His Lie in April - 四月の彼の嘘 (Shigatsu no Kare no Uso) (COMPLETE)

Mixed Emotions/I Can't Tell You Why

Kaori also dwelled on Kousei's fate. "The poor guy.... He's gone through so much. I hope he'll endure through this.... Or at least come out of this whole thing better than before."
Two days later, Kousei, having had a successful operation on the damaged parts of his brain repaired, woke up once again, and was bare-chested. His eyesight and hearing had improved, but only incrementally; his speech, however, was still fairly slow. The first thing he saw, was his father, Takahiko, Hiroko and Kaori, all wanting to talk to him. All of them were dressed casually, and unusually for her by now, Kaori wasn't wearing her Saskatchewan Roughrider gear, opting for a pink and white ensemble instead. 

Takahiko said... "Kousei... my son... are you there?" Kousei responded. "Ye... yess.... dad?" He was fairly groggy. He had delivered him his favorite food, egg sandwiches alongside some potato chips and two cans of UCC coffee. While he also liked milk, he had seemed to ditch that in recent times for canned coffee.

Kousei at them up, but there were times when he couldn't eat them that much. "Bucket, please...." A nurse had left it for Kousei in case he needed to vomit. In this case, he actually regurgitated small bits and pieces of the egg sandwich. "Oh.... it's.... nothing." All three noticed how Kousei's speech had now slowed down, but none of them would bring it up to him directly, or at least not with all three present around him. "How are you doing, my son?" 

Kousei cracked a bit of a smile and said "I'm.... feeling alright. I.... just.... don't know.... what happened.... to me." Hiroko said "Oh, Kousei..... you've been through a lot. Did you think you'd be able to be here right now?" Kousei said "Yeah.... I guess..... hi, Kaori...." Kaori said "Oh, Kousei.... damn.... so much has happened to you. I've been worried about you these past few days. Everyone around the school is worried about you..... they send good vibes your way." 

Kousei smiled and said "Thanks.... tell them.... I'm thinking about.... them.... each and every... day." Takahiko then told Hiroko and Kaori "Hiroko, Kaori.... I need a moment alone with Kousei. Would you head out for a bit so I can talk to him in private?" The two agreed and went off. "Yes, Mr. Arima." Once they were gone (and spent most of the time away talking about their concern for Kousei), Takahiko told his son about what happened to him. "You've been through two accidents in the space of a month. I have some things I need to tell you." 

Kousei nodded. "Okay... go... on...." Takahiko then said "Well, here's the problem. Sadly, after at least a few months of speculation, we found out, sadly, you do have the same disease your mother has, which is believed to be Friedreich's Ataxia or ALS; it is more likely the latter. The unfortunate part of this is that it is incurable.... So, you'll have to stay brave." 

Kousei then sobbed. "Dear... god.... Fate.... Is.... Just.... Cruel..... what did I.... do... to deserve... this?!" Takahiko then told him "That's how things are, my son. You will have to try and deal with it the best that you can. With that said, I advise that you try and recover and not take part in the gala with Kaori." 

Kousei was stunned. "But... why, dad?" Takahiko ordered him "For your health's sake, Kousei! Given what your brain has undergone recently, the medics fear that another blow to the head will only accelerate your demise. That is a direct order from me!" Kousei pleaded with him. "Please.... Dad!" Takahiko then said "I don't want to discuss it further, Kousei! It's for your own good!" His father's words pierced him badly to the point where Kousei sobbed even harder. 

He sighed. "But.... Kaori.... I still want... to make.... Wonderful.... Music with.... Her...." He said softly. Just then, Takahiko somewhat reversed course on his stance. "OK.... Tell you what. If you are feeling up to it, then you can perform with Kaori at the gala at month's end. Just make sure that you are completely up to it, both mentally and physically. For now, please just take time to recover.... losing your left foot was bad enough, but two blows to the head makes things even worse, my son." Kousei wistfully said "Alright...." Just then, as Hiroko and Kaori came back, Takahiko signaled the two to come back. 

Kousei then asked one more thing. "Can.... I have.... a moment.... with Kaori only.... Please?" Takahiko and Hiroko agreed. "Yes, you can have a moment with her, my son." Takahiko said. Just then, Takahiko and Hiroko walked off for a moment, to talk about the same thing, about Kousei's health and possible future. Kousei slowly told Kaori "Kaori... I still... believe.... I can play... the piano... well." Kaori lamented "The whole school feels like a tomb these days. The music room, where you toil a lot, also feels like a barren wasteland. It's almost summer.... And I lament each day that you're not around. Everyone does. Especially me, Tsubaki and Watari. They wait each day to see whether you will come back. I know you will. I still believe in you. Music IS freedom. You are what you are. Don't let something like this get in your path in being a new Kousei. Don't give up.... Keep on keeping on. I hope to see you back at school sometime, Kousei. I'll be thinking of you every step of the way..... just think of me as well, too." She had stopped short of saying she liked him, and Kousei did likewise as well. "Yes.... I'll remember.... All of you.... I'll think of.... all... of you.... Tsubaki.... Watari... and you... Kaori. Thank you.... for coming..... here.... today." 

Kaori nodded and cracked a smile. "It's been nice talking to you. I need to get prepared for the gala soon.... I hope you can come back. I'm watching you. I believe in you. Remember that." Kousei weakly said "Thank you..." and Kaori left. Just then, Hiroko and Takahiko were waiting for her. "Well, Mr. Arima and Miss Seto, thank you for coming here today. We can only hope for the best out of Kousei...." Hiroko said, "Us too, Kaori." 

As Takahiko went back home for now, Hiroko and Kaori had a brief heart-to-heart talk with each other. "Kaori.... You've always said that music is freedom, right? Your playing style.... Is free-flowing. I've seen you quite a bit in the past. But with me..... with each passing day, I think whenever we talk, we become closer. Sisterly, even. We both have to be there for Kousei every step of the way.... And even though he still has quite a way to recover.... We can try and help him heal and recover. Maybe not physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Give him a big lift. I believe in you, and you believe in me. You have my support, Kaori." Kaori smiled and said "Yes..... you do have my support. And I'm grateful for it." The two hugged each other again.

That night, Kousei, all alone on his hospital room bed, his chest partially exposed, had a different outlook on life when he was alone. When his friends and family were around him, he expressed hope, but when all by himself, he realized his life was slowly sinking into an abyss, and he felt increasingly hopeless, with feelings of being unloved mixed in. It was a side he DARE not show towards the people he knew. He had another inner monologue. Man.... I had everything in life.... But my mother just was such a perfectionist! She instilled it on me! This has been a rough few weeks for me, and now my dad tells me I have a goddamn incurable disease! It's bringing me down! I knew I was fettered to my mother in many ways, but like this as well?! It's a drag! I don't know whether I can deal with this for much longer..... I seem to be blacking out often, I'm speaking slower.... Just when I think my fate has begun to change, all this happens! Now it might even be in jeopardy! Even though Kaori seems to like me..... I feel just... not loved at all!

Kousei then chose to listen to a 1970s rock song on the music player right by him. He chose the Eagles' "I Can't Tell You Why" and begun lip-syncing to the lyrics as he heard the song.

MUSICAL NOTE: "I Can't Tell You Why" by the Eagles

Look at us baby, up all night
Tearing our love apart
Aren't we the same two people who live
Through years in the dark?

Ahh
Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can't tell you why

Meanwhile, Kaori, who was in her room in her residence, got out a roll of blue tape used for painting. She marked a 7 foot/2.13 meter strip down on the floor near her bed, with arrows on each end. She marked on the tape WALK THIS WAY. Having become increasingly worried about Kousei, she needed something to keep her mind at ease in addition to the Famicom, so she marked a line on the floor, to give her a place to pace around and/or bite her nails.

When we get crazy
It just ain't to right (try to keep you head little girl)
Girl I get lonely too
You don't have to worry
Just hold on tight (don't get caught in your little world)
Cause I love you
Nothing's wrong as far as I can see
We make it harder than it has to be
And I can't tell you why
No, baby, I can't tell you why
I can't tell you why.....

She looked at the strip of tape and said "WALK THIS WAY.... This should keep me together for the time being." She then went to bed, trying, again, not to let Kousei's health worry her, emotionally speaking, although given the direction Kousei would soon be headed in, this would soon become an uphill battle for her as well.