Dogs

18.

Youngjae

JB and I laid in bed and relaxed, too tired for anything but each other and meals. We simply hid ourselves into our room, listening to music and singing along while talking about random things. JB read while I gamed at times, just enjoying each other's presence and our free time.

I don't know how but we ended up talk about marriage that night, JB's body stiffening next to me as the topic came up.

I peeked up at him warily, remembering his blank expression during dinner. I looked up to see his blank expression again, my heart dropping into my stomach. I had thought that he just didn't like being pressured by our parents... not that he didn't want to get married.

"Talk to me" I urged softly. My request hung in the air, making the room seem so stuffy at the sudden silence that followed.

""Why do you want to get married Jae?" JB asked, finally breaking the painful silence.

A thousand thoughts ran through my mind as I stared hard at the ceiling, trying hard to formulate the words without seeming too crazy and clingy.

"I want everyone to know and celebrate that we're together...?" I replied after a beat, my answer sounding so unsure even to my ears.

"Everyone knows we're together" he stated, dismissing my reply.

"It's more of a celebration for everyone around us" I mumbled, peeking up at him.

"I don't see why I need to prove anything to anyone" he frowned, his body still tensed next to mine.

I sat up slowly to face him, his face still a blank mask which hurt. Why can't he be open with me?

He sat up against the headboard as well, scanning my face before releasing a sigh.

"Look Jae, it's just a piece of paper. The rest of it is just a sham for people to earn money. We don't have to change anything" he muttered, averting his eyes.

"What's so wrong about letting people earn money from a celebration?" I asked, staring at his side profile.

"I can't... I'm not going to marry you Jae" he replied softly, his words cutting me deeper than anything.

I sucked in a deep breath and hugged my knees to my chest, recoiling and shielding myself from his words.

"People get married... and people get divorced too" he mumbled softly, my heart lurching in my chest. Oh... I forgot.

"I... I'm sorry" I whispered, unfolding my arms. He looked so distant that I shifted closer, wanting to comfort him somehow.

"Let's stop this" he sighed, clearing his throat while running a hand through his hair.

"I wasn't picking a fight" I frowned, sitting between his legs.

He kept his head averted still, staring out of the window. He looked so defeated in that moment, his jaw slightly clenched while his broad shoulders slumped downwards. My heart ached for him, knowing that I couldn't do much but just be here.

I shifted his arms from his lap and settled myself there, hugging him close to me by his shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder, stroking the back of his head softly to comfort him.

I felt the tension slowly leave his body, his arms finally wrapping around me. I snuggled closer to him, his arms tightening around my waist as he held me tighter too. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, rocking me slightly as he whispered "I'm sorry Jae"

I kept quiet, not knowing how to respond to his apology, the two of us staying locked in that embrace until we slept.

~