Married My Enemy (#1 Rajput)

90- 'Inner Demons'

Somebody commented that Jaanvi reminded them of Maya, which is a huge compliment cuz MAYA IS ICONIC! AND I LOVE HER. So my thank you to you, whoever said it.

The scariest monsters are the ones that lurks within our souls' ~ Edgar Allan Poe

Started Typing On - 27/03/2019

Finished Typing On 28/03/2019

Chapter 90- 'Inner Demons'

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Author's Pov:

Depression. If you don't know anything about it, you'll most likely think 'ohh, it's stress.' Or a period of time when you are 'silent.' But it has more to it. There's a thin-or big line between the two if you think about it with different perspective. Depression is that feeling which makes you all sad and suffocating in your own body-though you may be perfectly fine physically. It's all a mental game.

There is this barrier created, or a big wall between you and the people around you. You've got words; many but you just can't explain how you feel. Whether it's your spouse, parent, sibling or friend or sometimes even a teacher, you just can't put it out there. It doesn't feel right.

You're on your own. You see darkness around the light, negativity around positivity, you start having trust issues. Thoughts of why you ended up like this? Or why you're with a person. It's that time of your life when you only see your inner demons.

Depression can be a result of bullying or sometimes the way we've been treated or what we see at home. Which ones the worst?

Probably all to be honest. But home. Home is the place for peace, for relaxation filled with love and care. Not everyone has that. Not everyone also has parents. Parents to kiss our foreheads before we sleep or mothers-sometimes father, to make breakfast for us. A hand to hold onto when we're sad. A shoulder to cry on, letting all your stress fade away as we share our anxiety with our parents without fearing of being judged.

But some don't even have that.

'A child is a reflection of their parent.' Jaanvi remembers. Sometimes it can just be the people you're around. It doesn't matter what your parents are, you won't-you can't be a duplicate copy of them unless you behave like them, repeat the mistakes which they might have done in their life and become something they are. But how could someone like Jaanvi-someone who lost the ability would think straight at this point?

She was a combination of everything. Bullied at school, no high profile bully but normal teasing-you can't even consider that as teasing at this point. You wouldn't and just cannot call it teasing if you were accused of being the reason behind your mother's death or having a mute father. It hurt. It affected her mentally and emotionally for so long but all those accusations use to rush away like waves once seeing her father's face. His smile.

She was treated well by everyone at home. Expect Juhi. It's not that she never had fights with the twins, she did but they were only children. With Juhi it wasn't nice. It was nasty. The words, the slaps, the grips on her little arm and all those punishments were nasty. There was a corner of her heart which wished to never go back home again but the same time she wanted to, she really wanted to see her father. At time's she'd think, 'Why can't I just die? Why can't I just have cancer? Why would god be so cruel?' And then the next moment she'd smile like everything's fine.

Smile. Laugh. Dance. Sing along the lyrics.

Music. In those dark clouds of trouble, sadness, tear and fear covering her body, she smiled and for a little while forgot everything because of those melodies. It helped her relate to different emotions, to feel them. Some sad-love songs. Some hip-hop, some old yet beautiful ones. Music was like a transforming device for her, it changed her mood-swings faster than lightening. It was her shield from sadness.