What am I afraid of?...A few things but I'm gonna go with my biggest fear.
My biggest fear is myself. Ignoring how cliche and stupid that is just stay with me.
I'm scared of myself for a few reasons, lets go down the list.
Let's start with the obvious, One, My strength and size.
I'm scared because of how easily I can hurt people, I can hold them down, break bones, do horrible things so easily just because of how big I am and how strong I am. I could hurt my family and no one would be able to stop me.
Two, the cravings.
They aren't...normal cravings, I go to therapy for it now and I've been hospitalized in the past because of it but I haven't hurt anyone, I promise I haven't and I won't. I promised Awsten, I swore to him I would never give into these awful cravings and I haven't. I won't become a cannibal.
Three, The voices.
They tell me to do things, they call me names and make me think that what I'm seeing isn't real sometimes. They tell me to do horrible things like shove the fireplace poker into Rian's eye, break Clyde's arms...stuff like that.
Finally, My anger.
Its nowhere near as bad as Rian's but...everything ties into my anger. If I lose it to the voices I could hurt someone and if no ones there to stop me, to ground me quick enough I could give into the cravings and I don't want any of that...
I feel like a monster all of the time and I just want it to stop.
