Bite Size Stories

A Knight to Remember

*** Weekend Write-In for 21st Dec 2018 ***

"discover": In 500 words, tell what happens when it is discovered

TALES OF HEROISM

During the time of the Third Crusade, when good King Richard strode the world like ... like ... like a colossus. Yes, that's as good a description as any ... well, in that time, many bold and heroic knights traveled to the Holy Lands in search of wealth and glory.

At least two of those knights didn't go voluntarily - while Sir Campion Longshield (born a Longbottom of peasant stock) and his boon companion, Count Peregrine of Hampton, have never been known to say no to a nice bit of wealth, they weren't all that interested in the glory side of things, as that tends to come with the caveat that fights need to be fought, battles battled and a general putting ones self in danger, that went against their creed of merry living and a general fondness for staying alive.

Never-the-less, due to an unfortunate incident involving a lady and a jealous suitor, our heroes found themselves drugged and shipbound for Jerusalem. Many long months were then spent in the pursuit of not dying, until one day the forces of Saladin over ran a Christian city stronghold and our two heroes decided to take the better part of valor and bugger off sharpish. *See RETREAT OR SURRENDER.

Having extracted themselves thusly, the two friends lost no time in riding like maniacs for the nearest Crusader port, where they utilized monies looted from the bodies of the dead, to book passage back to more civilized lands.

Some months later, they found themselves in the Duchy of Saxony and guests at the castle of a German Baron by the name of Wusternburgher Strellitz Hapsmunchen. First name Fritz.

The Baron, eager to hear news from the Crusade hosted a feast in honour of the two English gentlemen, followed by much merry dancing and games; it was during the dances that Sir Campion caught the eye of the Baron's daughter Ilsa and Count Peregrine spent an amiable few hours chatting with her cousin Heinz, a young man who has only recently gained adult years.

***

Peregrine lit the tapers and handed one to his friend. 'Where are we again?'

'East side fifth level.'

'So I go down the corridor, past the armour with the axe, turn right, down a flight of stairs.'

'Down two flights of stairs.'

'Right. Then left.'

'No just left.'

'I meant...'

Campion smiled. 'I jest with you Perry my lad.'

'Well stop it. You'll get me all turned around.'

His friend grinned. 'Stick with me to the stairwell and then we part ways, for Ilsa's room is up. You go down two flights, turn left and all the way until you see the stag's head, right? Well the door is to the left, right?'

'I believe so. Let us depart.'

And so they did

*

Five minutes later, a slender figure entered their empty room. 'Sir knight?' she whispered. 'Campion, meine liebe ... it is I Ilsa.'

*

Campion quietly slipped inside the room. 'Ilsa ... are you there my lovely?

*

Count Peregrine frowned. 'Now where am ... ah, the stag's head! Door to the right I believe ...'

He entered.

*

Ilsa sat on the bed feeling foolish, but brightened as the door opened and a male figure entered holding a candle.

'Pssst ... Peregrine, you are zere liebling?'

Ilsa frowned. 'Heinz! What are you doing here?'

Heinz went pale. 'Ilsa!! I ... I ... what are YOU doing here?'

*

Peregrine slipped into the bed and put his arms around the slumbering figure. He kissed the neck of his prospective lover. 'At last ... at long long we can ...' his hand had moved to the area of the chest and ... had felt something he had not been expecting ... a matronly bosom.

His candle illuminated the Baronesses face. She blinked.

'Ze Count! Are you here to ravage me mein herr?'

'Madame, I ...'

'I vill not give you ze satisfaction of hearing me cry for help,' she told him as she grabbed the back of his head. 'Have your vay, you beast ... you marauder ... I am but a veek voman who vill not resist!'

Peregrine found his head squashed against that same matronly breast and struggled to free himself as the Baroness gripped him tighter.

'Zis is wrong herr Count ... mein husband is right next door und vill avenge me ... nein, shhhh, you vill vaken him. Ve vill be discovered!'

Peregrine tried to scream for help, but was unable to, as the Baroness's flabby bosom prevented him.

She was rapidly disrobing, while still protesting at his violation of her person.

The night was NOT turning out as he expected!

*

Heinz passed his aunt's room and sighed as he turned to his own bedroom door on the left. For a moment he thought he heard a faint cry for mercy and stood there listening.

Nothing.

With another sigh he opened his door.

*

Thus endeth another tale of our good friends, Sir Campion the Champion and Peregrine of Hampton, at least one of whom had a night to remember, even though he was hoping instead to have had a knight to remember!

End