I'm A Walking Disaster (jalex)

Having Trouble Finding Sleep

"who told you that?" I didn't know who else could've known what happened

"Hunter was saying that be was in his session with Dr.Grace when she was called to Jacks room..he said he went down the hall and saw at least three nurses in there" I was starting to dislike Hunter more and more. That is Jacks business that he shouldn't be throwing around

"I don't know what happened" I admitted, Vic sighed.

"When I went in there he was shaking and laying in a ball..he said his head hurts, his face hurts, throat hurts, stomach hurts" Vic shrugged

"he's probably sick" he muttered, I nodded and stopped as we got closer to my room

"I'm going to go ahead and go back to my room so I can read some before lights out" I said casually, Vic nodded and started to walk in the direction of the recreation room. I hesitantly stepped in my room to find a nurse standing beside a door, I heard the shower running and recognized that he was showering, I took my shower right after dinner so I wouldn't be taking it late. I plopped down on my bed and picked up the book, it was awkward because the nurse and it was even worse when she spoke every two minutes to make sure Jack was okay, and he replied every time. I remembered what happened at dinner, I succeeded in stealing a plastic fork, the fork was now under my pillow and I did realize how dangerous it was to keep it. A nurse could check my bed anytime so I was half expected to be caught, but nothing really scared me out of doing it, it was something that I needed, I craved the pain..the pain that often distracted me from my problems.

Jack walked out of the bathroom with his baggy shirt and jeans on, he looked halfway surprised to see me, I looked up at him but went back to my book. The nurse hung around for a few more seconds before leaving, Jack shuffled through his drawers and pulled out a hoodie before slipping it on and making his way to his bed. Jack didn't read or do anything, he just sat there and stared at the calling, my guess Is that he always does that. I wanted to ask him more about himself, maybe it'd help me believe he actually has an eating disorder, it seems unreal that he could ever feel bad enough about himself to actually not eat. Jack seemed like a pretty careless guy, I wasn't ever sure why he was in here and I wasn't expecting that, maybe there's some other reason but I didn't know. "Hey, Jack, do you have any other good books? this one is great, I appreciate you letting me borrow it" I said, trying to sound confident.

He looked over at me and shrugged "maybe" he said in a quiet tone, the air was thick with awkwardness.

I remembered what he wrote on my compliment sheet "you aren't annoying, you are attractive, you don't pry" so I decided not to pry. If I did pry I'd probably be classified as annoying and I don't want that to happen, I want to be on his good side. Part of me wants to help but at the same time I don't want to or even know how to, his personality is shit.

I felt a tight tugging in my stomach, like there was a knot and someone was in there just continuing to pull it tighter and tighter, I could feel my body getting shaky for no reason and I was suddenly mad at myself for my uncontrollable amount of unexplained anxiety. I don't know why I was anxious but I couldn't control it, I gnawed on my bottom lip, my teeth piercing the tender skin.

I could taste the blood, it tasted like iron or what I used to say when I was six and pulling out my teeth "it tastes like pennies" and my brother would laugh and nod in agreement "iron?" He'd ask with a smile on his face. That was before his smile disappeared.

I continued to bite down harder on my bottom lip as more memories of my brother poisoned my good thoughts, the memories were good until-

Just stop. Just stop thinking about him. Just stop thinking about it.