Dogs

8.

Youngjae

I cracked my eyelids open, feeling it all crusty from the dried tears. My face felt way too swollen still, my aching body a reminder of what happened the night before.

I stared into JB's eyes, afraid to see the disgust in his eyes and yet searching his eyes to find something worse, his guilt and fear.

I slowly straightened my fingers, feeling it cramp from holding onto his shirt the entire night. I reached up to stroke his face, his expression so serene as he leaned against my palm.

He opened his eyes after a beat, pushing my hand away slowly.

"I didn't... I'm sorry. I thought it was just a date" he mumbled. I scrunched his eyebrows together with a frown, lifting my head to look at him. Again with the "just a date"?

"I just thought you'd be happy. I didn't know he would... I just wanted you to be happy" he tried explaining. The more he said the more I felt something ignite in me. Happy? Really?

"Do I look happy?" I asked, lifting myself off him. He sat up to face me as well, his distracted expression letting me know that he was still thinking of something.

"You were before. Before that" he frowned, speaking up.

"Really?" I huffed, getting up off the bed. I can't even. I'm aching and I just wanted some comfort... not for him to clear his guilt. All I needed was him...

"I saw you two" he mumbled, shaking his head, still looking so distracted. My body protested as I stood up, the disgusting reminder of Minhyuk's hands on my body making me snap.

"Seriously? Do I even look like I enjoyed myself?" I asked, gesturing to my body before looking away from JB. I shouldn't push this onto him...

"Jae, I..."

"No. Don't" I interrupted, heading towards the door. I didn't know what to do, just knowing that I should leave before I snap at him again.

He tugged on my hand, turning me to face him while he stood between the door and I, blocking me from leaving. I took a deep breath while trying to calm myself, the images of last night, the helplessness, the anger, the pain... I just need to leave.

"I can't talk to you now. I'll regret the things I say" I muttered, trying to keep my voice calm. I looked up at JB, trying to let him know I needed to do something... anything but away from him.

"Don't leave Jae" he begged, my resolve cracking slightly. No... I can't. What if I say something I'll end up regretting?

"I can't stay. I'll be back. Just... just treat it as though I have some schedule" I tried, looking away from him.

"Please Jae. I just thought..."

"You didn't think" I snapped, turning to glare at him.

"I wanted you to be happy. To have another shot rather than..."

"Happy I got raped?" I shouted, my anger boiling over. Another shot at what? I told him he cheated on me... for my heart to get broken again?

"I didn't expect him to" he explained, leaning against the door. I really need to leave... I need to just...

"You... you know what I really can't do this" I snapped, trying to move JB away from the door while standing beside him. The stupid gangster blob that he is stood still no matter how I pushed, easily tugging me back to his front while he pushed my hands down.

The feeling of being so overpowered triggered something inside of me that I hung on to my anger, knowing that I would breakdown and sink if not.

"Just..." I gritted out, clenching my hands into fists.