MCSM Oneshots (LGBTQ+ Ships)

Again.? (Jesskas)

(Holy shit it's been so long.)
Remember, this deals with suicidal themes, not good if you are sensitive.

Sorry, if this is too short, it's been so long since I've written a MCSM fic. Whoa.

Final warning. ⚠️

Why couldn't he sleep?

Lukas paced around his room, nervously biting his knuckle as he walked around.

Why? So many unanswered questions, it was starting to get irritating. He was tired again, and the feeling was eating him up inside.

His phone chimed, making the blonde haired boy stop misstep and walk over to his bed. He picked up the phone and looked at the message. A message from Jesse. His boyfriend.

No.. he wanted to wallow in self pity right now.. Lukas put down the phone in a drawer and took out a penknife in exchange.

He studied the blade, passing it from his left to his right hand, weighing the possibilities.

He needed to find a solution to stop the pressure in his mind. Lukas took a deep breath. This was the norm, wasn't it. It seemed like every month, this started.

It starts with insomnia.

Then paranoia.

Then the voices.

The the doubt.

And the pity.

And halfway in between would be the attempts. Lukas threw down the penknife, casting it aside. Jesse told him to stop this. To snap out of this cycle.

But what the other boy didn't understand was how difficult it was.

The blonde sighed, bending down and picking up the knife.

Fine. If he didn't cut. He might as well do something else. Where's the fun in that? He reached up to take a bit of his hair and swiftly cut it off, with the blade. He made sure it wasn't noticeable.. since he didn't want questions.

Lukas looked at himself in the mirror, seeing a boy holding a penknife and dark blue eyes. "..."

Sliding his thumb, he opened the knife a little more and raised to it his arms. Stop it. Stop. He gritted his teeth and sliced his skin, hearing the sound of skin against metal.

Blood didn't form. Not yet. But as Lukas watched his arm, a thin line of red started to appear, followed by droplets of blood. "..."

Slowly but surely, the skin around the wound started to turn red, and blood started to trail down his arm. Lukas numbly rolled up his sleeves and cut his shoulders with the penknife.

He took a shaky breath, extending the blade and poising the knife to cut his thighs.

"Lukas!"

The blond haired boy turned, surprised to hear Jesse's voice. "Open the door! It's been an hour!"

Lukas blinked, looking down at his hands and sighing. This was.. pretty weak. Whatever. He tiredly grabbed some tissues and pressed them against his wounds.

Another knock on the door made him hurry up a little. He definitely didn't want Jesse to find out what was he doing..

A click made Lukas look up, surprised. Of course he had forgotten to lock the door.

"..." Jesse stared at Lukas for a minute or two, the two boys regarding each other silently. There was so much tension in the room, Lukas wasn't sure how to react.

The blond boy instinctively braced himself for Jesse's angry questioning, ready to get shouted at. "..." Jesse stepped forward and Lukas flinched.

But nothing hit him. A hand reached out and took his, "... Why?"

The trusting green eyes stared into the blue, almost pleading for an answer.

Lukas sighed, holding his swollen bleeding arms his his chest. "Can't sleep."

Jesse silently hugged Lukas, gently taking the penknife away from the blond. "I love you, okay?" Jesse sighed, giving Lukas a good look in the eyes to show he was sincere.

"Talk to me."

Lukas didn't cry. He didn't feel anything except for the pain in his arms and shoulders. "..."

Jesse slowly reached down and took Lukas's hands, turning around and heading to the bathroom to get some medical supplies.

Lukas sat on a chair as Jesse went around, collecting bandages and gauzes. "Hey," Jesse placed a hand against the blue eyes boy's warm cheek, "Don't look at me like that. You're going to be okay."

With that, Jesse silently got some water and cleaned Lukas's wounds, his love for Lukas overriding the fact that his boyfriend had purposely hurt himself.

"I'm sorry.."

Jesse looked up when he heard the whisper from the blond boy. "I just..." he sighed, "Can't control myself."

The brunette nodded, wrapping bandages around Lukas's legs, cleaning the stray flecks of blood and running his hand across some pale scars the other boy had on his arm. The was not Lukas's worst case yet...

Lukas.. was a masochist. He purposely hurt himself just to feel better. At least, that was what Lukas had explained to him while in his better moods.

Ever since Lukas had admitted to Jesse about his patterns, the brunette had taken steps to take care of the blonde. He let Lukas have freedom, but also made sure he was alright- but Jesse couldn't help but feel like he failed this time around.

"Don't blame yourself." Lukas muttered as soon as Jesse straightened up. "I'm not worth your time."

But Jesse didn't care. As long as he took care of the boy he knows and love..

He gently kissed Lukas, feeling the boy relax. He was going to be fine. "You're going to be alright, Lukas." Jesse held back his tears.

Lukas nodded, holding Jesse's hands in his own and closing his eyes. Jesse felt him relax entirely and fall asleep, resting his head against the other boy.

"... I'll still love you," Jesse ran a hand through Lukas's hair, "No matter what."

-End