Love.
She wanted love again. Even if her last relationship wasn't "love". She wants a love that will make her feel alive.
She wanted a love that will make her want to wake up everyday to the love of her life. She wants a love that no matter how old they are, he will forever make her feel young. She wants a love where he still gives her butterflies whenever he glances at her or holds her in his arms.
She knows there will be arguments but she wants to know no matter what happens that they will always come back to each other stronger than ever.
She didn't really like the idea of marriage and having that label with someone. She told herself that she doesn't need to marry the love of her life if they are still going to be together regardless. She hates the word "marriage". the truth behind it, is honestly why be married when it can turn to complete shit? It breaks the bond when you've tied it. Its like peeling off a bandaid and leaving the cut to get infected.
All she believes that marriage causes is pain which the love is no longer there. She doesn't want that. She wants the love to always be there whether she is stubborn, upset, happy, or exhausted. She knows that the next man in her life she hopes that he is the one so she can truly love him and cherish him with no remorse. She wants him to love her for her. Not her body, even though she doesn't have one, but for her heart and soul.
She feels like she won't ever have a soulmate and she is okay with that, But deep down she wants that shoulder to cry on.
All her life she saw how marriages happen. there is the affair marriage, where the wife thinks everything is completely fine and her husband is all happy yet, he comes home late from "work" while she is too blind to see he is with another woman in his office having sex while his wife is at home in bed reading a book till he came home to her and gave her a kiss in the forehead and washes up the sex stench smell of another women's perfume.
Another one is the bored marriage. It's the marriage where everything at first was amazing and adventurous till a month later it all stopped. Her husband just stays in the relationship just because he just cares about her not wanting to break her heart yet she feels the absolute same. His wife used to be happy of the thought of her husband being her husband and all till there was nothing fun and happy. No more sex, No more conversations, and no more anything. They stayed only because they cared for one another not because they loved each other.
Grow apart marriage. Countless of fights and screaming. It didn't solve anything. The husband thought once they got married the relationship would be better, but he was wrong. He fought with his wife not wanting too. She grew tired of him and wanted to leave. He didn't want to give up the love and marriage but his wife did and she didn't care. He hated the fights knowing he would try to fix it yet she told him they grew apart and there was nothing he could to to fix this marriage but only to get a divorce.
Leaving for younger women marriage. This marriage she has seen the most and she is the most afraid to get into a relationship like this even if marriage wasn't involved. This marriage is where the husband and wife have been together for years and have a child or two together. Her husband comes home drunk every late night wishing he didn't have this life because of the kids. He told his wife he met someone younger with no kids and beautiful. His wife was torn and felt insecure of course knowing her husband was leaving her for a younger women. She was left alone while she had to raise her kids alone while her now ex husband was on a cruise ship with his 21 year old girlfriend.
She told her friend this
"I never did even though my parents are I still don't. why get married to someone who ends up cheating on you or wants a divorce if it didn't work to me there is no point you dont have to prove to somebody you love them with all you heart to make that "big step" I can still be with that person as bf and gf even if I did it would not make a difference to me I never liked marriage bc it never works out ever in my family and my parents are miserable and they are married. So no I don't believe in marriage and if someone ever made me change my mind about marriage then i'd have to really really be in love with that person till then I won't ever get married,
I even told my mom that I won't ever change my mind on whoever comes in my life until the right guy comes and actually makes me think of marrying the guy myself "
She told her friend that and her friend told her she had made her change her perspective on marriage now. She didn't want to change anyone's mind about marriage she just stated her opinion and about love.
That's why she was scared to love and think about marriage.
She still wants love of course but she doesn't want to end up like any of the reasons why she doesn't want to get married even if she wasn't technically "married" but as a couple.
She wanted the love of her life forever
She wanted Love to love her back.
