Blood Sugar

Part Sixty-Two: Lost

I was still shocked as L came up to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "Hey girl, what the fuck was that? What's wrong with John?" I told her what was up, that I feared John was probably mad because I told him before I didn't know Bill at all and the thing with the cigarette butts he saw on his doorsteps.

"Maybe he's just overly sensitive because he's drunk? And that shit with that creepy stalker girl happened and all." "Nah, I think he's mad for real. There's something up with him and Bill, I think something worse than he might wanna tell me happened between them. I hope Flea caught him up and he's not alone."

L stroked my arm softly. "Don't worry girl, things'll be just fine. As soon as he finds out about the party you planned and the awesome present and you know.. nothing's as it seemed, things'll be fine, promise." I smiled hesitantly. "I just need to be alone for a sec, okay?", I said and walked to the stairway and up to Tony's spare room.

I sat down on the bed, put my head into my hands and started crying. I really hoped L was right. This was just so unfair. We've had enough troubles. And now he's mad and gone, probably won't talk to me again and leave and I won't see him anymore.

I froze as I heard a knock on the door. Great. "Yeah?" The door opened a tiny crack and Ant's face looked into mine. "Can I come in?" I wiped away my tears and nodded. He placed himself next to me, put his arm around me and asked me what's happened. I tried to give him a short version.

"Hm.. not trying to discourage you.. but I also felt that when Bill called your name.. from that point on.. something was off.. you know? You probably know he's sensitive about him.. and girls..?" I nodded. "Yeah.. kind of... But not really actually."

Ant sighed. "Okay. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you.. but.. fuck it.. so.. John had this girlfriend. Few months before I even knew him.. And.. he was really in love with her. Something that he barely has. With you now of course.. but apart from that.. Well, he loved her. And as he and Bill shared an apartment, he also grew close to her. So.. one day, John came home in the middle of the night and walked in to these two fucking on their couch." My eyes grew wide. "Fuck.. that's heavy. What an asshole.. well both of 'em." Ant raised his eyebrows. "Totally.. but John somehow forgave Bill. Like, he was shitfaced and high and god knows. But from that point on he got real careful with him and moved out of their shared place. And this whole thing is probably why he didn't introduce you two in the first place. I mean.. Bill's his best friend. You even met his mom and not Bill. He's afraid he'll like you too much. And vice versa." 

I breathed deep. This all made sense now. I felt so bad for bringing up these dark memories in John's head. And guilty, too. I should've just told him I've met Bill when he got suspicious about the Parliaments. Lying is never a good idea. It's strange, people seem to always need a reminder on that.

"Did Flea come back yet?", I asked Ant. He shook his head. "Afraid not." "Fuck.. you know.. I really wouldn't ever do anything to hurt John. I really do love him." "I know." "Aw man.. I hope he'll show up and we can talk this out and just give him a nice birthday." "We'll find him", Ant said and rubbed my back. I smiled. "Thank you for coming." "Course Kay. You belong to the family." "The family?", I asked and looked up to him. "Yeah, the extended Chili family", he said with a warm smile. I was so sad but at the same time so overwhelmed by what he said, so I cuddled up to him and he ruffled my hair in response. "Wanna go back down?", he asked and I nodded.

My shoulders were slouched and my face screamed "Kill me" as I walked down these steps. It was crazy, the party was well underway, everybody enjoyed themselves, people danced, laughed, sang. As if nothing just happened. And I could still hear that horrible squeaky sound that came out of the amp as John let his guitar fall to the ground.

Tony's arm was hanging losely on my shoulder as I observed the crowd. I spotted Lara flirting with Keanu but couldn't even be mad at her, I felt this bad for myself. Chad was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands and someone next to him babbled into his ear, but he was totally unimpressed. Maybe he was worried about John, maybe he was sad to see Lara sweet-talking Keanu. Who knows?

When I heard Flea's voice, my eyes lit up. But the moment he stepped into the room, alone, I knew he had bad news. He stopped by some guys who hailed at him to come over, but kept it short to walk straight up to me and Ant. "Found John?", Tony asked. Flea looked down and shrugged. "Nah.. walked out but he was already gone. I searched the streets, even went up to every nearby liquor store and park, but nothing. He wasn't even home. Didn't know where else to look. Guess he doesn't want us to find him." "Dammit." I looked up to Flea and gave him a weak smile. "Thank you for looking for him." "Yeah, the least I could do. Don't hang your head Kay, he'll show up when he's ready." 

"What if he's getting into trouble?", I said with a sob. Ant stroked my back softly. "He's smart, he'll be fine", Ant whispered into my ear with his comforting voice. I couldn't hold back the tears. "I hope so.. I feel so bad.. this is all my fault." "Stop that Kaya, none of this is your fault", Flea said. 

This whole situation was too much for me and I felt the urge to have a joint. These happy people were driving me insane, I needed to calm down. So I looked around for Rio. He always had a supply with him or knew where to get some. But I couldn't seem to find him. And disturbing Keanu und Lara was not an option. These two lovebirds would only make me puke and resent my best friend. 

I went out anyway and grabbed a cigarette. As I wanted to light it, Chris showed up on the porch. He still had his wide leather jacket on, his hands in his pockets, and seemed to have just arrived. He smiled as he saw me and sat down next to me.

"Did they exile you on the naugthy step?", he said and smirked. "As always", I said and smiled. "Want one?", I asked and offered him a cigarette. "I actually got a spliff in my pocket", he said, grabbed into his pocket and held it out to me. He raised his eyebrows on me. "Wanna share?" "You're reading my mind", I said and grinned. "Knew it." 

"Dude, I've got some wicked news", Chris said as he took his first pull. "What is it?" "Lisa put Paul Westerberg of The Replacements on my recording schedule. He stopped by today.. you know.. to get to know the team and studio and all. Man.. he's the funniest dude ever. Can't wait to work with him." "Chris, that's so cool. You gotta introduce us", I said as if I didn't know he'd do it anyway. "Yeah, 'course. You'll love him", he said and nodded.

It felt good to talk to Chris again. Plus he didn't know what happened before so I was able to distract myself.

After a while, River and a friend of his joined us. And I was right, he had a supply. I was happy to share another joint with him. But it didn't really calm me down the way I had hoped for so I decided to go back in, say bye to the rest and go home. I left Chris in good company though. These three talked about music with a passion that I'd love to have shared if my mood wasn't at rock bottom.

Inside, the same scene as before. I rolled my eyes at all these cheerful people and went up to Flea who leaned against a wall and talked to some guy. I waved in his directions and he quickly looked up and smiled. Then he patted the guy's shoulder and walked up to me. 

"Hey Kay, didn't know you were still around." "I am.. have you heard of John?" "No.. nothing." "Well.. fuck.. I think I'll go to his place for the night.. I don't think he'll come back here. But he'll go home eventually, right?" Flea pursed his lips and nodded. He tried to look sincere but I knew he didn't believe himself when he told me John would probably be home by now. 

I wanted to say bye to Lara, too and asked Flea if he saw her. He raised his eyebrows. "Nah.. she's gone, Keanu's gone, too. You'll have a hard time finding her I suppose." "Ugh.. you don't think they left together, do you?" He shrugged. "Not sure." "I'm so sorry Flea. I told her to step back. But I guess I'm not her mom. I just feel so bad for Chad", I said and looked down uncomfortably. "He'll manage all right. Don't worry." "Yeah.. look, I'm gonna leave now. Will you hug Tony and Chad for me?" He nodded and took me into a hug. "Night Kay. Get yourself a taxi, it's late." "Yup. Night Flea."