Past, Present, No Future. (Harry Styles)

68. Lost Boy

I dreamt of him. I dreamt of him and I in our home, with our pup, happy.

I missed my Pepper, I missed my bed, and I missed Wolverhampton.

Everything here was sad, and I didn't want to be sad but I was. I was sad before Harry had left, and I hate it. I was sad before, hence the word before. I don't want to go back to that, the past is the past and I hate to think it's repeating itself.

"Vanessa?" a warm voice called followed by a small knock at the door, "Vanessa you have to get up at some point" Liam explained with concern in his voice.

I didn't move a muscle, I didn't want to move. I just continued to pretend to be asleep until he left like I have been doing the passed few hours. But this time he didn't leave.

I felt a weight bring down the side of the mattress and a hand come to my arm.

"I know you're awake" Liam said.

I breathed deeply digging my face farther into my pillow, feeling the wetness of my tears through the night on the silky fabric.

"I don't want to be" I muttered into the pillow.

Liam sighed as I felt his body position itself to try to lift me up with no success.

"Vanessa, I want to help you" Liam began to say, "Tell me what you feel"

I turned around to look at him, "Dead" I answered lying back down.

"I don't want to feel this, Liam. This...this ache in my chest, I want it to go away"

"That's what heartache is, Vanessa"

"Fuck heartache" I muffled out, "I want it to stop"

My mouth said one thing, but my body said another. I did want it to stop, but it wasn't this tough, agressive heartbreak. I was breaking. I felt more of my tears come down to my pillow as I gasped for air whilst I cried.

Liam wrapped his arms around me, this time with no fail lifting me up and hugging me tightly.

"It's okay to cry" Liam said to me as he slowly rocked our bodies back and forth, "It's completely okay"

I heard him snifle himself, leaving me a bit confused.

"Liam" Gen walked in from the hallway, small tears in her eyes.

She looked over to me, then to Liam. Liam shook his head and I can begin to see his eyes water.

"W-what's happened?" I asked wiping my cheek.

"Vanessa-" Gen choked, "It's your Gran"

"What?" I said in a soft, strained voice, "Is she okay?" I asked panicked.

"Sh sh" Liam calmed me, "Vanessa, Johannah went to give her breakfast. She wouldn't wake up"

"No" I shook my head trying to release Liam's grip.

"Vanessa she went in her sleep, it's okay"

"No!" I exclaimed making him let go of my arms, "It's not okay! Nothing is okay!" I yelled feeling my cheeks get wet again, "Everything is fucked up, and I hate it!"

I went for the door walking passed Genessa and slamming the bedroom door behind me.

I locked myself in the bathroom, sitting in the corner and bringing my knees to my chest.

It's okay to cry.

~ | _ | +

After some time, there was a knock at the door. But I didn't get up. It knocked again but this time a voice followed.