Married My Enemy (#1 Rajput)

92- 'Don't Want You'

My eyes were burning seeing his sad, weak smile while the tears ran down his eyes. My chest felt heavy as if they were filled with something sharp. Sharp enough to slice through my organs all around my body. All I knew was he's broken. Injured brutally by me.

"You'll regret it." He ripped his eyes away, looking at the couch over my shoulders. Sniffing and wiping his wet tears he just shook his head. "What bothers me is you think it's right at this moment. Few years later when you'll remember it all, when this rushes back to your skull and when our friends or family has their own children you'd break." He whispered. His eyes watery. "And by then, I wouldn't be there. Because I'd be long gone."

"What do-d-do y-you mean?" I could feel the panic rushing through my veins. I reached out to his hand, holding them firmly to draw his attention towards me. He didn't even look at me, only at the couch. Will he leave me?

"I'd be a different Kiaan, Jaanvi. I won't be the mature one. I won't live my life thinking about others. Why would I? I have no one to think about or nobody to earn all these money for."

"I-i-I'll be here."

"I don't want you." He roared. "I won't forget it. I won't forget or forgive you if you do anything to hurt me. I've been through enough because of you, not anymore. I've got feelings, I've got my wishes. It doesn't end on only you."

"You'll leave me." I whispered, pulling my hands away from him. I moved back, feeling the world turn upside down in front of my eyes. "You'll leave me!" I shouted, a drop of tear fell from my brown eyes.

"No." He replied, watching me with an icy expression. "I won't. I don't believe in divorces. But I won't also care about you. You can do whatever you want, I wouldn't question you. The only time you'd see me is at night." He rose up from his place, walking into the hallway and into the room.

I felt myself falling when I tried to stand up, putting my hands on the carpet I rose up running slowly into the bedroom to talk to him. I walked inside the room to see Kiaan throwing around his files, yelling, "Where did I keep it?!" He didn't want to work, he just wanted to distract himself from me.

"As time passes we'd get over it." I rose my voice, holding the door knob tightly in my hand from keeping myself to dig my fingers into my soft palms.

"I won't." Kiaan responded, throwing the files across my way, his back facing me. I flinched away, moving to the other side of the room.

"I'm more scared of raising someone who may turn into a devil." I whispered, loud enough for him to hear me. His hands which were ready to through a notebook away stopped, his body stiffed clearly but remained showing me his back. "Juhi's parents didn't know she'll be like this but look." I cried. "I don't want to be accused of giving someone life who'll ruin someone else's."

"What if our child has someone written for them? You're going to change it by killing the baby. You have no right to do that." I could tell from his tone that his anger was nothing but a shield for his pain. Pain he didn't wish to show me or anyone. "Look at you," he turned, his eyes interlocking with my teary ones. Those red ones spoke with so much confidence like he knew he was right. "-You were raised by a single parent. A father only. You're well behaved, educated, sorted out. You've had a rough childhood because of someone else, not because of your father, right?" I nodded.

"Our baby would have us. Us both. We'd raise her or him with so much love. Children learn from their parents and we are sorted out, right?" I nodded. "We'd be carefully, you can be as strict as you want towards the baby, and I won't interfere. We'd make sure she or he understands the meaning to life and the family values, I'll make sure of it myself. We'll make our child understand that jealously has no place in our house. You'll teach them to be strong, like you were all those years, Jaanvi." His tone was deep, deep as the sun at midnight.

Kiaan walked towards me, stopping just an inch away. I looked up in his eyes, wishing it was all as easy as it sounds but it wasn't. "I'll spend as much time as possible with you and the baby, I promise. You'll be fine. Our child would be fine. You won't go through what your mother did, it's very rare cases and if it does happen I'd always choose you. Always." He wiped away my tears with his rough and hard thumbs, I closed my eyes.

"Remember you told me you'd want me to save you over the baby if it was a girl because it's hard for a girl to grow up with a father only?" I nodded, opening my eyes to see his expression. "I'd choose you over the baby, whether it's a boy or a girl. Nobody comes above you, nobody. I just want you to try. To give our baby a try. This would change our life for good. I promise, I can feel it."

This wasn't the only reason why I didn't want the baby. Yes, this was in my head but I had days when I didn't care whether I lived or died long as I see my papa and Kiaan for the last time before I close my eyes. My mother couldn't see my father the last time before her heartbeat dropped, I don't want that.

But the little doubt I had. The little uneasy feeling of having a girl who'd live without a mother worried me, and Kiaan cleared the uneasiness away from me.

"I'll always be here. Always. But for that you need to trust me fully. You have to understand what I'm trying to say over here. You really need to see the sunlight through those dark rooms to see where I'm coming from." His fingers moved my hair away, wiping the remained tears of my face. "I'd like you to meet a therapist. Talk to them, ask any questions you have, they'd help you make you right decision." His tone pretty much summed up the serious depth of his conversation.

I gulped down my saliva, licking my dry lips as I shake my head. "I'm not mental." I hold his hands, removing them from my face. I was turning to walk away from him but Kiaan held my elbow, bring me back.

He took a deep breath, cooling down his visible anger. "I know you're not mental. Just go there.  Therapist help their patients to make decisions and clarify their feelings in order to solve the problems. It'll help you, I'm sure. Go. Please, for me." He slides me a look, dark eyebrows raised with hopeful eyes.

I don't know why but everything he said made sense to me. It really did. "Ok." I agreed, biting my inner cheek in irritation. I've started to hate communication and I'd have to do exactly that with a doctor. Couldn't get worse.

"Thank you." He sounded pleased. When he spoke, it was like low roll of thunder right in front of me. I smiled copying his expressions, trying to look happy though I didn't quite felt that was. He sighed in satisfaction seeing my smile after so long, snaking his arms around me he pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry for what you've been through. But I need and expect you to be patient and prove your love for me by trying." After a month, a long month I hugged him back.

My fingers curled in his back, holding him firmly as I let out a sigh burying my face on his shoulder. It was a strong hug but gently enough for me to breathe out lightly. I closed my eyes giving them some time to rest. The last thing I heard before losing my sense was,

"I'd make an appointment." To which I just hummed in response.

Sometimes you don't agree to a certain thing-plan or decision but we end up agreeing to it for someone else. I felt exactly like that.

Married My Enemy