Grinding Spike [ 5 to 13 ] -- DISCONTINUED

[20] The Dream Of Happiness

Than POV

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Since that incident happened, I feel so awkward whenever I meet him. Wait, was it an incident? Just let's say like that because I am not sure about it.

Whenever I meet him, I can remember it clearly when his lips touched mine. And I can't help but touch my lips. I know I am acting weird, but I can't help it. It is like a habit for me now. Blame him for that.

"Why you always touch your lips? Is your lips hurt?" Pete asks me. I shake my head.

"I am fine. It is just.... My lips feel so dry"

"But your lips look red and it seems moist" He tells me, "You sure you are ok? You look dazed sometime. If you feel sick, you can take rest. I will tell P'Puen about it"

"NO!!!" I scream, "I mean, I am fine. No need to tell him"

"You sure?" I nod, "Well, if you say so. Now let's go treat me lunch!"

"Treat you? Why me?"

"Because I just help you not to tell P'Puen about this"

Really, Pete? You will pay it back later. Just wait and see. You will dead!

We are at canteen when P'Nao comes and tells me to go because P'Puen wants to meet me.

"Why he wants meet me?" He srugh.

"I don't know. You can ask him the reason when you meet him"

"Don't worry, Than. I will give you companny"

"No. You stay here, Pete" he says, "Puen only asked to meet him, not you!"

"Then, I go back to my class"

"No. Sit here with me. End of discussion!" Pete gives up and back to his seat, "Better you go now before he turns to be satanic Puen" he tells me.

Yes, he is right. Better I go as soon as possible before P'Puen mads. You don't want to your life ends, right? But, I still don't know how to not to be awkward with him. Just thinking of him makes me so nervous. What I have to do?

"P'Nao. I just wanna tell you, Pete has your picture in his phone"

P'Nao looks at Pete who is choking his foods. P'Nao is smiling happily while my friend is acting nervous and awkward. That is my payback foe you, Pete. Eat that shit! Haha!

I am so busy with my thought and don't realise if I am near the place where P'Puen wants to meet me. I hear voices from afar. It is like two person in intense discussion.

"And now what?" That is P'Leng voice, "Tell me, Puen. What do you want? Sometime we can't understand you"

I stand from where I am. Don't move and not make any sounds. I don't want to interfer their discussion. It seems so important. But, is it ok to overhear about it? I hope they won't mind.

"What will you do now? Don't you think it will make you and him be awkward to each other?" P'Leng seems more mad? I don't know, "We thought you hate him and now what? You kissed him? What did you think?"

What? They are talking about the kiss between me and P'Puen? They are talking about me? Reflex, I hold my breath. I am so nervous to hear what will P'Puen says.

"I...don't know..." He says in low voice, like he is apologizing.

"Don't know what?"

"I was curious about it. That is why I kissed him. And it was nothing"

It was nothing.... That sentence plays in my mind endlessly. So, it was nothing for him. I feel like a fool. I thought he has something for me but... Haha... I am so idiot. Of course I am nothing. Why I have to feel so special for him? Even our term is become so good lately, it doesn't mean he feels something for me. You stupid, Than!

I even don't know what I feel toward him. All I know is my heart is beating so fast whenever he is so close to me and being nice to me. But now I know when I heard what he said about the kiss. I am starting to like him, romantically. Yeah, I am starting to like him that is why my heart is aching when I heard him said that.

I don't know since when it started. I never realise how this is happening to me. And I never know if I can like a boy. Fall for a boy. How this happens? Why this happens?

"Than?" P'Jern pats me, "Why are you here? Why you not come in? Let's come in"

"Oh.. It is ok P. I just remember, I have something to do in my class"

Before I step away, I see P'Puen come out from the class. We look at each other for second before I look away and leave. I can hear P'Jern asks question about me to them, but I try to ignore it. I need to go. Go away. I need time to be alone. To blame my stupidness. To blame the foolish me.

Yeah, you are an idiot Than!

*****

The whole day, I try my best to avoid him. I don't want to meet him. Not because I am sad. Ok, I'll be honest. I am sad, but just a lil bit. The biggest thing is I am upset. Upset of him and upset of myself. So, to avoid I am blowing up my anger if I meet him, I decide to avoid him.

And now, it is 8pm. I am here alone, in the park. I don't know whick park. My mind is blank. Empty and can't think of anything.

I am just sitting here. Staring blankly at the dark. The cool breeze feels so nice to cool me down. I am in heat. My anger is in heat.

"You won't come back?" someone behind me asks. I don't have to turn around to know who is he. I know his voice. He is someone who I know. I ignore him. Not want to answer him.

"You still staying there? Come on. You will catch a cold if you stay here" Still I ignore him. Just stare blankly to the dark in front of me.

I feel something fall to my body. The warm jacket hugs me around. I try to take it off but he stops me. So, I give up. I don't have any mood to fight back. Too tired of everything.

He sits beside me. Not saying anything. Just staying there beside me like a statue. I can feel he is feeling cold but I don't care. It is his fault. Why he gives me his jacket in the first place?

We are sitting like a mannequin for an hour or maybe more. I don't know and I don't care. But it is enough for me to clear my mind. The anger is fading away. I can forgive P'Puen, at least for now. And I can forgive myself for being a fool. No need to regret everything, right? Everything happens for reason. I don't know what reason this happened to me, but I have to accept it.

I can't be mature in one hour, but I try to accept everything and not fighting back. Accept it and be more stronger to be a new me. Yes, new me. New Than. I hope so.

"P'Puen, let's go back"

We are on his motor bike, ready to back to our dorm.

"P'Puen, I am so sleepy. If you don't mind, I will use your back as a pillow"

"Mmmm"

I lean my head on his back. My hands go around his waist. I hug him from back and close my eyes. The feel is so warm. I feel so warm and comfortable. This feeling is just like a dream. I think I am smiling. The best feeling I ever have.

This is just like a dream. The dream that full of happiness. I hope this dream never end but I know this is gonna end soon. So, I will just enjoy every minutes that I have.

He is just like a dream for me. Someone who is the one I like is just like a dream.

P'Puen, you are just like a dream. The dream of happiness that I will never have. The dream that never comes true.... So, from now I won't hurt myself to like you. I am not giving up. I am just want to be happy if it is mean, I have to let you go....

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Than is growing up 😊
So proud of him
I hope he will find happiness soon 😇😇

See you in next chapter
Xoxo