Becoming Wanted

Chapter 42: Admiting

I wake up in mine and Jen's room that we're 'sharing'. Which basically means Jen sleeps on 3/4 of the bed and I sqush into the remaining 1/4 of the bed next to the wall. So much fun. Note the sarcasm.

I some how find my way around Jen without waking her up. I slowly open the door and it creeks to an open. I flinch as memories rush at me just from the noise. I close the door and let out the breathe I was holding.

I turn and walk towards the stairs and make my way down. I walk towards the kitchen where Michelle is making breakfast.

"Do you need any help," I ask as i walk into the kitchen.

"Oh, gosh, Anna you scared me," she say as she jumps while see keeps her eyes on what she's doing.

"How'd you know it was me," I ask being a little freaked out that she knew it was me.

"Your voice," she says like it was obvious.

"Oh," I say as I walk around to the bar. Then my medicines come to mind. Then turn around and walk back up the stairs and into our room as quietly as I can then search though my bag until I find the makeup bag I stuffed the bottles into yesterday. I find it and take out all of the pills I need for the day.

I'm about to leave again when Jen starts to move around in bed. I frreze for a minute and then open the door just enough so I can get though. Barely fitting I squish my body though the small gap. I walk back down and it seems everyone else has woke up too.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think to myself is I can just get a bottle of water and take my pills wihtout anyone noticing everything would go perfectly. I look in the refrigerator and pull out a bottle then walk into the laundry room. Throwing the pills down my throat then chugging the whole bottle of water to get them all down.

I turn to walk back and see Connor standing in the doorway. He has confusion written all over his face and all I can do is look at him.

"What were you doing in here," he asks as he walks closer. I don't answer trying to think of all he saw while I stare at the ground. "tell me, please," he say as concern washes over him.

"I'm - I'm not sure," Not letting my gaze meet his.

"You know you can tell me anything," he says taking a few steps forward.

"I know," again my gaze doesn't leave the floor.

"Then tell me," he says only a step away from me. I don't say anything. "Please, babe," he says as he reaches his hand up to my check. I'm a little surprised he's never called me that before.

"I," is all I can say. Should I tell him. Or will he treat me differently after he finds out.

"Please," he says again lifting my head so we're eye to eye.

"Medicines," I mumble barely audio able.

"What," he says with a questioning look on his face.

"Medicines," I say just loud enough so he can hear.

"Why," he says as a mix of understanding, concern, and questioning look on his face.

"Anxiety, depression, and PTSD," I say having to look away from his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me," now he sounds hurt. What if I just ruined the best relationship I've ever had?

"I-I didn't want to you treat me any different," I say sheepishly.

"No," he says bringing me into a hug, "I wouldn't have. Your my princess and I'll treat you like that."

I let a smile slip on to my face as one of the many tears slips out of my eye. He starts to rub my back and we just stand there hugging. We brake apart quickly as we hear someone clear there throat. We turn to see who it is and it's only his mom. Thank god.

"I can't keep y'all's secret forever ya know," she says as she leans on the door frame. I just nods my head the medicines haven't taken full effect yet so I'm still a little depressed.

I walk out and slip by her. I start to walk to the living room when I stop and listen to there very in depth conversation.

"Are you sure," I her Jena say. She sounds really shocked. What could they be talking about.

"Yeah, they were in her bag. I saw her come back in and get a bunch. Then she walked back out," I hear a very angry or concern Jen say. I can't exactly tell which I think it's a little of both.

"I don't know what to tell you Jen," I hear Josh chirp in.

"No, no, no, no, this can't be happening," I say under my breathe so only I can hear it. Finally I decide I can't stand there forever so I head for the stairs. The only problem is I have to walk though the living room to get to them. I walk as quick as I can and make it to the stairs.

"Anna," I hear Jen say my name but I keep running until I'm at our room. I sprawl out across the bed and burry my head in a pillow.

"Anna," I hear Jen say again but not as casual. More concerned and a little mad. I hear her walk closer as she says, "Anna can I talk to you about something." I don't answer. I'm waiting for my medicines to kick in it usually only takes about 5 to 10 minutes. But today it feels like eternity. "Anna, what were those pills for," she asks as I feel the bed slope downwards. I just keep my head buried. "Anna, please," she say as she rests her hand on my leg. I shake my head she'll find out one day but not today. I've already told more people than I said I would. "Anna, you can trust me," now she sounds hurt.

I flip over and look her in the eye there's a mix of emotions; happy, sad, mad, depressed, concerned.

"Problems," I say not wanting to tell her.

"What," she says this time confused.

"Problems," I say as the look in her eyes changes to understanding. Something I thought I'd never see in someone other than Connor.

"If that's all you want to tell me then that's fine but if you want to talk I'm here for you," she says as a smile appears on her face as she says the last few words.

"Okay," I let out as I sit up to her level.

"Well, we're about to head to the beach if you want to come," she says walking over to her huge suitcase.

"Okay," I say again as I swing my feet off the bed. I stand up and walk over to my bag and pull out a strapless navy and white poke a dot top and plain black bottoms. I walk to the bathroom and change. I walk out and throw a big T-shirt before Jen can see my scars.

I grab my backpack and throw a towel into it where my book, headphones, sketchbook, and pencils lay. I grab my phone off its charger and walk out if the room.