Blood Sugar

Part One Hundred Thirty One: Enjoy Freedom

"I think I know why you're so miserable", Tasha said and grinned at me.

I really managed to escape from the interview. Even Tony thought I was too drunk. Now I was there, waiting in the bus with Tasha and drinking the alcohol leftovers.

"Why do you think I'm so miserable?", I asked her and she kept on grinning.

"Love", she said and I rolled my eyes.

"You evil little bitch", I said and chuckled.

She winked at me and slightly nudged my arm. "Love's a bitch", she said.

"Why do you think we love people?", she asked me and I have to confess, I had to think about it for a while. Or maybe I was just too drunk.

Then she just answered the question herself. "We just need fucking affirmation. Someone who comforts us and fucks us regularly. You don't need love though when you have great friends", she said.

"But friends don't suck your cock", I said and chuckled.

"Some do", she said.

I scratched my head. She was going into a direction I didn't get at that state I was in.

"But then it's just like a relationship, isn't it?", I asked and she smiled.

"It's not. You can be friends with multiple people. Why would you put ties around everything? I don't get relationships. You just take yourself back so much. Why not just liberate ourselves?", she asked.

"I don't know. Tasha, this shit's too deep for me now. I know I love my girlfriend and I love being with her. That's enough", I said and searched the floor with my eyes for more booze.

"But you're miserable. You are. Think about it, John. You don't have to be", she said.

"Come on, stop that. I need a drink. And then we need to go out. I'm bored", I said and jumped up from my seat.

"Face it", she yelled after me and I threw Tony's shirt from the floor in her face.

"Shut up, Tash. Too drunk to face anything", I said and then I finally found more rum in the corner.

"Jackpot", I said and smiled.

"What do we got to drink this with?", she asked and I shrugged, looking at the bottle.

"Water? Nothing?", I asked.

"Alright, I see", she said, started laughing and took the bottle from me to take the first sip.

The rest of the night was a blur. I remember Tash and me strolling through whatever town we were in and that there was yelling by I thought was Tony but I couldn't be too sure. And the next thing I got was waking up the next day or morning in my bunk next to Tasha, feeling as if I got hit by a train.

I looked down on me and her and saw we were still fully dressed. And I even had my shoes on.

I tried to get up, but let my body fall back into the sheets immediately again. I was just to week. I closed my eyes again and woke up by a slap in the face. I turned my head and saw Tony looking right at me. I turned around and Tasha was gone. Again.

"What?", I asked, totally out of my mins.

"You little fucker", he said and jumped down.

I rubbed my eyes and took my notebook. I scribbled the word 'fuck' into it several times and noticed that there had been a couple of pages written since I last remembered myself writint. Last night?, I thought and looked at it closely.

Love, love, love. Pain! Why do we love? Why do we have partners? Did I ever love? WHY? WH

I knit my brows. It was obviously my handwriting. The last word was cut off. Followed by the word pain again. Not in my handwriting though. Maybe Tasha wrote it. I looked through the rest of the book and saw she had left another message on the last page.

Why don't you be free?

"Get the fuck down here, Frusciante", Tony yelled and I threw my notebook into the corner.

What was going on? What was I doing? I jumped down and let Tony yell at me for things I couldn't even remember. He told me to take this band more serious. That it wasn't all fun and games and that I'd better get my shit together and stop drinking and doing drugs with the money off the bus jar. Apparently, I had taken 100 dollars with me last night that were meant for the next grocery runs.

I felt like I was sitting in court, getting sentenced. I now had to go to every interview and get my shit together at our shows to make this good again. And he didn't wanna run the clubs again to search for my drunk ass.

I walked up to the back of the bus like a zombie and let my body fall down next to Flea. "I'm sorry", I halfwhispered to him and took the cup that was in front of me. It was dirty but I didn't give a fuck. I grabbed the bottle with a tiny rest of rum in front of me and filled it up.

"Really, John?", Flea asked but I didn't listen. I just poured it down.

"Just this bit and I'm done", I said and leaned back. My head was so empty. I felt so empty. The only thing that was repeating were the voices that told me to talk to her.

"You alright, Fru?", Flea asked and I shook my head.

"Need to talk to her", I said.

"It's not gonna make you better though", Tash said. I looked around and saw her leaning against the wall of the bus.

I knit my brows, looked at her and looked away again.

"What is this?", Flea asked and looked to her.

"Don't ask me", she said and walked away.

Flea patted my back, took my cup and filled it with water. "You'll get to talk to her when we arrive, okay? It's gonna be good, yeah?"

I nodded and drank the water.

When I walked up to my bunk again and pulled up the blanket, I saw a ripped out piece of paper and took it. "Don't be a CUNT. Enjoy FREEDOM".

I angrily wad it, threw it in the corner and tried to get some rest.