Anxiety • part 2

10 • million

I was almost pacing while I waited at the airport. I've now been living in LA for a little over 2 weeks so it hasn't even been that long since I saw them but I needed to see them.

I needed to know if I was actually starting to get fixed or if the bandaid was just super sticky.

2 weeks in LA and no break downs, no anxiety, no zoning ou and no doubt. Maybe it still felt too much like a holiday to make it real.

Ashton offered to come with me but we both quickly realised it would be better if I went on my own to avoid getting spotted easily. They usually just left me alone when Ashton wasn't around but ofcourse some people still stopped, asked for a picture or made some small chat.

I wanted them to be able to see LA with me this week, not being followed by fans every time we try to go out. They needed to know my life was still somewhat normal and not completely insane.

But with the release of Starving 8 hours ago, it was a bit crazier then I thought it would be. I've been avoiding social media this morning but I had to go online and post today. It's been out for longer in other countries as the US runs behind a bit time wise. I have been too scared to see the reactions. But according to Ashton they are great, doesn't take away the insecurities.

"If you wouldn't be stressing out so much, you would have noticed me waving like an idiot at you." Jackie said and I turned to her voice and a smile came on my face before I hugged her thightly. "I missed you Sammie."

"I missed you too Jackie." I said as I held her. I didn't want to let go, we've been apart longer during my LA trips but now that I see her, I know I'll only see her for a week before she would leave again.

We would leave again too shortly after they're all gone again and disappear for a few weeks. Take time for ourself before the hardest month of the year will be here.

We will spend the week itself in Cambridge but Ashton made sure he didn't plan anything yet in September so he could be there with me.

"Do I still get a hug too?" Mom asked as she stood behind Jackie. I looked at her with a smile over Jackie's shoulder before letting Jackie go and go over to hug her. "I'm happy to see you again Sam, you look great."

"I'm glad you're here." I replied with a smile before taking a step back and looking at her. "Do you want to go to the hotel first or would you like to go to our place immediately? Ashton's family would be there around 10."

"If I can change somewhere at your place, that's fine too. It saved you a trip." Mom said with a smile.

"They got 4 bedrooms, I'm sure you can change there. I just want to go see Lauren, Piper and Ashton so I'm fine with going there straight away." Jackie said with a big smile.

"One is no longer a bedroom." I said with a small laugh. "We removed the bed from one room for Ashton's drums and my piano once we figure out how to move it here. It will be our work space / writing room."

"That's so cool." Jackie said excited, I put my arm over her shoulder and held her bag in my other hand while we walked to the parking lot. "So how insane is your life becoming?"

"It's still hard to understand what's happening. I mean, I was driving up here and then my name came up on the radio and they played the song and talked about me for a good 2 minutes. I had to pull over because I had no clue what was happening." I said with a chuckle and I still didn't understand it.

"I heard it's already rising in the charts and the comments about it are very good, I'm pretty sure you haven't checked it yet but they're good, I haven't seen anything bad come up yet."