A little Luck (GLs)

Making amends

    I couldn't keep Lucas out of my thoughts. As a matter of fact, I was just thinking about him when my cell started vibrating. I answered, my heart crawling into my stomach.

   "Hello?" I whispered into the phone.

    "Mrs R? Are you ok? You sound strange." Thank God! Molly...

    "Yes, I'm fine. Just a little tired... What is it?" She didn't seem very convinced, but I didn't give her the chance to doubt my words. "Molly?"

   "Right... Um... I was wondering... Mr Carter said he would see us tomorrow, but tomorrow's sunday. So,..." She hesitated, but I understood what she was trying to say.

   "No, Molly, it's ok. I'll go and see what he wants and if I need you I'll call." I heard her soft sigh and couldn't help but smile. 

   "Thank you, Mrs R! I was supposed to go see my parents tomorrow, but if you wanted me to stay I would've stayed, of course." That reminded me of my parents and my heart broke a little.

   "It's ok, Molly. Go have fun!" She spoke and I could hear her smile.

   "Thank you so much, Mrs R. But you'll call if you need me, right? I mean, I didn't think Mr Carter would be so creepy -or so hot for that matter- and I really hate the idea of you being alone with him even for a few minutes." I could see why she thought he was creepy -or hot for that matter- because honestly, he had scared the shit out of me as well today. "Anyway, Mrs R, I really hope you can handle it. I mean, we need their money like we need air, or we'll crumble to the ground." And again she was right. This was starting to piss me off. "But you must admit he was hot, right Mrs R?" I knew better than that. Lucas wasn't hot, he was on fire. His body seemed more taut and he had a mature expression on his face now. "I think I should hang up. I'm sorry I took up your time, Mrs R. Good luck tomorrow! Oh! And thank you for giving me the day off!"

   "You never work the sundays, so practically I didn't give you anything. Have fun tomorrow, Molly!" And I hang up.

    I heard the front door closing and I hurried downstairs. Nick was just getting rid of his shoes when I got to him. I hugged him tightly feeling somehow guilty for seeing Lucas today.

   "Hey! Is everything ok?" He asked stepping back a little and watching me carefully.

    "Of course everything's ok. Does it have to be something wrong for me to hug you?" He seemed taken aback, but didn't argue with me.

   "Ok... How did it go today?" I wasn't going to tell him about Lucas. I couldn't. Not yet.

   "It was fine. We got the funds." I said, beaming at him.

    "God, Kate! I'm so happy for you!" He said, his smile bigger than mine and picked me up, spinning me around a couple of times. "That's my girl! I knew you could do it." I looked at him and smiled. His feelings were written all over his face. I dropped my head and kissed him slowly and tenderly. He kissed me back passionately and grabbed my ass. I felt something revolting inside of me, but didn't pay attention to it. Nick was my husband. He had been my husband for the past four years. It was the time I gave something back to him.

    We went to the couch and he pushed me down onto it. I tried to unbuckle his belt, but my fingers were numb and I couldn't even grab his buckle. Nick noticed and took care of the buckle himself, reaching for me at the same time. His mouth started going south of my neck and a shiver ran through me. He stopped and pulled back.

   "Kate, what are we doing? You don't want this." He said, panting. "I've told I'm not doing it, unless you want it too. I've told you this four fucking years ago, Kate!" He yelled. "God! You're making me feel like the cheapest man on earth!" He put his head into his hands and shook it a couple of times. I was mortified, unable to move or breathe. "Why?" He asked, refusing to look at me.

   "I feel like I owe it to you, Nick. I'm your wife. I'm falling asleep next to you every night." And the truth in my words was undeniable.  But most of all, I felt like I owed it to him, because that was all I could give him -or not, since he kept refusing me- since my heart belonged to Lucas. I bit my lip waiting for him to say something. I almost wanted him to just continue from where we had left off.

   "You owe it to me..." He said, letting out a harsh, short laugh. "You see? That's the problem. We'll do this when you'll stop feeling like you owe it to me." He stood up and shook his head again.

   "Nick!" I yelled, wanting to feel better about myself. "It's impossible for you not to have needs." He turned his head and I saw a bitter smile on his face.

   "Don't worry about my needs. I'm paying to have them taken care of. I've been paying for the last four years. I'm not gonna stop now." My mouth dropped open and I felt my blood running to my cheecks. He was cheating on me and he wasn't even trying to hide it. I felt ashamed of myself and wanted to crawl under a rock. "Kate, I... I'm sorry! I shouldn't have..." He breathed in deep and turned to look at me. He looked sick and sad and sorry, but I felt worse, I was sure. "Kate, I..." I raised my hand to stop him.

   All I wanted was to make amends and here's where it had gotten me.

   I went upstairs and hurriedly packed some clothes. Nick was right behind me, watching me with his sad, green eyes, while taking his dirty blonde -and a little too long- hair off his face.  

  "What are you doing, Kate? Where are you going?" I didn't answer to him, but mainly because I didn't know the answers to his questions. "Kate, I know I screwed it up. I know! But we are married and shit like this happens to married people. We'll make it work. We'll even go see a therapist. Please, Kate! I know I'm guilty!" God knows I wasn't the one to point the finger, but I was hurt and I needed some space.

   I took my bag and went to the door. Nick was still behind me.

   "Just one question... Where were you today?" He took a sharp breath.

   "Kate..." No need for more... I knew...

   "I'm taking your car." I said and went out.

   Making amends... Never again.