it's just kissing | m.j ✓

CHAPTER THIRTY.

Jimin watches Namjoon from the corners of his eyes as he takes a slow sip of the hot tea provided by Hoseok for the two of them. The initial numbing sensation of frigid water against his skin is now gone, instead replaced by a blanket of warmth which slowly lulls him to a dream-like stance. He can physically feel the hot liquid traveling through his body, and he welcomes it after the gulps of river water he had inadvertently swallowed while shouting for Namjoon's attention. 

The bar owner is almost alarmingly silent on the bed they are currently sitting on, his knees pulled towards his chest and his eyes fixed into a blank stare at his own feet. His fingers are curled tightly around his own knees, grasping them as if he's still depending on them to keep him from drowning, and his shoulders are hunched, making himself appear much smaller than he is. There is a sense of vulnerability Jimin did not know possible, and he finds it quite jarring to say the least.

Namjoon, ever since they first met on the one fateful night at the bar, had been the very definition of strong in every sense of the word. And Jimin isn't talking about the hard punch he threw or his ability to fight just about anyone off if he wished to or his commanding presence which had people groveling at his feet more often than not.

No, Namjoon was more than that. Namjoon was able to take care of more than just himself. He had people follow him for his compassion and loyalty. He was also strong in that he was always proud and confident. He didn't let things get to him or change him. He had a fixed set of morals he stood by no matter what the circumstances are...and all in all, in Jimin's eyes, the man had been someone who stood in the realm of perfection that Jimin could only dream of.

It's not to say that Namjoon looks weak by any means. Not at all. Namjoon's had a near death experience, and after hearing from Taehyung that the bar owner can't swim to save his life, Jimin's almost surprised by how calm he's taking the entire experience.

But there is something different. Whatever it is, it almost makes Namjoon seem more real. Like an actual human being, if that makes any sense, and Jimin inexplicably feels closer to the other man as he witnesses first-hand a side of Kim Namjoon he didn't know existed.

Jimin pulls the blanket around his shoulders more tightly. They were told by the rest of the bar to get some rest, and while the original plan was to sleep in separate rooms, Jimin opted for staying with Namjoon, because in all honesty, he's worried about the taller man. Sure, the man may be acting calm and collected, but Jimin doesn't miss the fear lingering in his eyes. And well..he himself isn't in the mood to be cooped up in a room by himself. He's really not in the mood for nightmares in which he will inevitably succumb to the river and wake up with cold sweats covering his entire body.

So he decided to stay in the same room as his own boss, and the rest of the bar left the room with a stern reminder to call for any of them if they need anything. Everyone, even the usually boisterous and flippant Hoseok and Seokjin seem quite shaken up by the event, so Jimin tells them to not worry and get some rest as well. Afterall, it's become a tough day for everyone, even the ones who didn't almost drown.

"Do you need anything?" Jimin asks quietly, inching towards the taller man on the bed, and Namjoon finally looks up, his shoulders still tense.

"I'm sorry," Namjoon croaks out instead of an actual response, and Jimin blinks back at him, confused by the sudden apology.

"For what?"

"You could've died trying to save me," Namjoon explains in a hushed tone, curling into an even tighter ball. It does take a minute for Jimin to truly process the words, because he can't believe what he's hearing. He had jumped in because it was simply the right thing to do. What was he supposed to do? Watch the man just be swept by the current to never see him again?

"Don't apologize for that. We're fine."

"Why did you do it?" Namjoon asks, and something about the question sounds all too familiar to Jimin's ears. The smaller man shifts on the mattress so that he's now sitting directly in front of the other man. Namjoon watches him with a weary eye, the oversized blanket engulfing him almost comically.

"Did you expect me to not try to save you?" Jimin questions back instead, wondering if that's what the bar owner is truly thinking. He hopes not. He would like to think that he's led a righteous enough life for people to think that he's the kind of person to help someone in need. And plus, he really does care about Namjoon, and it'd sort of...break his heart to think that Namjoon doesn't see that kind of bond between them.

When Namjoon doesn't answer, Jimin flashes the other man a small smile before reaching out and pulling the blanket tighter around Namjoon. The bar owner jolts in surprise before returning to just watching the smaller man.

"I really do care about you, you know," Jimin continues, figuring he won't be getting a solid answer to his question. "I know I'm a nuisance half the time and that I can be super annoying but...you've always been so nice to me and...yeah, I guess, I just want you to know that I really do care about you...so um..so of course I'm going to jump in that river and try to save you."

Namjoon listens to the words carefully, taking in every dip and ring of the other man's soft voice. He takes in the way the corners of Jimin's lips are upturned slightly. Almost graceful in the way it conveys such sweet sentiment of genuine caring and selflessness.

The first time they met, Namjoon had believed the man to be nothing more than a pathetic, naive, run-of-the-mill gay man he's seen too many times to count. To Namjoon, Jimin was...the odd one out. The outlier. The kind of guy he didn't associate himself with, because really, he would normally not waste a second on someone so bothersome.

Yet, time passed, and Jimin proved to be different. He was still helpless and naive, needing protection in just about everything he did, but there was something about him that Namjoon couldn't just overlook. Something about Jimin had stirred up a previously non-existent streak of protectiveness inside him, and he had taken on the role of a guardian of sort. Almost like a big brother figure who, um, taught Jimin how to date guys and kiss them properly.

But when it came to the most frightening moment of his life, Jimin had saved him without a moment of hesitation. Jimin, the same Jimin who stuttered around his dates and took stupid notes on seducing men, didn't even fear death itself to jump into ice cold river and pull him back to land.

Would he have done the same? Would he have been able to risk his own life to save Jimin? What he finds terrifying is that he doesn't think that he can give a definitive "yes" to the question. He had always been cautious of taking risks. Everything he did was quite calculated to reach the best outcome possible. Afterall, he didn't succeed in running Bulletproof based on his reputation alone.

But Jimin. Jimin had jumped in. They weren't even family or lovers. Namjoon doesn't think that they can even qualify as friends. They worked together and sort of helped each other. They sometimes spent time together outside of the bar, but that was it.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, Namjoon feels scared. Not because of what had happened to him mere minutes ago, but because now he's asking himself questions he had been hoping to keep locked up somewhere in the darkest corners of his brain.

What if they were to become something more than just...co-workers? How would Jimin treat him then? Will they be able to make it work?

What if he were to fall for someone like Jimin?