LOOK AT ME (Muslim Story)

LOOK AT ME (27)

Fatima was the next person to come up to me that day but this time, she came up to me after school.

I think she knew that I wasn't really in the mood to talk about my condition, about why I look the way I did. So she brought up a different subject thinking it would light up my day.

"Any progress on the Koran?" She asked cheekily, smiling here to there.

Is she retarded? If there was any luck with Islam does she think I'd be in the condition that I'm in right now?

I pointed at my body, "What does this tell you?"

She saw the darkness in my eyes when she brought up the subject in Islam and she frowned like something wasn't right, "What's wrong?"

"Allah is what's wrong." I hissed, "He's the reason I'm like this right now."

She shook her head, "Allah is trying to guide you—"

"The hell with him!" I shoved my middle fingers up in her face, "If Allah wanted to guide me, why didn't he? When I needed him the most HE WASNT THERE! Don't you see? He's a fraud. He's a fake."

Fatima didn't look convinced from my attitude. It's like deep down, she knew I wanted Allah to be real. That Allah will help me no matter what.

"You're Just angry." She whispered, clutching her bag, "Allah showed you a sign in the book, the Koran. He gave Brandon a seizure and he knocked out four guys. Emerald, Allah doesn't just save people." She explained, motioning with her hands, "He tests them. He wants to see how you choose to handle things. Life is based on choices. All you have to do is pick the right one."

"What the fuck is the right one then?" I cussed her, trying my hardest not to look at her right now, "Look. Allah wasn't there for me last night. He was probably helping some other random bitch when I needed him. No one has my back anymore okay? No one."

She saw the anger in my eyes and left it at that, "Read it." Was the last thing she told me, "Read the Koran. Maybe you'll learn something new."

_________________

As I walked home, I saw a familiar black car drive by me and slow down when it reached me. I knew who it was and I only tugged my hoodie tighter around me to prevent any altercation.

"Emerald." He called out, "Please."

I've been ignoring Ahmed for two days and he realized that I've been trying to avoid him. We haven't talked and every time I knew he wanted to say something, I turned the other way.

I want to talk to him. But I can't. I can't tell him anything otherwise he gets jumped and I get back involved with them and shit happens. I guess Ahmed really can't runaway from his past.

I tried to walk faster, not to mention I had an injured leg. When Colton threatened to go tell Debra our school nurse about my condition, she wasn't here. So I was lucky.

"Emerald please talk to me." He called out, rolling the windows all the way down, "Stop ignoring me."

It's the first time his voice sounded worried, scared for me. Like he sounded sincere and hoping he'd gain something from me. He wanted me to talk to him and I can hear it in his voice cracks, the softness in it.

I stopped to take a breath as I clenched my jaw, "I can't."

"Yes you can." I heard the closing of an engine and a door closing. Next thing I knew Ahmed stood right in front of me, his tall lean beautiful body blocking my way, "Talk to me. Please."

I want to talk to him. Talk to him, my head told me.

I tried to move past him but he blocked my way, "You can't ignore me forever."