Picking Up The Pieces (Last book to 'Keeping Secrets' and 'Broken')

Chapter 18.

"Mommy!"

My eyes quickly shoot open, looking around the room for a child, only to remember that she's not here. I sigh, swallowing the lump in my throat. Every little thing I did revolved around her, and it gets harder everyday. I would be shopping for groceries and then start thinking about what kinds of food she would like. I would be buying a new outfit and then start thinking about how cute she would have looked in that pink tutu my parents bought. She probably would love all of the things that I hated, and vise versa. She had Norms eyes and nose. If she were here now, she's probably have everything of his.

I find myself wishing I would have never went to that club, wishing I would have stayed home like I should have, wishing I would have never even met him. But that's wrong of me. Life is like a puzzle, you place unknown pieces to the side, then you bring them into play when you think you've found where it goes. Sometimes it's the right one, sometimes you just have to try again.

The house is oddly quiet, which means Jamie has left. He's great, really. Lovely in every way, and I find him even more lovely knowing that he only has a physical connection to me. You wouldn't know that from looking on the outside in, he acts like a boyfriend, we act like a couple, but we're so far from it. Just friends with benefits, he keeps me company, and I give him a place to stay. He's helped me through a lot, especially since Norman wasn't there. I didn't see him for weeks after it happened, probably even months. I didn't really keep track of time.

My phone buzzes from the nightstand. I groan, knowing exactly who it is at this hour. I know exactly what he's done, what he wants, how he wants it. I'm such a fool for that man.

'I've done it again.. I need you, Danielle..'

Norman went overboard. I knew when everything was going down, he would crash right with it. I've never seen him the ways I see him now. He's destroyed, there's no hope at all for him anymore. I use to think that there was hope, and I had faith that there was hope, but that's all over and done with. The drugs, the drinking, the women, the money, those things will always be apart of him. You can try and try to take them away, but they'll always come back.

'I'll be there soon. I love you, Norm..'

All he really needed was the assurance that I would be there when he woke up, all he needed was for me to tell him I loved him, for me to tell him that I wanted to start over and that I wanted to try and start a family again, but the truth of the matter is those people that wanted those things are dead and gone.

*

The house was darker than usual, the heaviness of the things that went on here haunt me with every step I take. Knowing that he can live here in this, in the memories of everything, makes my skin crawl. The couch has been removed from in front of the bay window, but that doesn't make things any easier. I left this place for a reason, but I always seem to find my way back.

"Danielle.." I turn around quickly, seeing a black silhouette sitting in the corner. I've gotten used to him being intoxicated, there's rarely a day that he's not.

"I'll get you some water." All he really needs is to sober up, drink some water, take a shower, spill his heart out to me like he does every time. He just needs me to love him for a little while longer.

I hear him shuffle behind me, he groans and I look over my shoulder, seeing that he's found his way to his feet. "I'm sorry, Danielle." He leans over the bar, watching my every move like a child.

"It's okay, Norm." I reply honestly. If I didn't have him, if I didn't have to do these kinds of things, my life would be boring.

He shakes his head and sniffles. "No I mean.. I mean I'm sorry for not being there for you after she.. after she died.." He makes his way slowly around the bar, filling in the small kitchen space even more.

"It's not anyone's fault, you know that. Things happen, some are good, some are bad, and some are for the best." I turn around, handing him his cup. "Please, drink all of it." He nods and I remove from his overbearing stare. "This may make me sound like a complete asshole, like a bitch who doesn't give two fucks, but I'm glad that she's not here with us. Look what we've become, we couldn't raise a child, you barely raised your own."

"I tried, Danielle." He protests. "I tried and I tried, but Mingus hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, he just doesn't want to put himself in the kind of situation where he's around drugs and alcohol all of the time. He loves you, Norman, you're his father, and if you were to try and change and try to be a better person, he might want something to do with you. But we all know that you can't change. You can't and you won't." I hate doing this to him. Especially in this state, but he needs to hear it.

"We could raise a child, we would be a team." My heart breaks at how sincere his words are. "Please, baby, give us one last chance, we can make this work."

"No, Norman, we can't." I squeeze my eyes shut, holding back the tears the are trying to hit the floor. "I'm not bringing a child into this world, I'm not giving us another chance, I'm just not doing it." I want to give us another try, God do I want to, but we both know we're just going to end up broken.

"I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on you.." He smirks, plopping down onto the floor. "God, you were so gorgeous, so innocent, I needed you.. I was in love with you way before I even knew you." His words make me smile, I laugh quietly to myself at the memories from that night. "I looked super badass smoking that cigarette though, didn't I?" He nudges my shoulder with his and I laugh.

"That night at my house, when my parents weren't home and you stayed for pizza, that night was probably my favorite. I didn't know anything about you, but yet, I was so in love with you." The more I talk about the past, the more I have to stop myself from crawling on my knees to him and begging him to forgive me for anything I've ever done wrong.

He past the floor next to me, asking me to sit with him. "Please?" I nod, taking the spot next to him. He lefts me up, pulling me into his lap. "I love you, Danielle. Whatever happens, please know that." I frown and tuck my head into his neck.

"I love you, too, Norm."