Grinding Spike [ 5 to 13 ] -- DISCONTINUED

[41] Try To Be Happy Without You

Damn! I hate myself. Acting like I am strong but the truth is I am such a cry baby. A cry baby who can't stop the tears are running down to his own face. Yes, watching cry like that, my heart can't handle it. My heart aches so much. It can't help but cry too. I cry in silent.

"Than?" The voice from behind me. A familiar voice that I had heard before. I turn around and see a familiar face. His face is showing a sad face but he tries to smile. But the pain in his face can't be hid.

He looks to the scene behind me then look back at me. He is still smiling like he is trying to understand me.

"Do you want to eat? I haven't had my breakfast" He asks me before he walks out from hospital and go to somewhere nearby. He doesn't care if I follow him or not but strangely, my feet is following wherever he goes. And here I am, sitting across him.

"Do you want to eat something?" I shake my head as an answer but he still orders a bowl of meat balls for me, for two of us.

"P'Petch..." I open my mouth. He looks at me while still eating the foods.

"You don't like it?" He asks me if I don't like the foods then he continue to eat. Like he is trying to change whatever subject I want to bring up.

"P~" He stops eating then look at me. Still gives me that smile. A fake bright smile because he doesn't feel so bright right now. He is in pain. A lot of pain.

"He is gonna wake up, right?" He tries to hold his tears, "Nah, he have to wake up! That jerk have to wake up or else...." He can't continue his words. He lifts up his head, tries to stop the tears that want to come out from his eyes.

We walk around. Nah, it is him who is walking around. I am just being accompany. Just to let him not feeling alone. Now we are around hospital. This hospital is huge. There is garden and it is beautiful. I will admire it if I am not in this state. Hurt and broken.

"This is funny right?" He is asking me while staring at the sky, "We just an outsider between that two. We never know what kind of relationship they have and we can't replace or break that relationship. It will be there with them two"

"I know but I just can't stop..." I pause. We pause. Being silent for while before I open my mouth and start a conversation again.

"What will you do P?" I ask him, "If you was me, what will you do?"

"What I am going to do?" He repeats that question like a broken casette, "I am asking myself too. What I have to do?"

"You care about him, right P?"

"I do but I don't know if I have my right to care about him" He is giving me a blank smile again, "He is someone I don't dare to reach of. Just like a star. You will be break if you fall"

So, you do care a lot about him P'Petch but you never show it to him. Just because you don't want to be hurt. Not like me. It is too late for me to retreat. I already broken. I already hurt. Break into pieces.

"Sometime we need to be invisible until the day they can see us"

*****

Petch POV

Kinda regret. Why I was being so melancholy? I didn't mean to do it and show how weak I am, especially to that junior. That junior is someone who Singha adores so much. The junior he always wants to protect the most. At first I don't know why he is being like that to the junior but now I know.

But is it worthed if in the end he is the one who is hurting the most? Not only him but everyone he cares about, especially that special person for him. His best mate. I remember how he kneed down, cried a river in front of the room, looking at Singha. Everytime, everyday, he spends his time just to look at him. And there is someone else who looks at him also. He looks at Singha and that person looks at him. Such a pain view of them being so sad like that.

"Is it worthed to be hurt like this?" I sit beside him. Looking at the boy who is laying down with the machine and stuff around him. He doesn't bugde. Just a sound of machine that can be heard.

"If you wake up, I will beat you to death because you let stupid thing like this happens to you"

I reach his hand. Hold it tight to let him know if there is someone who is staying beside him. The person who has been cried for him already back to his home. Maybe he will come back again tomorrow morning. He always does it everyday since this is happening to the boy who is laying down in front of me. And the only time I can show up and see this guy is in the night when everyone is left.

"He always here, watching you from outside. He cried for you" I pause and look at his face. Cares his face with a gentle touch. "Please wake up, Singha"

"And your Nong...." I tell him again, "He came. He is sad. He needs you"

"Please wake up....for him... Please"

*****
Than POV

Walking down on the street in the middle of the night. Something I never imagine I will do it. Yes, this is happening right now. My feet just walk around. Don't know where it is heading at. Minutes to hours. I am walking that long. The cold breeze doesn't stop me.

And here I am. In the gate of  of our dorm. Looking inside to someone who is sitting alone on the bench. I don't know what he is doing in this time.

"Than?" He calls my name when he sees me. He walks to me. Open the gate and stand in front of me.

"What are you doing in the middle of night? Aren't you feel cold?" He asks me again.

"I am sorry P, I couldn't come to practice today"

"It is ok. No need to be sorry. You can comeback when you feel more better" He tells me, "You need something or you want take one more day off?" I shake my head.

He asks me again if I am really ok and I tell him I am fine. No need to worry about me. Well, I have to be ok. No need to be sad anymore. I need to find my own happiness. It is enough to be sad and heart broken. It is time to move on.

"P'Nao...." He looks at me, "Congratulation for you and Pete" He is being shy but still thanking me about that. The shy smile is showing on his face.

"How about you? What will you do now?"

Me? Don't worry P, I am going to be fine. I am gonna be okay. I will try to be happy at least for myself.

".... I guess it is time so say goodbye"

"What do you mean?"

"I will try to be happy, P" I tell him, "Without him"

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I am sorry for taking so long to do an update
I really really busy these past weeks
You know, work 🙄

But here is the update
Hope you like it
And hope I am not making you sad