MCSM Oneshots (LGBTQ+ Ships)

Group Circles

Aiden's PoV

He couldn't breathe... Aiden swallowed nervously, feeling that pain in his throat as the person beside him finished talking. Finally, It was his turn... but.. he stared off into the corner of the room, feeling his hands shaking slightly.

He hated all this... hated it. "Come on Aiden..." his friend, Petra, said quietly, taking his hand. "You can talk about this. All of us already shared what's on our minds." she smiled. But to Aiden... this was just torture. He couldn't form the words. He knew what he wanted to say... he could hear them in his mind. But...

He swallowed again, his throat dry. He couldn't speak. "We can wait... okay?" his other friend, Lukas said. He was sitting on the floor, his blue eyes on Aiden. Even though they were his friends... he felt nervous. They didn't know this side of him.

Aiden looked down at his arms, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. It was too much. The pressure... he narrowed his eyes, hoping his tears wouldn't trail down his cheeks. He wanted to say what's on his mind. But he couldn't. They wouldn't understand...

Petra, Lukas, Jesse and Aiden were in a room, with a teacher in front of them. All four had been caught cutting... but for various reasons.

Petra had an actual disorder... she only felt her happiest when she cut.

Jesse had family problems.

Lukas was tempted.

But Aiden? He couldn't describe what he was feeling... he wanted to end his life. End it all. With so much seriousness. He wanted to stand up, take out his penknife and just cut. Right there and then. In front of his friends and his teacher. He wanted to stab himself. So badly.

Aiden closed his eyes, feeling his face burn and his head throb.

"Don't hold it back, Aiden." Petra said soothingly. They wouldn't understand

Why couldn't they understand that he didn't want to speak? Why? "I-It's just..." Aiden murmured, "I'm tired. Of everything.."

He saw everyone exchange looks. They were judging him. "What do you mean?" his teacher asked, leaning forward a little.

Aiden shook his head, holding his hands together tightly to keep them from shaking. They couldn't see this side of him. The insanity. "I.. I cant speak. I cant understand. I cant understand myself.." he blinked away his tears, not making eye contact with anyone.

There was a silence as everyone processed what he meant. "You mean, you're tired of everything? Your schoolwork? Your family? Your friends?" Lukas asked.

"Everything.." Aiden bit his tongue, holding back his words. Their teacher sat back, "This is what happens when you bottle up everything inside you. You don't let it out or say anything... you've been keeping this inside." she said gently.

Aiden nodded, his nails digging into his skin and leaving red marks. Why couldn't they understand it was more than that? The description was close enough... but why did he feel like killing himself? Why did he feel like he had no air?

Their teacher talked, trying to offer her advice. Aiden only looked at his arms when he realised that they were red and raw, from him scratching himself. This was only the tip of the iceberg...

He didn't say anything about his insomnia.

He didn't say anything about his eating disorder.

He didn't say anything about his crush.

He didn't say anything about the pressure in his heart.

He didn't say anything about his haters.

He's already stopped living.

"Aiden?" He looked up at his teacher, who smiled back at him. "Is there anything else you want to say?"

I actually like boys. I have a crush on one of my internet friends. I cant sleep. I cant eat. I have a pain in my head.. please. just help... show me you care enough. show me you wouldn't judge me... tell me you'd stop me if you found me trying to kill my self.

show me you care.

"No... it's fine. I-I'm holding you guys back, right?" he tried for a smile. Lukas and the others looked a little relieved. "Okay.. well, you know who to look for if you need help." their teacher stood up.

The rest of them did the same, and Aiden immediately made his way to the bathroom to wash his face. "I didn't even say all of my problems yet." Jesse said sadly. "Me too... I didn't want to say anything." Lukas said.

Aiden walked in front of all three of his friends, alone.

"Did you say everything?" Lukas's voice said from beside him.

No. "Yeah, that's all." Aiden nodded, smiling. But Lukas looked at him. "You didn't tell me anything... I thought I was your friend." he sighed.

"You are my friend... I just don't want to burden you." Aiden smiled a little as Lukas nodded.

"You can tell me anything. Okay?" Lukas smiled.

Aiden nodded. But not everything.

-End