LOOK AT ME (Muslim Story)

He looked at me (46)

As soon as the bell rung for lunch, I was so tempted to go outside in the yard so I can sit at our tree and talk with Ahmed but everyday, I have to remind myself that me and Ahmed are over and our friendship was seriously never going to last anyways.

I was also trying to avoid Gerby. I thought that since I didn't exactly give him the answer he was looking for, he wouldn't exactly come and get me in front of the classroom.

I was wrong, when I saw leaning against my locker, his bucket black hair nearly touching my lock.

Gerby was a short kid. He was shorter than me. This was going to be really weird, I can feel it.

As soon as I got to my locker, I rolled my eyes and sighed. No, I don't want him around. I don't want anybody here. I want to go home. I want to—

To breathe.

Ugh.

When he recognized me, he fixed his features completely, "Oh Emerald, I didn't see you there."

I opened the lock, grunting in response.

"You know, I realized that maybe hanging out with my friends wasn't much of a good idea, you know?" He stuttered, "I noticed that they're little scared of you."

That earned my attention, "Good. I didn't want to hang out with them anyway."

"But—" he decided to include, "But maybe we can walk around, have a conversation, yes?"

Before I could say anything else, he added, "And before you get any ideas, no I don't like you at all. You're just a little bit... hmm how do I say? Interesting? Ah, Yes. That's what you are. Interesting."

I blinked, "Look kid, I don't want to—"

"I'm not taking no as an answer." He said on top of me, "And the only choices here are yes and no."

This triggered me, "I don't want to walk with you though, how is that fair?"

He shrugged, "I guess you'll just have to suck it up."

I don't know what it was about this kid but it reminded me a lot of myself. Either the fact that he's stubborn and wants what he wants or he's just weird and freaky ish. I don't know what it is.

I decided, that no. This kid has driven me to an extent where I'm not ready to start hanging out with new people and starting a new friendship. Colton and Fatima aren't speaking with me, so why should I speak to other random kids? Especially a kid who takes pictures of me and never gets the freaking memo?

Nope. Not hanging out with him.

____________

I slapped my knees in laughter, "He did that?!"

"Yeah," he laughed equally as hard as me, "Tried shooting his shot at Avery and only missed by a couple of thousands of inches!"

"What a freaking looser." I wiped the tears from my eyes, "He sucks."

Okay so I know I said I wasn't going to hang out with him. But I have to admit, Gerby is pretty cool. The reason why he's cool is because he's a lot like me. He lays low on drama and hates annoying people even though that's exactly the kind of person he is.

For lunch, we ended up going to a coffee shop near the school. He suggested we went because he wanted me to try this new coffee or something. I don't know what it is, but this kid, he's cool.

We were currently laughing at a story he told me about his best friend who tried asking out Avery. Turns out, his best friend is two times shorter than Gerby which is hilarious because Avery is twice my size. This is just... comedy.

Our laughter died down when I felt a pain in my chest, one where I had a realization kick in.

I remember laughing like this with Ahmed, mocking a bunch of strangers and kids in our school for how stupid they are.

I sighed really loud, and Gerby probably sensed what's wrong.

"I've never seen you fight with that Muslim boy before," he mentions, his British accent low and his glasses being a nuisance, "It's the first time I see you separated."

I blew out a breath, picking up my coffee cup in one hand, "And just like that Gerby," I brought the cup to my lips, "My mood is broken."

"I'm just saying," he shrugged, "You guys were the school's most talked about. The trending topic as they like to call it. It's strange, extremely ridiculous that you guys stop talking."

I rolled my eyes, "We've fought before. Just this time, is different."

"Why's it different?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.

It's different because I get it now.

When I didn't reply for a while, Gerby senses that this might be a topic I'm not exactly ready to talk about but that's not true. I'm ready to talk about it. Ahmed wants to go around making friends with a bunch of jocks and fucking losers? Fine. Making a new friend wouldn't hurt one bit.

"It's different now because this time I learned a lesson." I whispered, looking out the glass window beside us.

For the past three months and first few weeks, Ahmed has been all I've talked about. He's been on my mind, my life and my fucking everything. Ahmed was my best friend. And now, I just— I don't understand why our friendship ended so soon.

Gerby looked at his small miniature hands that were folded on the table, "And what's that?"

Thinking about Ahmed gave me a heartache. I felt my head hurt and my body jerk just by the thought of him.

I tucked my hoodie closer, "I learned," I leaned in, looking at Gerby dead in the eyes, "That low lives like us," I pointed at the two of us, "Don't ever end up with spoiled bitches like them."

He eyed me suspiciously.

"Don't you get it?" I raised my voice a little higher, "We don't matter Gerby. I don't matter. People hate me, take pictures of me to make fun of me till this day."

He noticed the anger I kept bottled up so he decided to shut his mouth and listen to me rant. Smart move. Ahmed would've interrupted me and told me shit was fine.

"What I went through doesn't even matter. The fact that I got raped, stabbed to death and fucking worn out doesn't get through people's heads. I'm still that dumbass who gets bullied by Avery Mcfuckson." I shrugged, "People dont know when to stop."

Gerby cleared his throat, still listening to me tentatively.

"I wish Ahmed would just understand." I looked at my hands which were now shaking, "I wish he would just understand that I'm not like everyone else you know? That I might come off rude, like I have no feelings. But really, I've got feelings and emotions."