Married My Enemy (#1 Rajput)

94- 'Is This What Depression Is?'

I waited. And wait. A minute passed. Two minutes passed. Three. Four and five but she wasn't online which summed up she hadn't read my messages. I just wanted to hear her voice once to make sure she was fine. I had the opportunity to call her in this one month, she even called but I wasn't ready or comfortable to talk. I couldn't bring myself to speak to Kiaan who I lived with so, Aditi was a friend, living in a different country. Now I wanted to talk. But she wasn't there.

I dropped my phone on the couch, moving around in my spot to get rid of the feeling. I hated thinking too much. I hated feeling anxious. And I felt just that at the moment. My confused gaze of how I'm feeling this and why I'm feeling such way landed on Kiaan. He was drinking his tea which I made five minutes ago. His hand moved up and down in motion of drinking and putting the cup back on the counter next to his laptop, not once did I feel his eyes moving away from the bright screen. His back was to me but I could tell by his posture that he was doing some important work.

His broad shoulders were tensed, his back straight. He's worried. He's never and I repeat, never sits with his back straight on the stool, he likes to lean onto the counter for support, something was up. But more than up, his wet hair was dripping down his back now making the back of his shirt a little see-through from the top half. And that was driving me nuts. I felt like I was in his body, which made me shiver. I hate the thought of wearing something even a little wet.

I stood up, bragging my body to him. Standing behind him, an inch away I started drying his hair with the towel. He exhaled calmly, leaning back into me a little. His shoulders weren't tensed now, they relaxed down instantly, I noticed them falling from the professional-work posture and attitude. His straight lined back was now sinking down, letting a tired yawn out.

"It feels so good." He whispered hoarsely after another yawn. "I want to sleep." He looked over his shoulders, looking up at my face. He remained seated on the stool but looked so tired like he'd fall of into a deep slumber. My hands automatically stopped, the towel still on his head but not blocking his face. His face was like those little children who don't want to wake up for school, so tried. And worked-out.

How do I react? What do I say? "Oh. Ok?" It was like telling a kid that it's all right not to go to school. I've changed so much that it cringes me sometimes. If I had said this to Kiaan and he gave me a 'Oh, ok,' I'd probably be shouting at him by now for not giving me valid advise or even paying attention to what I was saying. Wasn't 'oh, ok' another way of saying 'I don't know,' or 'do whatever you want, like I care.' The thing was, I did care, and I'm just stupid to explain myself.

"Right." The way he said it, oh I know he means the opposite. Something like, 'I hate you.' I'd probably do the same. Be sarcastic. His face dropped, sinking down into an exhausted position. He flips his head to the laptops direction, reading the time he logs out, shutting the laptop lid. "I'm getting late."

I quickly move the towel around the back of his head, soaking up any extra wet bits of hair so it wouldn't roll down his back. He stands up, my hands automatically bringing itself back to my body with the towel.

"So?" I hear his deep voice, holding the laptop and file in one hand with the lunchbox in the other. He looks at me, raising his eyebrow waiting for me to answer his unasked question. I move back, creating some space between us which doesn't seem to sit well with him. He rolls his eyes, not the normal roll, but the annoyed and the type he'd use when he's used to my behaviour. He slips the car keeps into his finger, heading towards the door when I ask.

"So what?"

"Nothing." He muttered, managing to open the door.

"Tell me." I repeat in order to find out what he was talking about.