Past, Present, No Future. (Harry Styles)

95. Stella II

~ Harry's _ POV +

Ever since Alison gave me that lighter, I've made it something I will always be in need of. The simple flame lasted all these years, and to me it was a symbol. A symbol of what? I don't know, but it was a symbol of some sort.

I never used another lighter, I refused to use another lighter. Using another lighter would make it as if I was betraying Alison, and that was how I managed to keep clean for so long but when I found the lighter hidden in an old jacket I slipped into old habits once again.

It was a form of OCD; and although I hate to use the term of OCD for anything other than what it really is, that's what it was. A form of OCD.

I don't have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it was just one of those few things where you feel as if you do. A form.

The rent on the motel room was up, so I found myself back at my mum's house and taking up my old bedroom.

I know I said I didn't want to intrude on my mum and sister, but my other option was Stella which I didn't want to be an option at all.

But at the moment, I sat at the floor in front of Stella's bed as she occupied herself in the restroom.

We were in the middle of December, the cold weather making it obvious, January was creeping its way up on me like it always did.

A new year I didn't want to come.

I dreaded 2015, for fear that it would be much worst than 2014. And 2014 has shown to be a bitter-sweet year.

I felt the mattress against my back shift, and a pair of arms come to my shoulders.

"Why are you so stressed?" Stella asked rubbing circles on my muscles with her palms and thumbs.

"It's what people feel at times, Stella" I sighed, "You know, people who care about what they're doing with their lives"

"I'm not a kid, you don't have to treat me like one" she positioned herself behind me.

"It's a simple solution" I told her, "Quit acting like a kid"

"You are stressed" she sighed, "What's got you like this?"

I breathed out shakily, bringing my hands together "January is a tough month for me, and the horrid month is about to come"

"Oh poor baby" she muttered bringing her chin to my shoulder and making me shift uncomfortably, "What happened in January?"

"I prefer not to talk about it" I told her.

Her hands came to my chest as she rested her head on my neck, "You know, I can help you feel better"

"Just let me take over for tonight" she slid off the bed and brought her legs around my torso and her arms to my neck.

Grabbing her thighs I pushed her off of me, "I don't sub"

She furrowed her eyebrows trying to get on me again, "Stop" I got up from the floor, "I'm not going to let you lead"

"Why fucking not?" she asked sounding angry.

"Because, Stella, I don't sub. I don't let people ride me. Do you want me to paint a picture?" I got annoyed walking to the door.

"Why are you being such a little bitch?" she called making me turn around.

"I could ask you the same question" I said opening the door and exiting the place.

It seemed as if whenever I went to Stella's flat, I left feeling angrier than I did when I first showed up. Not like I'm a constant angry person.