She didn't do anything with the man once she got to South Carolina. She didn't even see him for that matter. She went about her day and hung out with her cousins friends.
But during that time while she was up there she kept dozing off or wouldn't pay attention to what her family was telling her. She would get high and she felt like she could see the real world and not worry about anything. When she was sober she was back to square one and kept overthinking about random things and felt as if her time was running out. She didn't know how to describe it but she felt like she could explode any minute.
She came back from her mini vacation and would talk to people back at home and do the same thing. She would smile at some point but doze off again and get paranoid. She didn't know what was wrong with her again but she was scared to find out. She became more sarcastic and rude.
Each time she closes her eyes she opens them after a few seconds and feels completely different. She had become frustrated with herself and she didn't feel like herself again. She once again felt as if she was in a body that wasn't hers and just would watch what her body would say or do.
She had started to freak out because she felt out of place and if time was passing by her like a cheetah.
So while her and her family were eating she just told her mother that she needed to see a therapist but her father had asked "why?" she would tell him because of her thoughts which was true but she also wanted to see what they would say, and of course her mom got all mad and told her while making a face
"Ay what? for what eh? I swear every time she meets someone new she feels like she has the same shit as her friends have too!"
She felt a nerve kick and told her mother
"So that means I have cancer to then huh?" while making a face towards her mother and looking at her mother and father both. Her mother simply shook her head while her father stared at her
"The fuck you need a therapist for?!" her mother asked
She simply lost her appetite and stood up wanting to cry but she held strong and told her
"You think i'm joking no it's fine I can never talk to you about things like this-" by then her father had left the table by now.
"So I tell grandpa about this stuff instead of you because you think its a joke" with that she put her leftovers away and went to her room as fast as she could so she wouldn't see her mother anymore. Her mother stopped her to check the washer and clothes that she left behind but all she did was stare at her with disgust.
Her mother told her never mind that she would do it so she went to her room and cried but the thing was that she only shedded one tear because she didn't feel anything.
Her room was for her singing and countless tears
She came to a sense that she was depressed no matter how much weed she smoked to make her mind off of things the depression came right back making her sober up each time. Did she want her life to end? Yes, Yes she did.. but was she going to end it? No. Why? because she still had family that she cared for.
She talked to her cousin earlier that day about it as well but it turned completely and she felt embarrassed.
Her cousin told her
"everyone has moments where they blank out especially on like life itself and actions wise it's like being deep into thought so shit happens."
"i'm here for whenever you go through your weird lil trips"
"i don't even know what to call them"
So she told her dear cousin she trusted "it's not weird its dead ass an issue that i'm dealing with bro
but thx."
It was obvious that it hurt what her cousin told her but she was not one to tell her feelings to someone even if she was bold.
She wanted to stop giving her grandpa a fake smile and show him a real smile for once not knowing his granddaughter was suffering. She only cared for what he thought because he was her true best friend.
She wasn't sure if she indeed had depression or anything, but it sure as hell felt like it.
So once again behind that fake smile she held another secret.
