Bite Size Stories

Police Action

*** Weekend Write-In for 16th Nov 2018 ***

"steal": In 500 plus words, tell what happens when it is stolen

VICTIM IN SHOCK - POLICE TAKE STATEMENT.

'Right you are Sir. If you'll just step in this here room, we'll be about the business of taking your statement.'

'Thank you officer. I'm still a bit ... in shock.'

'Ave a seat Sir, take a deep breath and calm yourself. WPC Girlcop will go and get you a nice cup of tea. Ow'dya take your tea Sir?'

'Milky, two sugars, some cream if you have any.'

'Why bless your heart Sir, this ere is a generic British police station. Of course we have cream for the teas Sir. Wouldn't be a cuppa without cream for them who wants cream, as me old mum would say, Sir. Course she wouldn't approve of milky.'

'Oh. Why's that?'

'She were a Yorkshire lass, me old mum were. Cyril, she'd say ... weak teas for weak knees, but them as has internal fortitude'd tek it strong. Big fan of Tetley she was Sir, but not of Yorkshire Tea.'

'I thought you said...'

'None of that at all Sir. Yorkshire Tea the brand. Me old mum used'ta say it was too in your face, a bit too obvious. Like a product called Scottish Chicken if there was such a one ... no Sir, them as names the brands, are the companies that were built from nothing, not the product of market research and advertising agencies. Couldn't abide the advertising agencies, me old mum couldn't.'

'Well, quite.'

'Anyhow, back to business Sir. We can't keep on keeping on, talking about my family when there's matters to be settled. We've got custard creams or bourbons with your tea.'

'Uh ...'

'Tell you what Sir, I'll ask WPC Girlcop to fetch both kinds. You'll not find a British police station stinting on biscuits Sir, not on my watch and not even with all the cuts.'

'That's very kind of you Officer ...'

'Constable Sir.'

'I beg your pardon. Constable ...'

'No Sir, other way round.'

'Sorry?'

'We do have a Constable Officer, Terrence Officer, down the Mile End station. We're often confused.'

'Ah, you've lost me.'

'Not to worry Sir. It happens all the time. I'm Officer Constable. Bill Constable.'

'I see ... I think.'

'Ah here's Gladys with the tea and biccies. WPC Girlcop that is. Mustn't be unprofessional, mustn't we Sir.'

'Uh ... of course not. But about my case ...'

'Right you are Sir. Let's not let the tea get cold, but you're right of course. Shall we start with the suspect?'

'Yes! Yes ...'

'In your own time Sir. Have a bourbon.'

'Thanks. Where was I ... oh yes, she was about 5'6, slim and pretty. Shiny raven locks in bangs, the most piercing blue eyes you ever saw and the reddest lips. I think she had a vintage vibe going on ... red summer dress with white polka dots, just above her her knees. And heels ... 40's kitten heels in patent blue leather, to match the blue flower in her hair.'

He paused, with a dreamy look on his face ... ... ...

'A most detailed description Sir and I see you've finished your tea. Will you take another?'

'Please.'

'I'll be mother then.' *pours 'What else can you tell me Sir?'

'She had the cutest dimples and when she smiled at me It was like the full brilliance of the sun poured out of her. She was a dream Officer Constable ... a living goddess come to earth!'

'That there is a most vivid description Sir. Now, let's attend to the matter of the item she stole from you.'

'My heart Officer. She stole my heart!'

Officer Constable closed his notebook, placed it carefully on the table and finished his tea. Then he cleared his throat. 'You do know Sir, that wasting police time is a serious offence?'