My Love is a Star (BTS Suga Fanfiction)

70. All that matters

Fuck. What the fuck am I doing? I pulled hard on the roots of my hair hoping this could bring me back to sanity. I'm dragging everyone down with me. I hate myself for being like this!

How many times do you have to risk everything for her Yoongi??! All these fucking complications just because of her! All because of her!

I hit my head hard on the mattress.

But I wanted this. I tried walking away twice and it only made me miserable. I don't wanna live the rest of my life in regrets so I have to do this!

It's the last shot I'll ever take to make her mine. And if I can't make that happen, ...

then it's all over. I swear I'll put a stop to this feeling if it's the last thing I do.

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And the clock strikes 6. Still no Rozie. Not even a shadow.

6:05 Still, no one is ringing the doorbell.

6:10 Nada. It's still me and this fucking clock.

6:15 I should be at the airport by now.

6:20 All this ticking is making me furious!

6:25 She's not coming.

No, she is! Ten more minutes. Just have a little more faith. She'll be here any minute now.

My foot has been tapping the floor non-stop. I'm stressed. No. I'm panicking!

I'm all set. My duffel bag is just a grab away. With the help of a friend, her VISA was just one quick fix. A one-way ticket to Seoul? Booked! I took care of everything so it would all run as smoothly as possible. All I need is for her to magically appear in that fucking doorway and we'll leave this place in a flash.

6:35 I'm standing right outside of the door now. My eyes fixed at the elevator, praying to all the gods out there to reveal her to me once those doors open.

6:40 I'm right in front of the freaking elevator! After so much hesitation, I finally managed to press the button.

She has already given you her answer. And it's a NO. You're just foolish enough to believe that she was gonna change her mind.

Every breath seemed to weigh a ton as I try to get a grip of myself when the truth slowly dawned upon me. But as the elevator reached the floor where I was, there's still a little flicker of hope that she'd be right behind these doors. I balled my hands into fists as the doors began to open.

And to no surprise, she isn't there.

My shoulders fell at once. There's no use waiting for someone who has no plan of showing up. I'm such an idiot.

I booked a cab on my way down feeling like the world is on my shoulders.

It's over. It's over. It's over.

I repeated the words in my head just to make me stop myself from thinking otherwise.

I placed the card key of the room at the concierge and dragged myself to the big sliding doors. I could feel a big lump in my throat as I waited in the hotel lobby. I had to forcefully clear my throat three times just to get rid of it but it was no good. My vision began to blur from the fucking tears in my eyes. I had to bite my lip real hard just to stop them from falling. I balled my hand into a fist and placed it on my lips to stop the trembling coupled with quick deep breaths.

I looked up at the evening sky to keep the tears in place. As much as my eyes could see through the haze, it was starless. It was only the moon up there and the plane passing through the dark heavens.