, on the piano.

~FLASHBACK~
A seven-year old Emi, with a beaming look on her face, said "Yes! This is what I shall do for the rest of my life, play the Piano! Kousei Arima, I want to look up to you!"

With that, she gave up just about every other hobby she had up to that point. In the years that followed, she developed a one-track mind about her future.

When she met her piano teacher for the first time, she didn't introduce herself to Yuriko Ochiai, her teacher. "Now, now, where are your manners, girl? How do you do? I'm Yuriko Ochiai." She said. "What's your name? Um.... What is it?" Yuriko continued. "So that people who hear me will think, 'I want to be a pianist, too!'" said Emi. "Will I be able to play the piano like Kousei, too?" Emi ran away from Yuriko. "Come back! If you wish for it hard enough, Emi-chan, I'm sure that the music will respond to you."
~END FLASHBACK~

Alas, this was the present. In her mind, Emi Igawa's motivation was Kousei Arima himself. As she played, this was going through Emi's mind: Kousei Arima, he's the invincible one, the pianist who's a breed apart. The one I look up to. He's back. His unmatched accuracy. His playing - like a mirror image of the score. The stainless steel-like piano inaccessible to the rest of us. This was the Kousei Arima of two years ago.... but he's a different person now. He's gone through so much. I can still hear the notes.

Meanwhile, in the dressing room, Kousei began having flashbacks of what her mother inflicted on him a few years prior. He remembered everything in great detail.

~FLASHBACK~

He remembered how he was labeled as a mama's boy who was metaphorically fettered to her whims and ways. Just as her mother got sick, he recalled how he couldn't play with his best friend Tsubaki. "How's your mom doing, Kousei?" Tsubaki asked the little Kousei one day. "My mom said she hasn't been feeling well. She's going to be hospitalized soon." Tsubaki then asked, "But why?" Kousei said "I'm sure It's all my fault." Tsubaki: "Huh"? Kousei: "What? Oh, nothing. My mom got mad because I couldn't play the way she told me to, and she ruined her health. So, I'm gonna take first place and make her well again."

Indeed, Kousei had a contest to win and because of her mother's health, which he won, but many of his peers his age were disgusted by his style. The Child Prodigy Arima's in first again? The Human Metronome, huh? Just go overseas already! Bland and innocuous. He's so in my way! And he's nothing but his mother's puppet! Alas, this was the consensus Kousei received from many of his detractors. 

Kousei, naturally, tried to muffle their criticism. Shut up, shut up! None of you know what you're talking about. At every performance, Kousei always reserved a seat for his mother, Saki. He just wanted to play with Tsubaki and Watari, but Saki always kept a short leash on Kousei. He then went into a minor panic attack when he had the flashback of his mother beating him for not playing the score right, because that's how such a perfectionist his mother was, right up until the day she died.

~END FLASHBACK~

Kousei's mind was like, at this point My Mother! She still resides within me! And my left foot.... she wouldn't like the fact that it's gone! I'm still fettered to her from beyond the grave! As Emi finished her performance, she saw Kousei in the dressing room just in a cold sweat, his breathing somewhat labored and trembling somewhat. Kousei had blacked out. The fact that he was having flashbacks of his mother and worrying about his missing left foot were not helping things. 

Emi looked concerned. "Kousei.... are you okay? Is something wrong?" It took about 30 seconds for Kousei to get his mind back to earth. His breathing became normalized again. "It's nothing, Emi." Emi hugged Kousei. "You poor thing..... I feel sorry for you. Losing your left foot, and now having a panic attack in front me and Takeshi? That's just terrible. Please, get ready. You're up soon." Kousei then said to Emi "It's nothing, Emi. I just froze up momentarily."

Kousei ate another egg sandwich he had packed and had some UCC canned coffee to get his mind focused. He wanted to prove, for once, he was no longer bound to his mother's shackles. And he was up soon. He couldn't have another panic attack in front of many people before this performance of his, otherwise this would get in the way of his mission to change himself. I sure hope that this left foot isn't a harbinger of things to come for me..... and that I'm not bound to my mother in this particular way. I hope I don't have the same disease that ended up killing her!

As Kousei walked into the dressing room in a somewhat stilted manner due to his prosthetic foot to change into his suit, a concerned Emi said to Takeshi "You don't think this is related to the accident from a while ago?" Takeshi said. "Beats me. The guy's been through a lot, and the missing left foot has taken a lot out of him emotionally. I hope he'll be alright."