Safe Haven. (JJP FF)

xviii: true feelings

"Here. I think you'll fit in this." Jaebum says, handing one of Jackson's long sleeved blue sweaters.

He wears it on in the washroom and Jaebum takes care of his wet hoodie. He might even keep it in exchange for his denim jacket.

When Jinyoung is seated again, Mark is the one to talk.

"Jinyoung..."

"Yes?"

"Have you had suicidal thoughts lately?" Mark politely questions.

Jaebum snakes his hand around Jinyoung's waist in a way to reassure him that it's fine, he comes closer and Jaebum's scent relaxes his rigid body.

"N-No... I didn't."

Mark heaved a sigh of relief and proudly looks at Jinyoung.

"I'm glad you didn't. I'm really proud of you." Mark says. "But what about the scars on your left wrist?"

Jinyoung is astonished by the choice of questions Mark asks but he's been wanting to say things like this for a long time.

He's been wanting to remove himself of all the memories. One first and maybe, one last time. He'll say it.

"This was two years ago... I cut a bit too deep and... I almost lost my life." He says almost as if it doesn't matter. Of course it doesn't.

Mark and Jaebum look baffled but Jaebum secretly asks Mark to leave them, having an inkling that Jinyoung wouldn't want to say exactly why he wanted to die.

"Jinyoungie" Jaebum calls with that sweet voice.

Jinyoung looks at him and feels the tension in the air. "Yeah?"

Jaebum holds Jinyoung's wrist softly. "Why did you want to-"

"-Because I'm gay. And my parents left me because of that reason." Jinyoung finishes.

Jaebum is more astonished to the fact that his parents would leave him just because he's gay. But he thinks about his own parents. Wouldn't they do that exact same thing? Or maybe even put him on medication. Or hormonal therapy. He shudders at the thought. Neither options work.

"I'm so sorry. I feel my parents would do that same thing. It's not my place to say it but... You're not alone." Jaebum says.

"There's nothing to be sorry for... You helped me to a great extent. I'm indebted to you.." Jinyoung says, embarrassed that he couldn't do anything for Jaebum.

"Why do you help me so much?" Jinyoung asks.

"Because I want to protect you." Jaebum says, enunciating all words and looking to Jinyoung.

He's taking in the sight of Jinyoung and printing it onto his memory. His black hair, his wrinkly eyes, his dry chapped lips. Even when tired, Jinyoung just looked very handsome to Jaebum's eyes.

"I like you very much Jinyoung." Jaebum says after a moment.

Jinyoung's cheeks turn to an immense shade of pink and red and so do his ears.

"Do you like me back?" Jaebum hesitantly asks wanting to hear the same answer Jinyoung had said that same day.

Jinyoung breathes in and he feels his heart pumping more blood, he feels his heart thaw and become more and more red, more bright and alive; this just might be love. He doesn't want a boyfriend, but he gave in for Jaebum's longing stare.

"Yes. I do.." Jinyoung looks up and the moment he does, he's met by the euphoric face of Jaebum.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

.

They reach Jinyoung's aunt's house, Jinyoung pleads Jackson and Jaebum not to say anything about what happened that day, giving the reason that his aunt is getting married.

Jaebum pecks Jinyoung's lips and Jackson whispers a "Wang Gae Park Gae" to Jinyoung. Jinyoung repeats the phrase and Jackson looks delighted.

They ring the bell and his aunt immediately opens the door, understanding why Jinyoung sometimes would come late, but she was delighted at the sight of two more boys behind him.

"Pepi! Are these young boys your friends?" She says, looking behind Jinyoung's shoulder.

"Yes, aunt. I.. slipped on a puddle and hurt my jaw... So Jackson and Jaebum helped me." Jinyoung says.
Jaebum and Jackson both know it's not true; they play along but nonetheless are delighted to meet Jinyoung's aunt.

"Mam, we'll take your leave..." Jackson says.

"Ah! Then wait here for a minute, I'll get you something." She sped to the kitchen and brought two large boxes filled with kimchi and gimbap.

"This is for you both, as a thank you gift from me." She smiles. "It's not really something very nice, but Jinyoung always compliments these dishes." She says.

But to Jaebum and Jackson, it was pure treasure. Jaebum's mom usually brought greasy food from restaurants and hotels and Jackson was used to instant ramen.

Both the boys bowed gratefully to her and they left with bright smiles, waving back at Jinyoung.

"Those are really wonderful friends. Jinyoung." She says. "I'm happy for you."

Jinyoung heads back in but he's stopped by his aunt again,

"Say, is the handsome boy with the black hair your boyfriend by any chance?" She asks. "You guys stare into each other's eyes like it's the only thing you want to see."

Jinyoung's cheeks heat up and he stutters a small 'yes'. But he's surprised at the calculation of his aunt. How in the world is she so accurate?

His aunt gives a small squeal of victory, and tells him she'll be back and that he can invite those lovely boys again. Jinyoung nods and heads back to his bed.

He checks his bag and sees that Jaebum's denim jacket is there; with a pink sticky note that says 'keep it.' with a smiley face on it.

He is surprised but he keeps his lips in a straight line, but the ends of the lips bend just a little, showing a not so noticeable shy and timid smile.

He decides to take off Jackson's sweater, and wears another t-shirt, with Jaebum's jacket this time. And he feels secure.