Anxiety • part 2

4 • boxes

It shouldn't have felt that way but I felt relieved when I left Cambridge the next morning. I would still see them the day before we leave but I was relieved to be out of there.

It was crazy to think I would be living in LA next week. My appartment already had already been brought back on the market and social media went crazy about that. John got so many requests to see the place and to rent it just because I lived there for two years.

And ofcourse the pictures used for the add were taken with my stuff in it. So now everyone knew about my crazy venyl collection.

"John gave us the okay to gather all the boxes in the hallway downstairs. As long as he can still go through the door it was okay." I said as we took the boxes from Cambridge out of the rental car. We had already dropped off my guitars so they would get in LA safely and now we just had to get all of my stuff in boxes.

My car had already been sold last week so it has been an interesting week of getting around.

"That should give us enough of space. You just have to make sure you put the necessary things in a suitcase because the boxes will take longer to arrive." He replied with a smile. He waited untill I had put my box down to pull me closer to him by wrapping his arms around my waist. "Did you know it's officially been a year now since I put that one post online?"

"Is it already?" I asked him and he nodded. I remembered it ofcourse but I wanted him to feel good that he remembered it. Because he sucks at remembering things.

"So in a few days, it's been 18 months since our first date."

"Yeah and in a few days you'll be turning 26 grandpa." I said with a laugh and he let out a chuckle too.

"I can't be a grandpa without having kids first." He said with a grin and I got silent now.

"I'm going to need more time for that. I know you want to be a daddy badly but we're just 26, I'm about to start my own carreer and you will be touring again in a year."

"And you can't have kids so we are actually able to plan this the way we want." He said with a smile as he looked down at me. I don't think we've ever had a conversation about this longer than a few sentences.

"About that." I said softly and he looked at me confused. "As I wanted this to be done by the doctors that treated me in the beginning too, I underwent a few tests a month ago. I did a genetic test to see if I had anymore cancer genes and to figure out if I would have kids pass it to my kids if I had them." I said and Ashton looked impatient and wanted to know even more than I did. "Both tests came back negative, so no more genetic decided cancers and it will be hard as hell and I'd have to undergo fertility treatment but if I don't wait 5 years with it, I might even be able to have kids the normal way. So from now on, the excuse that I can't have kids anyway, is no longer valid when you don't have a condom."

He hugged me thightly when I said my last words and he was so happy that it made him smile. I knew he struggled with the fact the chance would be big he wouldn't be able to have his own kids, which he wanted badly. He was so excited about it but it stessed me out "If you had the tests a month ago, why am I only hearing this now?"

"Because I wanted to see your face when I told you. I needed to see you were happy with it because it freaks me out. Now that I see how excited it makes you, I feel a little relieved." I said honestly and he kissed my forehead before looking at me with a smile.

"Now is not the time yet but one day you will be a great mother, the past won't repeat itself and we will figure it out when the time is right. But I won't pressure you into anything that you don't feel comfortable with." I nodded and he looked at me with such excitement. "I'm just happy that you are fully cancer free now, that's all I care about. You will be okay."