I Wont Let You Go

18.

-Next Morning (Monday)-

We spoke over breakfast at her house and let me tell you.. that conversation was lonnnnggg and emotional on both parts. Lately that's all Ive been. Emotional.

When we got back to her house, I saw Theo's car so I decided to come in for a second to say hi to my boyfriend. Its so weird to even say that word.. Its even weirder to think that my first boyfriend is a guy that has literally known me since I was born. Someone I used to run around in diapers with.

Someone who knows me so well.. Maybe that's why I'm so comfortable with him. We've grown up together, we know what we're each like. And we actually have a lot of things in common.

When we walked in, Theo was in the living room and Jake was coming down the stairs but stopped as he saw me...

"Hey!" Theo came over and hugged me as he kissed my head.

Its also weird that a male is showing this kind of affection to me when I've never experienced this type in my life. Its actually overwhelming at times.

"Hey. I just wanted to say a quick hi before I get home."

"Why don't you have dinner here?" He asked. Imagine. Dinner would be so awkward. "Can't. Dad and I are making dinner tonight."

"I should get going actually. We're gonna go grocery shopping too." I added. "Thank you Alice. Love you." I hugged her. "Let me walk you out." Theo offered and I smiled.

I really can't get used to him being my boyfriend. Boyfriend. Never thought I'd say that... especially about Theo. Its a good awkward feeling. I don't know I can't explain it.

I leaned on my car as he held my waist. "Wow. You're my girlfriend." He smiled. "Excuse me, you're what?"

"My girlfriend."

"Sorry couldn't hear you. One more time?"

"My. Girlfriend. Mine." I blushed as he pecked my lips.

"Wonder what everyone's gonna think."

"You shouldn't care. Now I'll see you tomorrow. Drive safe, text me when you get home." I smiled. "Okay."

He kissed me and just like the first kiss we ever had, it made my heart skip a beat but race all at the same time. It made my stomach turn into a knot yet churn. But most importantly, it made me happy. "Okay, bye."

"Bye beautiful." And there goes my face, a bright shade of red.

--

Someone knocked on my bedroom door and I smiled as I thought it was Theo. "Come in!" The door opened and my smile dropped.. "Jake..."

"Can we talk?" I nodded without saying a word. I walked over to my balcony and took a seat on a chair and he did the same.

"How are you feeling?" Came out of his mouth. "Great and shitty at the same time." Came out of mine. "Why is that?"

"Well for starters, my new best friend doesn't know a quarter of what my old one knew. It's not the same telling her things..." He turned to face me but I stayed looking at my tree. "You've replaced me?" That broke my heart and a tear fell out as I shook my head no. "No Jakob. I never replaced you. You walked out of my life." I turned to look at him.

He choked as he cried too. "That's my brother Lia.." He spoke calmly. "You think that all my life I wanted to fall for him Jake? Do you think these past 17 years, everyday, I was like 'hmm Theo's gonna be my boyfriend one day'? No. Ever since he came back from football camp we just grew closer. He distanced himself from you and I years ago. I missed his friendship but as we continued to hang out we both developed feelings, Jakob."

Yes I had a crush on him, yes he's attractive but I always knew nothing would ever happen.

"I didn't wake up that day thinking I was gonna go make out with him. He kissed me when you walked in. I never expected it to happen. I didn't even know he liked me until that night. And that's when I realized that I really liked him too." And that's the truth. I thought Theo was being nice to me to be nice, I would have never thought he would have taken an interest in me.

"I hate where our friendship ended because you're the closest thing I have to an actual sibling. But I don't regret any of my actions. For so long Ive always put everyone before me. Everyone's happiness before mine. When I finally put myself first, look what happened to me. I lost you." I cried even more. All the tears Ive shed in the past month should be enough to take California out of the drought.

"I don't regret dating Theo but I hate how you and I ended. What hurt me the most Jakob, the most, is that you lied to me. To my face. Over dating someone. Lexi is your first girlfriend.. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and I was happy for you until you lied to me about that relationship. Do you know how I felt Jakob? You lied to me. You've never lied to me. And over something like a relationship... It just doesn't make sense." And it really doesn't.

"I'm sorry.. I just I honestly don't know why I didn't tell you. There are no excuses. There aren't. I'm so sorry. It hurt me just at the sight of your face change."

I stayed quiet... "Do you really like him?" He asked me when we both finally stopped crying. "I do. I really do. And I'm sorry if it hurts you to hear me say but its honestly never been my intention to get with him. I never in a million years thought I would end up with him of all people."

"If I didn't walk in on you guys, would you have told me?" He looked at me.

"In a heart beat."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'd rather have you hate me for knowing the truth when it happened, than have you hate me if I didn't tell you. Whether it was Theo who kissed me or someone else. You'd be the first to know, in a heart beat." He sighed. "But clearly you couldn't do the same.."

"Lia... I'm sorry... this is gonna take some time to get used to... but I love you. So much. And I don't want anything to get inbetween us. You're my sister dude."

So we spoke and he went home on good terms. I just feel great having my best friend back.