Blood Sugar

Part One Hundred Sixteen: Speed Me Up

John's POV

"We got him. Yeah.. we're in this filthy motel... No, of course we won't let him run... No... I'll stay by his side.. it's not your fault..", I heard Flea talking to Loesha as I was sitting next to Tony on the edge of the bed. He had his face covered with his hands and didn't say a word. It felt horrible seeing him that way. He was a wreck. That guy every girl loved. That guy that always ran the show. Totally broken.

It made me reconsider my whole life. Asking myself why people did that to themselves. And I figured it was just easy. When you did drugs, you didn't have to solve your problems. You'd just forget about them. But for Tony, it didn't seem that easy. He needed a friend. Someone to talk to. Let his persona of the show runner drop for once and expose what was really going on inside.

When Flea hung up, I went down to get coffee for us. I needed to get away from Tony.. just for a moment. I know it sounds crude, but I couldn't take his miserableness for the moment. And I felt like I needed to drop a load off myself aswell.

When I saw a payphone outside the motel, I walked straight to it and dialed Kaya's roomnumber.

"Kaya.. I need to tell you something", I said and my knees almost gave in.

"John? What is it?"

"I want to be true to you. I'm afraid of becoming an addict. I'm always scared of losing you when you're not around. And I take drugs. They make me feel better. I lied to you a couple of times. But I'm not gonna do that again. I swear. I'll call you every time before I... before I'd probably get loaded. Will you help me?", I asked and I suddenly felt free. My knees didn't feel weak anymore. My mind was rid of all these concerns I had before. About talking to her about it. Anything.

But when the line died, I knew she didn't feel the same. I got out of the booth and kicked the door. I banged my fist against it, I screamed out in pain. I hit and hit again until my knuckles were bruised and bloody. When I got my shit together again, I went back inside. Maybe Flea had a couple of pills left to lift my mood.

"Didn't you wanna grab coffee?", Flea asked and I frowned.

"No. How about some speed instead?"

"John.. we just found half dead Anthony and you're thinking about taking drugs?"

"Yeah. I'm not gonna OD. Don't worry", I said and rolled my eyes.

He got the plastic bag out of his pocket and threw it in my direction. I took a pill and leaned back on the greasy sofa that was placed in front of a barred window. Apparentely, junkies loved kicking in the windowpanes.

I rolled myself a cigarette and took a closer look at Tony. Damn. He was suffering. He cried like a baby in Flea's lap. Not gonna happen to me, I thought and lit my cigarette.

"This shit fucking sucks, Flea. What are gonna do?", I asked after a while and he sent me an annoyed look.

"We're gonna stay here with him until he's sober and he's gonna sleep here and we're gonna take him home tomorrow. Easy, alright?"

"Alright. Don't you want some more speed?", I asked and waved with the baggie.

"Nah, man. I'm good."

"How're ya gonna stay awake? Someone's gotta watch him", I said.

"Yeah. You can. I mean.. you're all pumped up with speed already. Ain't gonna shut an eye tonight", he said and rolled his eyes.

"Maybe I was gonna go out though", I said and shrugged.

He raised his brows on me. "Don't you even think about it, Greenie. We're in this together or I'll send your ass back home. And I mean home."

"Try and find a replacement for me", I said and didn't realize how cocky I sounded and how much of an asshole I was being altogether. Too much speed. He probably was right.

"I'll grab a coffee, you'll stay here", he sternly said and went out.

Tony was sleeping like a stone by now. And I was getting high-blown. I went up to him and searched his pockets. He didn't move an inch. He was half-dead. Unfortunately.. or maybe fortunately if I looked at it in a sober state.. he didn't have any shit left in his pockets. Used everything up. Threw it away, realized it was a mistake. Whatever it was, there was none left and I trotted back to the worn-out couch. 

I was antsy to say the least. At the same time pissed off. Pissed off at Kaya for hanging up on me. I wanted to go out and trash something. Real bad. But I was just sitting there, bopping up and down. There must've been some sense left inside of me. At least I didn't want Flea to kick me out of the band. I rolled myself another cigarette and started shivering as I smoked it. I wanted this to end. Couldn't I just wake up? Like I was in a bad dream?