Imagines • Calum Hood

Ghost of You

—It's who? What happened, Mali? -anxiety starts to kick in-

—Calum, he got in a car crash, it's like all over Twitter but it was some sort of rumor, I supposed he was home with you since it's his free day but... Oh god

My hands and my legs were shaking, Duke was all over me trying to sooth me, he just senses whenever I'm feeling down and today wasn't the exception

—Where was it? -I ask standing up, my voice was shaking too-

—I don't know! I don't know! -she almost shouted even more desperate- I need you to go find him! Oh god, oh god

I walk towards Calum and I's room to grab my car keys, I don't know where I was heading to, how I was supposed to drive like this but there's something I knew for sure, I wasn't going to stay here waiting for Calum to arrive, I needed to find him just to make sure it was just a stupid rumor, after all, Twitter always kills people, right?

And I chase it down with a shot of truth

It was him. It. Was. Him.
I was called by Ashton, his mom's a nurse here and she knows other nurses, those nurses know her son is in a band and they also recognize all band members, that's how we found Calum. At first I was told he got in a car crash but it wasn't that bad, he was just injured and that's all, but by the time I got to the hospital, the doctors were ignoring me and so were the nurses, when the guys arrived, they tried to calm me down but it didn't worked, thirty minutes later my mom and Joy showed up, Joy was even worse than I was, I didn't wanted to go near her and I knew for a fact she didn't wanted to come near me, we were this horrible anxious, crying mess. Ashton was holding me, rubbing my back trying to sooth me but it wouldn't work, if it wasn't that bad why the wouldn't let us see him? Why they wouldn't at least tell us what happened? No, they were just ignoring us.

A doctor approached Joy, I run to hear him and that's when my world crumbled apart.

"We did everything we could but he couldn't make it. We are sorry, but Calum is dead." That phrase I'll never forget. it confirmed me that my baby was gone. How am I going to move on? How am I going to survive? I can't just continue my life pretending I'm gonna be okay because I know I'm not, I'm used to Calum, I'm used to go home and find him, I'm used to sleep on his chest, I love him, I can't let him go

—This is all my fault -I think out loud without even realizing. I wasn't crying anymore, I was in shock, I was trying to process everything... Is he really gone?-

—Don't say that, this is no one's fault -Ashton says, tears rolling down his eyes-

Luke and Michael are here, not even knowing what to say but I couldn't blame them. I could see from far away flashes and cameras, are they serious right now? I run to them and starting screaming my lungs out, telling them to fuck off & to get the hell out of here, Luke drags me back to them by pulling me from my arms, that's when I started to cry. My mom is with Joy & David, Mali wasn't even in the US, I walk to them crying.

—I'm so, so sorry -I whimper- this is my fault! This is all my fault! I took your son away from you

—This is no one's fault, don't put the blame on you, I know this is hard but don't make it harder -David says-

But they needed to know the truth, it didn't matter anymore if they hated me for it; they needed to know the truth

—Calum died because of me, it's my fault -I say again, sobbing-