Picking Up The Pieces (Last book to 'Keeping Secrets' and 'Broken')

Chapter 17.

8 Months Later

His eyes squeezed shut, his mouth had fallen slightly agape. My name fell from his lips so many times, I had lost count. I laid there silently, tangle up in between the silky sheets, not allowing myself to give in to his touch, not allowing myself to fall back into what I was.

"Danielle.." And that was my cue to let him finish.

"I'm close, Norman.." I lied, praying silently in my head that he would just be done already. He pushed himself further into my body, once, twice, three times. He sighed, pulling out and taking up the empty space beside me. His lips quickly attacked my neck, mostly out of habit now.

"How was that?"

After sex was the only time we seemed to talk. A 'how was it?' or a 'was it okay on your end?'.

I replied with a short answer, an answer I'd given many times before. "Fine." I said softly. He kissed my shoulder and I felt him nod his head. My phone buzzed from the bedside table, making his whole demeanor change. I could practically hear him breaking with every breath he took.

"Who's that?" He didn't have to ask, he knew exactly who it was. Who it's been every other time it's happened.

I rolled over, grabbing the phone and checking the message.

'Are you with him? Make sure you tell him all about the ways I fuck you senseless, god knows I do it better anyways. I miss you, come home shortly?

Thinking of you...

Jamie. x'

"No one." I replied with a short answer. I heard him huff and pull me closer. I felt a kick in the pit of my stomach, probably from the fact that I was trying my hardest to act like I couldn't care any less. "I think I should be going." I whispered barely audible. "I'll call you later or something.." He rolled over, facing his back to me. He replies with a short 'mhm', knowing that I wasn't going to call. Neither one of us made an effort anymore, unless sex was involved.

"I do love you, Danielle." He keeps his back facing me, which I'm somewhat happy for. I don't think I'd be able to look at him, knowing that he's just as broken as I am.

I reply with a simple answer, because that's really all it takes. "I know you do, but things have changed."

"I know." He whispers.

The silence takes over again, and I know that's my cue to leave. I mentally stab myself in the heart for leaving him like this again. 'Hes a good fuck, that's all.' But everyone knows that's not it at all. He's the only one who can touch me in all the right places, the only one who can make me so happy that it makes me sick, the only one who can break me with one word.

I quickly dress, taking as long as I possibly can. I fight myself, trying not to crawl back in bed with him, trying not to wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything is okay and that I love him, trying not to fall apart in his embrace.

I grab my phone and keys from the bedside table, my eyes catching a glimpse of a picture frame that had fallen behind the stand. I slowly picked it up, knowing that I was going to regret it as soon as I did.

My hand quickly covers my mouth, holding back the cries that tried to escape. It was the first time we had gotten to hold her, only for a few minutes, but that was more than life itself. She was so tiny, so fragile. I blamed myself for everything, especially for Norman not being there. I told myself that he never really wanted anything to do with me, he was just there for the baby, of course he denied it, said that he just wanted one more fix before she was here, before he had to grow up. And of course that led to a big fall out, causing him to end up drunk, causing me to end up leaving. Isn't that how it always ends?

"Danielle.." He pulls the picture out of my hands, taking it into his own. "I.." He takes a deep breath, letting a tear fall onto his thigh. "...I got mad and threw it.. I didn't have enough energy to pick it back up.."

"It's not energy, Norman, it's courage." He nodded in agreement, knowing that my words were true. He brings the picture up to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to it. I have to hold my breath so I don't say something that would be inappropriate for what we have now.

What we have now is probably more of a disaster than if we were together. We're not really anything, to be completely honest. A good fuck here and there, mostly to pass the time, for him it's probably just to call me his for a little while longer. But I'd be lying if I said that that wasn't why I did it. I want to love him, I want to come home to him every night, I want things to be like they were while those twent-two weeks of me being pregnant went by. But that can't happen again, it won't happen again. I'd rather watch us burn than give in and wake up to an empty bed, or wake up to his screaming at me for some ungodly reason.

"You'll come by tomorrow, won't you?" I hadn't noticed that he had gotten dressed himself. "Will you?"

"Yes, Norman, I'll be here." I swallow the lump in my throat and nod. "I'll always be here, you know that don't you?"

"Not in the way I want you to be.." He shrugs, pulling on a T-shirt and making his way down the hall.

I sigh, shaking my head. "You are something else.."

*

Okay, so, the next few chapters are going to jump around a lot from past stuff, back to present, from months, to years, so please watch out for those! It makes me so nervous when you guys comment because I feel like you aren't going to like the chapter lol is that weird? I really love you guys! Thank you for continuing to read even when I take fucking forever to update, I love you! :)