Safe Haven. (JJP FF)

iv: new friends and nightmares

Jinyoung just wanted freedom. He didn't want to have to deal with his head anymore. He didn't want to have to deal with anything that hurt him anymore. And that's why he works. More than the limit.

Jinyoung is well aware the deadline is 3 weeks later, but he finished his project today, along with the printouts and theory.

He heard the clicks of his aunt's heels. It always reminded him of his mom's flats. Even if they weren't heels, they made that sound that jingled up the memory of Jinyoung's mom.

And it made Jinyoung's eyes water with hopelessness. It was too hard, maybe impossible, to let go of the regret that held him tight.

"Jinyoung! I'm home!"

.

"Jaebum! Your dad's home!"

Jaebum came down at high speed the moment his mom said that. He couldn't risk his dad being aggravated. He had worn a flannel, and removed his piercings, because that was something his parents were unbeknownst to.

His younger sister, Yoon only 5 years old came down and just quietly sat on the table, fearful of her father. Jaebum wished she didn't have to experience the same childhood as him. He has zero idea about her social life in school.

He wanted to help her get out of her shell. To be happy. Or else he'd consider himself a failure of a brother.

After a few minutes, they all sat down for dinner.

"How was the first day of school son?"

"It was fine."

"I'm hoping for more than fine Jaebum, you should submit your name for Class President."

"Yes father."

"And I don't want you to have to do anything with dancing or music or anything in that section."

Suddenly Jaebum paid more attention towards what his father just articulated. He couldn't just tell him to do that. Music and dancing were one of the things that kept Jaebum happy and going.

It was like a drug to him. But instead, much much better. He's saved his monthly allowances just to buy a microphone for his songs.

"Dad, you can't-"

"Stop saying bullcrap like that Jaebum." His dad interrupted.

"Dad it's not bu-"

"There is no future for you in music, Jaebum. Why don't you do something else?"

Jaebum, who kept the erupting anger within him, didn't dare say anything acknowledging his sister's presence.

"I've lost my appetite."

"Jaebum" his mom interrupted. "It's not good to leave without letting others finish. Sit down."

Jaebum just sat down with disinterest and frustration. His mom wasn't even bothered about his appetite. How could she even be? His parents are both the same. They just want Jaebum to skyrocket. To be faultless. And if things didn't follow that path, they knew how to gear him.

And it was sickening for Jaebum. How he always fell into those traps.

.

Jinyoung woke up with his heart constricting. Beating rapidly. Too much for him to bear all at once. The beads of sweat lightly dampened his shirt and he felt his nose running with snot. His breathing was shortened, as he grasped the cloth on his chest very tightly.

Jinyoung felt sick to the stomach and sped for the bathroom and puked out last night's chicken pasta. His throat burned, and no matter how much water he gulped down, the rawness still remained.

It was that same old nightmare.

The one that made Jinyoung want to take a rough, shattered shard of glass, the ones that make your hand bleed, and just stab his heart with strong force. Enough to kill him.

He imagined his parents' disappointed faces and right after that, their faces were stained with huge amounts of red. No matter how many times Jinyoung reached out, he never was able to grasp their wrists. It was like the dream was teasing him. About how he was good enough to reach it, but that small little word 'gay' just pulled them out of his reach.

He couldn't concentrate on anything as his body trembled, with colder sweat dampening his shirt even further while his hands held onto the the toilet. He finally grabbed on to the basin sink, and rummaged his sink closet, for the rectangular sharp metal. And when he found them, he slit.

The red line's ache brought him back to reality, and he couldn't stop slicing through his delicate, bony skin only adding more to the cluster of scars. He only went back to his bed to get some rest. Not sleep.

.

"What?!" Jackson yelled closing his locker not quite gently.

"Yeah."

"How could they forbid you from music and dance man?! That's like taking away your heart and expecting you to live!" Jackson said furiously.

"I can't even comprehend why he'd do shit like this to me. What the hell have I done?" Jaebum said leaning against the lockers in a stressed manner.

"Not to offend you, but your dad's an ass."

"A very big one at that." Jaebum chuckled.

When they were walking Jaebum felt thousands of pairs of eyes looking at him and Jackson. It gave him anxiety that they'd calculate each and every move of his. He didn't like it.

"Hey BamBam!"

Jaebum looked to where Jackson was waving and saw a guy with very long and thin legs and a pencil like figure. Beside the BamBam guy he spotted Jinyoung.

Well, he could've been Jinyoung, but he wasn't sure since his head was low. BamBam headed towards the duo and high fived Jackson.

"BamBam, this is JB, and JB, this is BamBam!"

"Nice to meet you" BamBam said with a smile. He's always willing to be nice to anyone who is nice to him, and could be cocky as hell to anyone that messed with him.

"Hey." Jaebum replied.

"So, you're the other hot guy the school's been talking about?"

"I'm the hot guy?" Jaebum questioned

"Yeah man, like every girl is drooling over you. Heck if I were a girl I'd drool too."

"Yeah... No thanks. I'd rather not." Jaebum said.

BamBam gleamed at his comment. He'd probably have friends as straight as a cricle. He had a strong gaydar.

"Bros before hoes huh?"

"Yeap. You're one of our bros too now"

"It's an honour man."